Troublemakers

what do you mean there are exactly zero rats i. this post

went to a new optometrist today wearing my squid facts ‘save our freaks dont mine the deep’ shirt from @sarahmackattack that has a strawberry squid on it. and i wasn’t even thinking about it but the optometrist walked in and he was like ‘oh what does your shirt say’ so i showed him and he was like ‘oh that’s neat!’ and then i thought he might like to know about strawberry squid eyes since they have weird eyes and he is an optometrist and all. so i was like ‘yeah it’s actually a real kind of squid called a strawberry squid, their eyes are really cool because they have one big yellow-green one and one small blue one’ and he kind of gasped and went ‘oh my god that’s so interesting i wonder why they have that. do you know what their retina composition is like?’ and i watched as he minimized my chart on the computer and started looking up images of strawberry squid and then he googled ‘strawberry squid retina composition’ and he was like ‘sorry we’ll get to your eye exam in a moment i just really want to find out’ LMAO 10/10 optometrist experience will be returning

you serve the drink, they take a sip. it ticks down to 98% and they whisper “oh thank god”

i would like to officially thank sesame for its seeds, its oil, and of course its street

knowing how it tends to go with male authors and their wives it was probably marge who wrote the odyssey

hey followers. have you ever wanted to know how it feels to be inside a bag of cornflakes

ye

enter the cornflakes domain

I fucking hate this website because not only did I click this goddamn link expecting it to be a joke of some sort, but it wasn’t a joke and I sat here spinning the screen around enjoying myself in a stupid bag of cornflakes like the dumbass monkey I am on Tumblr.com, enthralled by being in a bag of corn flakes in

Can we just start stabbing Julius Caesar now it's been a hard week.

"let me put this object some place obvious and inconvenient so im forced to deal with it" (grows around it like a tree root around a rock)

#baby i can ignore elephants in the room in ways you cannot imagine.

I bet it feels real good to be a sailing ship when they tighten the rigging

just found out I'm going to be reincarnated into a single sprig of grain. barley apparently. Not cool man. I didn't even know plants was an option on the table. this is bullshit