Please Fire Me.

Please fire me. My boss is a homophobic sexist and racist overweight white man. Since Trump has came out with his ideas he keep trying to talk me into voting for him. I’m a Mexican with a immigrant dad and my mom’s parents were immigrants. Also one time he talked to me about his sex life and how every 20 year old wants him. GAG!

Please fire me. I work at an coffee shop near an Ivy League campus and these spoiled, rich students are generally terrible customers. And one time, a parent of one of these kids came in, and was digging around for the change for her coffee. When she realized she didn’t have it, she reached her slimy old hand into my tip jar and pulled out the change she needed!

Please fire me. I’m a paediatric surgical assistant who had to repeatedly explain to a famous footballer that his child is going to have to wait for me to stitch up her finger. It is the middle of the night, there is nobody else available and I need to oversee a critically ill child going into surgery in order to stop them dying. The footballer in question then demanded to see my superior and my superior’s superior, all the while demanding “Do you know who I am?!” Yes sir, you’re a nasty man with an inflated ego whose kid has a boo-boo. 

Please fire me. A customer asked for hot chocolate that isn’t hot. We explained that it would pretty much be chocolate milk, but he persistently disagreed. “I don’t want chocolate milk, I just want hot chocolate without it being hot!”

Please fire me. I work at a store that sells books, and a woman came to the cash register asking for a bandage because there “must have been a knife on one of your book shelves because I got stabbed in my finger.” It was a paper cut.

Please fire me. I work at a museum and an elderly lady asked me if mummies were older than dinosaurs.

Please fire me. My coworkers spend at least the first 45 minutes of every work day spoiling every single show on tv they can think of. I haven’t been surprised by anything on any show for the past 2 years. I literally canceled my cable subscription.

Please fire me. The other day while I was on the cash register I was ringing through this woman’s purchase (which was just a cat toy). She was going on and on about how crazy her ‘kitten’ was and sometimes unmanageable, to which I just laughed along… you know the old small talk. Anyways, as she was leaving and I handed her her change she looked me dead in the eyes and said, “No one ever told me that kittens become cats.”

Please fire me. I work at Starbucks and people keep asking “you don’t have iced coffee, do you?” 

Please fire me. I work at McDonald’s and last week I spent 15 minutes trying to explain to an old man they we do not sell hot dogs (McDogs as he claimed it) then he threatened to report me for “withholding products from him”!

Please fire me. On Friday, a lady placed a catering order for well over $1000. Today, she brought all the food back and demanded a refund. We asked, “Was there something wrong with the food? Is anyone sick?” We’re very concerned with food quality here. “No,” she said, “No one came to my party.”