Yes “doubt” is a he, for only men are the ones that must first “see” to believe. They are the first to flinch at the sight of greatness - for they cannot find any familiarity with its innate structure.

Regardless, you are Woman of Creation. You are the womb which all has come from. You are where life begins and where it ends. Don’t you know?

10:30pm

I don’t think they understand.

I don’t think they… get it.

I love the way silence feels. I love the silence. When I pull open the curtains all I see is green. It’s everywhere I look. The hedges before me shout, protection!! They keep me safe in their warm embrace, they shelter me from the wretched hands of the world. The lemon trees drops in saying, “Hello”, it is the first time in years that I’ve seen it this happy. The fig tree leaves are falling, last year I didn’t notice how they changed. Last year, I wasn’t really paying attention to anything. This time I can see the world, this time I look out clearly.

Last week I trimmed my pomegranate tree. I didn’t know trees are just like humans, they require constant upkeep and yes a haircut here and there. I removed the low hanging branches to expose its slender dark bark. The day after it seemed that the tree was more robust, more bouncy in its composure, more happy in its expression maybe? Happy to breathe, and be seen - happy to finally be.

The avocado tree wraps itself like a giant hug. Tree of life, I call it. How much that tree has seen, how close it’s been to us all this time.

I pulled the dead hanging palm leaves off of the one in the front. From up above they don’t seem so big or heavy, but once I pulled on them, I felt the weight even before it hit the ground. The loud crashing that screeched in my ear made me hesitate in continuing, but the job had to get done. I like that I tend to the garden now, really I’ve become the groundskeeper of the home I once hated. Now I breathe life into each corner.

I have basil and rosemary outside my window for protection, and the mighty juniper pines on the other side do their part as well. So much has changed life, so much. I never thought I could awaken to such a life, I never thought I could have it all. Yet here I am. Safe in my world, my beautiful world at that. I feel that there is luck everywhere I go and in every corner I turn. I love the world that I’ve created for myself.

Thank you Elizabeth for never giving up. Because of you, I owe you my life.

I am a Super Star. Here lies my truth.

Watch as I ascend into the cosmos,

Watch as they Glorify my name,

Watch as they shout and praise,

Forever, never holding out, no refrain.

Etched in darkness and cold,

Weathered through each storm,

Fortified in Gold,

And no road out there as old,

As torn down, splintered and cold.

But through the cracks, my vine pushed through,

Till it was a flower, in winter,