Professional Idiot

Most things have a secret cuteness if you look deep enough

complimented a womans clear raincoat this morning and she said Well i feel like a sandwich

I would have said clit if I was her

you keep your clitoris in a plastic bag?

i was actually born as a CD but a wizard turned me into a human to teach me a lesson

every political scandal has to be called ____gate now because 54 years ago a guy named blowjob told reporters there were bugs in the democrat offices

corporate guy who walks in & asks who's the most fertile shareholder at the table today

Say it with me: Overcommunicating will not solve my body’s fundamental poisoning by anxiety and low self esteem. I am okay with ambiguous communication by my peers. I do not need to read into the text tone of others. I am a beautiful, glowing elephant in the room and I am immune to bullets.

gay people have access to a secret second internet where everybody’s always posting bad-luck-brian memes but they’re weird and sort of scary