♔

When you look out over that bay to that green light, is it a person you're thinking about? Or is it what you stand to gain?

rocky was gone for about a fourth of the time he and adrian were a couple. what's it like to wait 50 years for your mate, not knowing if they're alive? was adrian close to the families of the other crew? was there any kind of support group? was adrian the last one holding out hope for a return?

and then what's it like to wait so long, with everyone thinking they're in denial, only for their mate to beat the odds and come home? except he's deeply traumatized and single-mindedly focused on the alien he brought with him.

rocky a frantic, rushing mess between mission debriefings and worrying about grace. how long is it even before rocky and adrian get to talk? really talk. does adrian attend rocky's thrum and hear everything that happened and want to talk to him, connect, reach out, but rocky can't leave grace alone for longer than he absolutely has to. apologizes, promises they will, but he doesn't stop moving towards the space elevator.

adrian understands what's going on. logically they do, but that's all it is. logic, rationality, information, empathy. but that doesn't change the way they felt all this time, the way they feel now. it doesn't bond them to grace.

but adrian does feels gratitude towards grace! they're bursting with relief and joy and endless thanks for him both solving the astrophage problem and bringing their love home to them. that he sacrificed his life and risked the certainty of his own planet's salvation to do so.

but also, in doing so, grace has stolen rocky from them.

adrian is kind to grace, respectful towards grace, works on grace's biodome as hard and as seriously as they can. but that doesn't mean they love grace. and even if they do, that doesn't erase the pain.

and what can adrian even do with this pain? what are the social implications? eridians mate for life, so adrian has to find a way to make this work. can adrian talk to others about it, or do they fear appearing ungrateful? their mate was the only one to survive, why do they complain?

will the other crew's family still accept them into their support circle, or does rocky's survival change things? will adrian be asked to leave because their presence is a painful reminder? because adrian is talking about something else now?

do people hate adrian because rocky couldn't fix it, couldn't save them? do people take their suffering out on adrian because they can't take it out on the savior? does adrian become a buffer between rocky and the real world's criticisms and critical questionings and doubts?

what's it like to be the beloved mate of erid's savior? what social pressure are they put under? what's it like for your species to see your relationship as a poetic love story? what's it like for the planet that saved your people to be named after you?

what's it like to be constantly told how lucky you are, even when your mate never leaves someone else's side? do people see rocky and grace together and feel sorry for adrian? are people angry at rocky on their behalf? angry at grace?

how long does adrian have to grin and bear it?