A Probably Lazy Blog

Oh my steak is a guy? Yawn. Boring. That's every steak in horror.

Give me meat that just spawns randomly in your fridge. Meat that has no clear origin. Where is it from? We don't know. What kind of meat is it? No clue. It's mystery meat (non human (as far as we're aware of)). That's already a bit scarier if only thanks to not knowing how hygenic it is

the narrator was like 'uh what the fuck, is there meat behind all the walls here?' and his friend just shrugged. he didn't know. he just knew that the wall meat in his dorm was cheaper than the student cafeteria burgers and he wasn't dead yet.

In 2021, Swarovski (the company that makes the very sparkly crystals you see in certain jewelry, on figure-skaters' twinkliest outfits, on red carpet dresses), decided they didn't want the grubby fingers of small-time jewelers, clothing designers and costumers and crafters on their shiny beads and rhinestones anymore. They decided to limit their sales to "luxury" and couture creators, not girls who sell stuff on Etsy. The tenor of their press release on the subject was snide and insulting. Resellers (like your favorite bead shop) would no longer be allowed to carry their product; the average Jane on the street would not be able to purchase them. You could only get them if you had an authorized business agreement that bound you to very strict brand behavior. And those of us who still had good stock of the crystals would no longer be "permitted" to use the brand's name in our listings for sale.

Every bead shop and craft supply place and many, many small clothing makers--wedding shops, prom and dancing dress suppliers, the sort of salt of the Earth mom and pop time machines of shops that are the backbone of the field--scrambled to find something that could replace them. The last of the stock dwindled quickly, all of us grabbing what we could get while there was any chance of it, and then it was gone and we no longer had any access.

I was Big Pissed about it at the time. It was just so goddamn stuck-up, when wholesalers and indie jewelers had made them so much money, when some people I knew--when *I!*--had been brand-loyal for decades. But with no recourse, everyone pivoted fairly quickly, most of us to Preciosa Crystals. Those are Czech, quite sparkly, and considerably less expensive than Swarovski. The faceting method they use is different, but not worse; any differences are hardly noticeable when you're seeing them as a hundred pinpoints of light.

Well, out of nowhere, Swarovski just dropped this: https://www.harmanbeads.com/swarovski-brand-policy-update

"Effective June 1, 2026, Swarovski updated the distribution and brand usage policies introduced in 2021. Businesses may now purchase Swarovski Crystals without signing a Brand Control Agreement, and Authorized Distribution Partners may once again sell Swarovski Crystals to resellers, including bead stores and online retailers. Businesses may also use the Swarovski brand name when following Swarovski’s Proper Use Guidelines. Designers, manufacturers, artists, brands, retailers, and resellers are now eligible to purchase Swarovski Crystals through authorized distribution channels."

They want us back. A lot of the companies who could have kept a brand relationship with them also have swapped to Preciosa, over the last half-decade, in solidarity with indie creators and out of a sour awareness that it could be them, next. And it doesn't hurt that Preciosa was able to expand their line quite a bit now that everyone who wanted sparkle had no choice but to go to them.

And I'm not seeing nearly anyone who intends to return. The feeling is, "Y'all told us to fuck off! Off we fucked! And now, that's what you can do, too!" I'm seeing a lot of "How many of us did you stab in the back?" comments from the people whose money they're hoping to attract.

"One has indeed personally to come under the shadow of war to feel fully its oppression; but as the years go by it seems now often forgotten that to be caught in youth by 1914 was no less hideous an experience than to be involved in 1939 and the following years. By 1918, all but one of my close friends were dead."

So, for example, Pilgrim's Progress is an allegory of Christian salvation. It's sort of a novel? There are characters who do stuff? but also they are very one-dimensional. The main character is a guy named Christian--yes, really!--who is journeying from his hometown ("the city of destruction") to the Celestial City (heaven). There is not much subtlety to it. It is pretty much what it is. There is no slippage, no playing around with the theme, no places where the symbolism is ambiguous. John Bunyan, the author, is hitting you over the head every step of the way with the Meaning That You Are Supposed To Be Getting From The Story.

Not all allegories are that crude or simplistic; the Narnia books are also allegory for Christianity. They have a lot more subtlety to them and a lot more nuance, and there's a lot of stuff in there that isn't allegorical, but on the crucial matters there is still a 1:1 correspondence. Aslan is Jesus. He's not like Jesus, he's not a character that has some similarities to Jesus or takes themes from the stories of Jesus, he is Jesus.

Tolkien is not doing allegory. Tolkien is taking the material of his life--his faith, his experiences in WWI, his linguistic and historical knowledge, his favorite books--and using them as the building blocks of his story. The themes and imagery and symbols draw heavily from all of that, the characters and settings draw heavily from all of that, but they are too complex to be allegorical. There's a lot of symbolism! It's not allegory.

So, for example, let's take the Dead Marshes referenced above. Does the experience of walking through this muddy wasteland with corpses all around that are rotting but still look like people draw from Tolkien's WWI battlefield experience of dead bodies in the trenches? Of course it does! but there are also a lot of differences. These dead are not from the current war, they are from a previous one--they are a reminder of old conflicts, of the ways the systems and powers of the current war have not come out of nowhere, there is history here. There is meaning that is not drawn from the Somme. And they are also drawing from literary references Tolkien was familiar with--primarily William Morris. Modern readers don't get the references because we have generally not read The House of the Wolflings, but that doesn't mean that the references aren't there.

It's rude. You're making someone take their time to read something you couldn't bother to write. You're telling them they were so unimportant you couldn't be bothered to actually take the time to say something yourself. And frankly, you're lying about it while you're at it.

Beowulf (manuscript dated between 975-1025)

the invention of jury trial (in britain, idk about elsewhere)

Insular artworks and illuminated manuscripts like the Lindisfarne Gospels (c. 715-720)

also includes baller metalwork look at this 7th century sutton hoo shoulder clasp pls

Carolingian artworks and illuminated manuscripts like the Aachen Gospels (c. 800s)

La Chanson de Roland (c. 1040)

national coinage for small kingdoms as well as major empires (in europe) (i know this is earlier in asia)

tartan

modern graveyards (in churches, with stone markers)

near-universal literacy (before 1066, as many as 90% of freemen are thought to have been literate in England, including peasants without land) and the promotion of churchmen and administrators from all levels of society

Ecclesiastical History of the English People (c. 731), one of the first post-Classical attempts at evidenced, factual historical writings, covering from 55BC to the 700s, and the stated inspiration for chronicles across Europe all through the medieval period.

the "Celtic cross" and other cool knotwork and animal designs in masonry, generally the result of Viking motifs being applied in areas with better masonry skills

wide distribution of law books

church parishes

The Book of Kells (c. 800)

horseshoes

the Hagia Sophia (now a mosque, but built as a church by Greek architects in 537)

central heating (really!) (also fun fact: we had central heating in europe before we had chimneys)

foot-pedal looms

grenades (sort of) (they were Greek fire rather than gunpowder explosives but you still throw a small pot at the enemy and it go boom)

Táin Bó Cúailnge and the rest of the Ulster Cycle

English translations of the Bible from the 890s

The Exeter Book (c. 975) which has some absolutely baller riddles in it btw

Ibn Sina's writings on medicine (1020s) - I've tried to stick to a European milieu here (since "Dark Ages" is a European term) and Ibn Sina was Persian. but under the name "Avicenna" and alongside fellow Persian al-Razi/"Rhazes" (c. 864-935) he basically reshaped European medical practices up to the 17th century, so, like. he deserves his flowers.

but also

SOME THINGS THAT ARE NOT FROM THE DARK AGES (a very incomplete list):

castles

knights

plate armour

common law, parliament, or magna carta

trial by combat

chaucer

pikes and other polearms (besides spears) (in fact pikes are generally considered to be a sign of the shift from medieval society into early modern)

the poetic edda and prose edda from which we get most of our understanding of "viking mythology" (although they're drawing on earlier sources)

the crusades

cathedrals (mostly)

stone houses

feudalism

modern cities

guilds

the black death

these are all medieval, but became major parts of european society after the 10th-11th century, which is generally the cutoff for "early medieval" or "Dark Ages".

There are no "exact color" of pride flags.

I see more and more sites and posts talking about the exact hex codes for the lesbian flag, or the right purple for the ace one, and how it should be more or less saturated and I just want to say: pride flags were meant to be sewn in your kitchen. To be spraypainted and to be recognised.

Because publishing houses will not continue printing paper books if libraries are their only customers.