it's always vanitas hour in my heart

Lend your power to me, lion...

why do so many recent fantasy books only have a single non-binary person in them. everyone understands the person is non-binary there is no stumbling over pronouns or need to explain—yes, the wizard librarian we’ve all seen them—but there’s only ever One. the author cares enough to acknowledge the existence of people who fall outside of a gender binary but not enough to invest in there being like. a community. wizard gender studies. there’s just grevory the they/them librarian who sprung fully formed and fully non-binary into the magical land of fortinblargh or whatever the fuck

if i were in charge of star wars i would end the last movie witth yoda reading the story out of a big book and he gives a little chuckle and says "happened, none of that did." and then he gets out of his truck and waddles into walmart

"when all you have a hammer every problem starts to look like a nail" is such a stupid fucking saying. like what are you saying. every problem IS a nail. it's all nails. what the fuck do you think the hammer is for????

have you tried putting down the hammer and thinking about this again

what kind of suggestion is that? i have a hammer! i'm gonna use the hammer! its rsally effective on nails of course im gonna keep using the hammer. what a silly silly suggestion

Let’s fucking go

personally my first guess as to how joker got his scars would be from smiling too big. but maybe that's my dreamer's heart

It's actually sharp hamburger

This is your captain speaking and yeah we’re not landing. I just feel like we’ve got a really good thing up here and I don’t want to ruin it. This is my home and you are my people

We never have to go back

ohhhh shit. target is recalling their up & up baby wipes (fragrance free & fresh cucumber scented) because they're contaminated with Burkholderia cepacia complex and Burkholderia gladioli, multiple people are reporting discoloration & infections. i just got a call about it cuz i had purchased those but i've already gone through them 😅 so no refund for me. but im fine. if you have these they're saying you need to immediately stop using them and bring them back to target for a full refund. this bacteria can cause life threatening infections in children/infants and people with compromises immune systems (ESPECIALLY cystic fibrosis!!) and i know lots of other chronically ill people follow me!!!!

If you use baby wipes go check them NOW. A lot of Burkholderia bugs are antibiotic resistant so infections can be really difficult to treat.

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

Blue Lois

can i help you

Red Marge

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

World Heritage Post

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

the place I work at remodeled these split gendered restrooms into “inclusive restrooms” and never told us what they meant while construction was ongoing. I need you to know every atom of potential criticism or whining that could’ve happened disappeared when people found out this meant we got 10 fully separate private bathrooms with sinks inside. I’ve not heard a single person crack a joke about the inclusive signage. this is the world TERFs are trying to steal from you