Deeply unserious chess-rook account

I don't know. when I was a little girl and my brother and I would play out stories with our cow plushies, they were married like my parents and mine was the wife, and I liked that. when my mom would sing "brown eyed girl" in the car, I thought she was singing about me, because I had brown eyes. as I got older I was taught to repress all that, and so I did. but when I started going through puberty, I was jealous of the puberty the girls in my class were getting, and I would lie awake wishing I was growing boobs too. as I grew up I looked in mirrors less and less and tried to ignore what was happening to my body. when I went to the mall with two of my closest girl friends, I had this deep uneasy pang in my stomach when we all had to use the bathroom, but I had to use a different one

then one day, shortly before turning 18, I saw my face through the fog on the mirror after a shower, and my head kind of auto-filled the details. my ideal version of myself was looking back at me, and I knew that was who I wanted to be when I became an adult. and suddenly it made sense that I always changed in the stalls in the boys' locker room, it made sense that I was terrified of sex (or, the role in sex a "boy" is supposed to take) and avoided it like the plague

the fact that I'm a woman is the key that makes sense of so many things that didn't make sense without it. and now I get to go through the puberty I always wanted. now I choose to have mirrors in my spaces because I like looking in them. now I like getting dressed for things. now I like having sex, because it's in a body that feels more right, because I'm being perceived in a way that feels right, a way that allows me to be a participant. now I can participate in a lot of things and genuinely feel like a participant

What do you think it says about how miserable it is to be a closeted trans woman, that being an out trans woman (who feels the full force of misogyny + transphobia + transmisogyny) is typically a massive improvement? What do you think it says about just how bad transmisogyny is, that for most out trans women, the idea of being treated like a cis woman in society is like a beautiful dream that's tantalisingly out of reach?

That's not to say that being treated like a cis woman is not bad, or that it doesn't involve serious suffering, of course it does! But it should tell you something about the severity of transmisogyny to know that experiencing "just" misogyny would be the best best best case scenario imaginable to a typical trans woman.

I don't know. when I was a little girl and my brother and I would play out stories with our cow plushies, they were married like my parents and mine was the wife, and I liked that. when my mom would sing "brown eyed girl" in the car, I thought she was singing about me, because I had brown eyes. as I got older I was taught to repress all that, and so I did. but when I started going through puberty, I was jealous of the puberty the girls in my class were getting, and I would lie awake wishing I was growing boobs too. as I grew up I looked in mirrors less and less and tried to ignore what was happening to my body. when I went to the mall with two of my closest girl friends, I had this deep uneasy pang in my stomach when we all had to use the bathroom, but I had to use a different one

then one day, shortly before turning 18, I saw my face through the fog on the mirror after a shower, and my head kind of auto-filled the details. my ideal version of myself was looking back at me, and I knew that was who I wanted to be when I became an adult. and suddenly it made sense that I always changed in the stalls in the boys' locker room, it made sense that I was terrified of sex (or, the role in sex a "boy" is supposed to take) and avoided it like the plague

the fact that I'm a woman is the key that makes sense of so many things that didn't make sense without it. and now I get to go through the puberty I always wanted. now I choose to have mirrors in my spaces because I like looking in them. now I like getting dressed for things. now I like having sex, because it's in a body that feels more right, because I'm being perceived in a way that feels right, a way that allows me to be a participant. now I can participate in a lot of things and genuinely feel like a participant

What do you think it says about how miserable it is to be a closeted trans woman, that being an out trans woman (who feels the full force of misogyny + transphobia + transmisogyny) is typically a massive improvement? What do you think it says about just how bad transmisogyny is, that for most out trans women, the idea of being treated like a cis woman in society is like a beautiful dream that's tantalisingly out of reach?

That's not to say that being treated like a cis woman is not bad, or that it doesn't involve serious suffering, of course it does! But it should tell you something about the severity of transmisogyny to know that experiencing "just" misogyny would be the best best best case scenario imaginable to a typical trans woman.

I don't know. when I was a little girl and my brother and I would play out stories with our cow plushies, they were married like my parents and mine was the wife, and I liked that. when my mom would sing "brown eyed girl" in the car, I thought she was singing about me, because I had brown eyes. as I got older I was taught to repress all that, and so I did. but when I started going through puberty, I was jealous of the puberty the girls in my class were getting, and I would lie awake wishing I was growing boobs too. as I grew up I looked in mirrors less and less and tried to ignore what was happening to my body. when I went to the mall with two of my closest girl friends, I had this deep uneasy pang in my stomach when we all had to use the bathroom, but I had to use a different one

then one day, shortly before turning 18, I saw my face through the fog on the mirror after a shower, and my head kind of auto-filled the details. my ideal version of myself was looking back at me, and I knew that was who I wanted to be when I became an adult. and suddenly it made sense that I always changed in the stalls in the boys' locker room, it made sense that I was terrified of sex (or, the role in sex a "boy" is supposed to take) and avoided it like the plague

the fact that I'm a woman is the key that makes sense of so many things that didn't make sense without it. and now I get to go through the puberty I always wanted. now I choose to have mirrors in my spaces because I like looking in them. now I like getting dressed for things. now I like having sex, because it's in a body that feels more right, because I'm being perceived in a way that feels right, a way that allows me to be a participant. now I can participate in a lot of things and genuinely feel like a participant

What do you think it says about how miserable it is to be a closeted trans woman, that being an out trans woman (who feels the full force of misogyny + transphobia + transmisogyny) is typically a massive improvement? What do you think it says about just how bad transmisogyny is, that for most out trans women, the idea of being treated like a cis woman in society is like a beautiful dream that's tantalisingly out of reach?

That's not to say that being treated like a cis woman is not bad, or that it doesn't involve serious suffering, of course it does! But it should tell you something about the severity of transmisogyny to know that experiencing "just" misogyny would be the best best best case scenario imaginable to a typical trans woman.

I don't know. when I was a little girl and my brother and I would play out stories with our cow plushies, they were married like my parents and mine was the wife, and I liked that. when my mom would sing "brown eyed girl" in the car, I thought she was singing about me, because I had brown eyes. as I got older I was taught to repress all that, and so I did. but when I started going through puberty, I was jealous of the puberty the girls in my class were getting, and I would lie awake wishing I was growing boobs too. as I grew up I looked in mirrors less and less and tried to ignore what was happening to my body. when I went to the mall with two of my closest girl friends, I had this deep uneasy pang in my stomach when we all had to use the bathroom, but I had to use a different one

then one day, shortly before turning 18, I saw my face through the fog on the mirror after a shower, and my head kind of auto-filled the details. my ideal version of myself was looking back at me, and I knew that was who I wanted to be when I became an adult. and suddenly it made sense that I always changed in the stalls in the boys' locker room, it made sense that I was terrified of sex (or, the role in sex a "boy" is supposed to take) and avoided it like the plague

the fact that I'm a woman is the key that makes sense of so many things that didn't make sense without it. and now I get to go through the puberty I always wanted. now I choose to have mirrors in my spaces because I like looking in them. now I like getting dressed for things. now I like having sex, because it's in a body that feels more right, because I'm being perceived in a way that feels right, a way that allows me to be a participant. now I can participate in a lot of things and genuinely feel like a participant

What do you think it says about how miserable it is to be a closeted trans woman, that being an out trans woman (who feels the full force of misogyny + transphobia + transmisogyny) is typically a massive improvement? What do you think it says about just how bad transmisogyny is, that for most out trans women, the idea of being treated like a cis woman in society is like a beautiful dream that's tantalisingly out of reach?

That's not to say that being treated like a cis woman is not bad, or that it doesn't involve serious suffering, of course it does! But it should tell you something about the severity of transmisogyny to know that experiencing "just" misogyny would be the best best best case scenario imaginable to a typical trans woman.

I don't know. when I was a little girl and my brother and I would play out stories with our cow plushies, they were married like my parents and mine was the wife, and I liked that. when my mom would sing "brown eyed girl" in the car, I thought she was singing about me, because I had brown eyes. as I got older I was taught to repress all that, and so I did. but when I started going through puberty, I was jealous of the puberty the girls in my class were getting, and I would lie awake wishing I was growing boobs too. as I grew up I looked in mirrors less and less and tried to ignore what was happening to my body. when I went to the mall with two of my closest girl friends, I had this deep uneasy pang in my stomach when we all had to use the bathroom, but I had to use a different one

then one day, shortly before turning 18, I saw my face through the fog on the mirror after a shower, and my head kind of auto-filled the details. my ideal version of myself was looking back at me, and I knew that was who I wanted to be when I became an adult. and suddenly it made sense that I always changed in the stalls in the boys' locker room, it made sense that I was terrified of sex (or, the role in sex a "boy" is supposed to take) and avoided it like the plague

the fact that I'm a woman is the key that makes sense of so many things that didn't make sense without it. and now I get to go through the puberty I always wanted. now I choose to have mirrors in my spaces because I like looking in them. now I like getting dressed for things. now I like having sex, because it's in a body that feels more right, because I'm being perceived in a way that feels right, a way that allows me to be a participant. now I can participate in a lot of things and genuinely feel like a participant

What do you think it says about how miserable it is to be a closeted trans woman, that being an out trans woman (who feels the full force of misogyny + transphobia + transmisogyny) is typically a massive improvement? What do you think it says about just how bad transmisogyny is, that for most out trans women, the idea of being treated like a cis woman in society is like a beautiful dream that's tantalisingly out of reach?

That's not to say that being treated like a cis woman is not bad, or that it doesn't involve serious suffering, of course it does! But it should tell you something about the severity of transmisogyny to know that experiencing "just" misogyny would be the best best best case scenario imaginable to a typical trans woman.

And like... you do get that that is kinda insane, right?

Because this is something that so often leads to suffering. And I am saying this as someone disabled, who had so many issues due to this in his childhood.

Just three examples: when I was 7, I was supposed to get checked for autism. My mother did not want an autistic child. Since she just could have a "neurotypical" child by refusing diagnosis, she did just that.

When I was 12, my mother had decided I needed a certain plastic surgery (one that had a minor health benefit, but still was largely a beauty thing). I did not want it. I really, really did not want it. We still went through almost the entire process until thankfully there was a doctor who went: "Wait, this is elective. I am refusing to do this on a child that does not want it."

And when I was 14 my mother refused to get me to the hospital when I had severe food poisoning. She refused me hospital treatment for almost two weeks. By the time I got actually taken to the hospital I was almost dead.

And here is the thing: all of this should just not happen. The doctor when I was 12 was cool, but... he refused to do the surgery because he had the right to make a conscience call. Legally my mother was in the right to force me into that elective surgery. And that just should not be the case.

A lot of children die and suffer due to their legal inability to consent - or refuse consent - to medical treatments. And I wish y'all would understand that.

And like... you do get that that is kinda insane, right?

Because this is something that so often leads to suffering. And I am saying this as someone disabled, who had so many issues due to this in his childhood.

Just three examples: when I was 7, I was supposed to get checked for autism. My mother did not want an autistic child. Since she just could have a "neurotypical" child by refusing diagnosis, she did just that.

When I was 12, my mother had decided I needed a certain plastic surgery (one that had a minor health benefit, but still was largely a beauty thing). I did not want it. I really, really did not want it. We still went through almost the entire process until thankfully there was a doctor who went: "Wait, this is elective. I am refusing to do this on a child that does not want it."

And when I was 14 my mother refused to get me to the hospital when I had severe food poisoning. She refused me hospital treatment for almost two weeks. By the time I got actually taken to the hospital I was almost dead.

And here is the thing: all of this should just not happen. The doctor when I was 12 was cool, but... he refused to do the surgery because he had the right to make a conscience call. Legally my mother was in the right to force me into that elective surgery. And that just should not be the case.

A lot of children die and suffer due to their legal inability to consent - or refuse consent - to medical treatments. And I wish y'all would understand that.

And like... you do get that that is kinda insane, right?

Because this is something that so often leads to suffering. And I am saying this as someone disabled, who had so many issues due to this in his childhood.

Just three examples: when I was 7, I was supposed to get checked for autism. My mother did not want an autistic child. Since she just could have a "neurotypical" child by refusing diagnosis, she did just that.

When I was 12, my mother had decided I needed a certain plastic surgery (one that had a minor health benefit, but still was largely a beauty thing). I did not want it. I really, really did not want it. We still went through almost the entire process until thankfully there was a doctor who went: "Wait, this is elective. I am refusing to do this on a child that does not want it."

And when I was 14 my mother refused to get me to the hospital when I had severe food poisoning. She refused me hospital treatment for almost two weeks. By the time I got actually taken to the hospital I was almost dead.

And here is the thing: all of this should just not happen. The doctor when I was 12 was cool, but... he refused to do the surgery because he had the right to make a conscience call. Legally my mother was in the right to force me into that elective surgery. And that just should not be the case.

A lot of children die and suffer due to their legal inability to consent - or refuse consent - to medical treatments. And I wish y'all would understand that.