I Think I'm Funny

Vote for me and I will make werewolves real

Top scientists wil work hard round the clock to make it a reality

Bottom scientists as well

#not seeing your friends in a while like (via somniumaddiction)

This is literally how you actually improve ADHD symptoms btw

Going outside with wet hair from showering is humiliating because everyone sees you and thinks stuff like "eww gross here comes the wet girl". But going outside with wet hair when it's raining? Unambiguous boon because now everyone is thinking stuff like "wow, she's so topical" and "her hair is a scathing critique of the times we live in"

having cats is so stupid. every time i go to the bathroom i have to double check the high up cupboards to make sure im not going to get suddenly dive bombed by a creature who has never learned that 8 pounds hurtling into my shoulder, back, and neck at terminal velocity with tiny knives attached is painful

swooping season is something that happens in australia every august and also in my house USA at 3am when i need to piss.

this is hands down my single favorite post ive ever made that got notes

I sincerely hope that the OP realizes that gramma was very likely quoting that cartoon.

the cartoon that was drawn and posted based on my post? probably not, but i guess we can never know

I've probably watched too much Leverage, because a man in campus cop uniform came in to ask questions about our box office safe today and my boss let him in and gave him all the info he wanted, no questions asked, and all I could think is that we are horrifically easy to con

Maybe he is? Have you checked?

No, although I did check the organizational ID of the British woman who came in to do a last minute film shoot on the second floor, bringing with her an equipment cart large enough to hide a person in.

So it turns out that there is, indeed, money missing from the safe.

The whole "Elvis sighting" thing is hilarious because, like, the first documented career Elvis impersonators began working over twenty years before the guy even died. I wonder why a public figure who has a whole industry of people who look and sound like him would generate an unusual number of posthumous sightings? It Is A Mystery.

has anyone considered that it was probably her house too. where else was she supposed to put her chintz?