In Desperate Need of Florting

so now every time she burps she looks to me hopefully for a rating and bc she has delicate little baby burps i now have to create an entirely new Burp Rating System unique to her bc i rate anything below a 5 and she looks at me like this

Before I could even process that, another officer dropped the big surprise: they’d actually been tracking me around town for days via Flock cameras. But they kept losing the trail, so when a camera alerted them that the Range Rover had been spotted turning into Kohl’s that morning, they quickly set up their ambush and waited for me and my wife to walk out of the store and get into the SUV.

[…]

One of the officers pulled out his phone, opened the Flock app, and showed me two photos: a wide shot of the Range Rover going through the intersection and a zoomed-in shot of the New Jersey license plate, which clearly reads 34 10 DTM and says VEHICLE MFR along the bottom. Critically, the number 10 is in a much smaller font than the rest of the tag, which is the non-standard structure New Jersey uses for manufacturer plates.

[…]

The New Jersey plates that were allegedly stolen from the LA dealer were 34 03 DTM, not 34 10 DTM. But when the police report was created and the plate was entered into Flock’s system, it was just recorded as 34 DTM. Just the five large characters, no little number in the middle. And Flock’s AI tech wasn’t registering that non-standard little number when it began picking up the Range Rover around town. It just saw 34 DTM in large type and started alerting the local police.

As we all stood there shaking our heads, including my wife, who was finally allowed to join me, I connected the final dot. A lot of vehicles in JLR’s media fleet have a New Jersey manufacturer plate with the same alphanumeric structure—34 ## DTM—and Officer Ganshyn observed that meant it was now a nationwide issue. Anywhere a police department has a partnership with Flock, any other JLR-owned car with the same plate structure is going to get flagged as stolen. In fact, four other 34 ## DTM cars were being tracked around Minnesota that week, according to Officer Ganshyn. I was just the first one to get nabbed. The only way to stop it would be for the LAPD to correct their initial report and update Flock’s system, which Jaguar Land Rover was now racing to make happen following the phone call.

Still, he warned me to drive straight home, park the Range Rover, and leave it there. If I were to cross into the neighboring town, I’d probably get flagged again and go through this entire ordeal again with a different set of officers. His parting words were ominous: “You’re lucky we’re in Plymouth. If you were in Minneapolis, they definitely would’ve come at you with guns drawn.”

Little known fact about me but I like to go around to my local used movie/games/whatever stores and steal the discs of Jupiter Ascending out of them.

Character A: *Accidentally spills something on her shirt and it leaves a stain*

*Looks around to see if anyone noticed.*

*Takes a few steps to the side, moving along the static background texture causing the stain to ‘slide’ away and not be visible anymore*

[later in the episode, a completely different scene with completely different framing]

Character A: *Walks along with the rest of the cast across the screen into the same spot on the screen where she was when she spilled on her shirt. The stain was on the same spot in the background texture this whole time she just happened to avoid it throughout the episode til now. This causes the stain to ‘slide’ onto her shirt again, but shes further from the ‘camera’ now so the stain covers way more of her shirt.*

Character B: *Points the stain out and laughs at her for managing to get such a huge stain on her clothes*

Character A: *Gets embarrassed and defensive saying it’s the shot composition’s fault*

Character C: *Looks up and scolds the animator for not doing the cast’s laundry between scenes*

Faceless animator from off screen: *Tries to make excuses about not having time and trying to meet the episode deadline*

Character C: *Crosses her arms and turns her head away, says she’s disappointed in them*

Offscreen animator’s giant hand: *Reluctantly grabs the static clothing texture and pulls it away*

Character A: *Her shirt clothing texture is replaced with blank white void. She gets embarrassed and tries to cover herself up as if she was naked*

[Cut to short live action sequence of the disembodied hand of the animator throwing the static texture cloth into the washing machine, adding stain remover and starting the machine.]

[Time passes. Cut to disembodied hand tapping its fingers impatiently right before the washing machine dings complete. The hand throws it in the dryer. Resumes tapping impatiently]

[Time Passes. Cut to disembodied hand seemingly being asleep, then the dryer dings waking them up. Hand takes texture out of the dryer. Starts bringing the texture back to the set.]

Character C, offscreen: *Shouts at the animator demanding they iron it too*

[Cut to disembodied hand frantically ironing the texture.]

[Cut back to animated scene with main cast still at the same scene. Character A is still embarrassed and trying to cover herself up. Character B is asleep and loudly cartoonishly snoring. Character C is looking up at where ‘the animator’ is, impatiently tapping her foot and scowling]

Disembodied Hand: *Frantically tries to put the texture back in place. Accidentally puts it on upside down.*

Character C, scowling: *Raises an eyebrow*

Disembodied hand: *Frantically rearranges the texture and finally gets it in place correctly*

Character C, eyebrow still raised: *Asks if they’re forgetting something*

Disembodied hand, ‘standing’ on the ‘ground’ of the scene with its middle and ring finger posed as legs and its pointer and pinky as arms: *Goes into dogeza pose and desperately apologizes*

Character C: *Accepts apology, but gives a threatening warning not to let it happen again*

Disembodied hand: *’Runs’ offscreen frantically*

Trans women are just strictly superior at everything I guess.

Truly speechless at this. "Cis women are so dainty and fragile that moving chess pieces for too long exhausts them."

Please acquire some self-respect (and maybe learn statistics). I am taking psychic damage over here.