I have a disease called I want to text you so much but I have no idea what I would even write

i have a similar one called i want more contact but I'm afraid I'm being overbearing so I'll just wait for you to start

I have autism

this is going to be a controversial one but I think the optimal number of cats for facilitating making the bed is not, in fact, "every cat in the house" but perhaps even ... zero

dangerous misinformation

so cool how advanced the algorithm has become, it literally only takes like a decade or more of spying on all my internet activity and then it can expertly curate a selection of 15-20 youtube videos that i don't really want to watch, and then keep showing me those videos over and over again for a week so i can scroll past them again. the future is now

“i love how we as a fandom have just agreed that–” don’t include me in this. do NOT lump me in with that.

i bet the pain will end if i arrange a perfect enough sentence about it

In a world where all age gaps are banned, everyone has a gem in their hand that flashes when they've found their soulmate and only acceptable partner: someone born the exact same minute as them. But one couple learns the system can make mistakes - and must go on the run when they learn they were born...two minutes apart

job interviewer: would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for nothing?

job interviewer: (reading the room) would you be willing to destroy and betray yourself for a pizza party?