I feel as though what drives most rude / inconsiderate behavior I experience IRL on a day to day basis comes from a place of having this unearned and unnecessary sense of urgency in situations that aren't actually urgent. I think if more people became aware of this completely unnecessary sense of urgency in situations that actually aren't urgent, it might make co-existing and sharing public spaces with other people a lot easier and more tolerable.
That text post that's been making the rounds that goes something like "Omg you made it to the same red light as everyone else but faster and more dangerously and recklessly, should we call nascar? Do you want a medal?" summarizes exactly what I'm trying to talk about.
It's like when I have to change buses at one of the bigger and busier bus stops, and the people who get off the same bus as me shove and elbow past me to get off before me, and then shove and elbow past anyone even slightly in their way on the way to the bus they're switching to, only to end up on the same bus as all the people they shoved and elbowed, with several minutes to spare before it leaves and plenty of open seats left.
I think this unnecessary urgency a lot of people feel in their day to day lives drives a lot of bad behavior. I'm not saying I'm innocent of this (is anyone's?), I've felt it too in plenty of situations that didn't call for it, and regrettably was less kind than I should have been as a result. But I try to be aware of it, and always try to ask myself it it's really as urgent as my lizard brain is trying to tell me it is, and even if it was urgent, does that still justify unkind behavior?
Is shoving or elbowing another person aside going to make the difference between whether or not you make it to the bus before it pulls away? (hint: at least where I live, most of the time that's a no because the drivers usually won't leave if they see people from another bus heading towards their bus). Is shoving and elbowing people aside in a crowded grocery store going to make any real difference in how quickly you get your shopping done?
Does a few extra seconds of time actually justify cruel and unkind behavior towards people you perceive as slightly inconveniencing you?
A few more examples of this phenomenon:
- Waiting in line at the store and the person behind you creeps closer and closer to try to pressure you forward, and ends up violating your personal space and making you uncomfortable, because they think creeping closer and pressuring the person in line in front of them will somehow get them through the line faster (it won't)
- Going through a self-serve buffet, and the person behind you keeps creeping closer and closer to try to pressure you to serve your food faster and get a move on. All it achieves is that you can't scoop your soup without elbowing them, and that's somehow your fault
- Crossing a crosswalk when the car waiting for you to cross creeps closer and closer to you to try to intimidate you into crossing faster (because using a 2 ton metal machine to try to intimidate a fleshy little ape you could easily kill with said 2 ton metal machine isn't acting like a bully at all no sir-ee)
- Honestly a huge heap of the poor treatment of service workers is also rooted in this sense of urgency in things that are not actually urgent
Please do feel free to add more examples if you can think of more examples
#cutting in line at the airport#you are all going on the same flight!
Not just getting on the same flight, but the majority of the time already having assigned seats! The plane isn't going to just pull away while passengers are still boarding, your seat will still be your seat, why the urgency?
People have always been like this in airports, and maybe I'm just noticing it more, but I feel like in the past few years this sense of urgency in airports has gotten worse. I get some people might be running late for their flight due to extenuating circumstances, but that doesn't excuse being rude. It's not fair to punish random strangers at the airport if you're running late for your flight. That's your problem, not theirs.
If it's really urgent and genuinely extenuating circumstances, then use your words ("I'm so sorry but I had a family emergency this morning so now I'm running really late for my flight, do you mind if I go ahead of you?") rather than push / shove / elbow / cut in line / violate other people's person space.
The past several times I've flown I almost had a panic attack going through security because of how much other passengers kept violating my personal space by standing too close (to try to pressure me forward), even though that wouldn't make the line go faster + were getting pushy / shove-y / elbow-y with trying to get their stuff on and off the x-ray belt. Is there really any reason that's called for? We're all just trying to get through and get to our flights, You Are Not The Main Character of Airport Security.
If you're reading this and congratulating yourself on not being like this, pause and ask whether you're internalizing it instead. I just worked a ton of overtime because I was feeling intense urgency over work projects, and then I looked at that and thought about it and wrote to my boss to ask whether that urgency was necessary. Do I need to be bullying myself to get this done by the 5th, or does it really not matter because no one else will look at it until the 10th?
