Professional Side Character

Lets all suck on glass together and make the aquarium clean for everyone

You listen to music regularly? Why? Have you even tried quitting? Could you quit? You get music stuck in your head? Wow. You're so ruined and music brained. I bet you make your partners listen to music with you when you have sex. Music addiction has really ruined a whole generation. You know it's not realistic to expect reverb in real life, right? You're probably so desensitized that you don't even feel anything anymore when you hear a bird singing that it wants some fuck.

Babies are socially accepted parasites.

When u read Ayn Rand 1 time

They’re not a parasite, they’re a potential investment

When you read Ayn Rand a dozen times

*puts my cigarettes out on you*

*wuickly smokes it all before you can reach me*

oh a wise guy huh? *rolls up my sleeves* why I oughta…

*wuickly rolls your sleeves back down before you can hit me*

Touches you with my tendril. In a way that transmits kindness

i need to come up with a way to say “i mean like, movies for grownups” that doesn’t make me feel like a villain

*peeks in the replies* *gets really nervous and locks my house up and leaves*

i literally just don’t want to watch Kung Fu Panda

Take my hand Let’s lower the birth rate together

the wanter: i don’t want anything i never have

humiliating to be attracted to a conventionally attractive person. I thought I was a more sensitive and refined pervert than this

I hate that when you’re stressed enough your body just starts falling apart. I think it should realize you’re already stressed and don’t need that and start functioning better actually

the princess needs to lay on the floor for two hours. the princess needs to writhe

May I serve her Ladyship a floor meal? (very cheesy noodles and perchance some snacks like chips or so. Accompanied by a fizzy beverage and a cigarette if wanted)

this pleases the princess. please bring her the royal Newport 100. the princess must chill maximum style

As her Ladyship pleases. *goes off to buy cigarettes and will never be seen again*

devoured by the gas station dragon i fear

fruitful endeavors…

boy go get me my pringle