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i am of the sincere belief that if ur on ur computer a lot you should visually customize it to high hell and back not just for funsies but also because it has literally made me less depressed before. its kind of like how rearranging your bedroom is good for your brain, yknow. i do stuff like this every few months
LIVE WALLPAPER: wallpaper engine. only thing on here that costs any money (its like 5 bucks on steam). im sure theres free alternatives but this one has a lot of presets and stuff so its less hassle and its what i use. might be a bad idea for lower end pcs tho
CUSTOM TASKBAR: retrobar on github (lots of different options)
CUSTOM CURSOR: theres a lot of places to find these, but rw-designer open cursor library is a good place to start
DISCORD: betterdiscord, im using the clearvision v7 theme with a custom background
EXTENSIONS (these are for firefox, might or might not exist on other browsers):
tabliss for the new tab theme
stylus for tumblr -> specifically the 'tumblr - custom dashboard pallette' theme for colors + bg, and this for the pre-twitterifcation layout
enhancer for youtube for custom youtube colors
the browser theme is just one i found on the firefox theme 'store'
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This is about as unrelated as it gets, but I was once on a cooking competition show as background. I had a prep list, and while the contestants were front-stage, I was in the back of the shot, doing the prep list, looking chef-y, alongside some other BG. The prep list was double-duty, it was also making stuff for the contestants to use later, but our main job was just to make the kitchen look busier. I imagine that in most shots I was in, I was at best an out-of-focus blur behind the main shot.
So at the beginning, the contestants are showing off their knife skills and making little fruit sculptures or whatever, IDGAF, and they were being interviewed at the same time. "What does cooking mean to you?" and that kind of stuff.
I . . . was not supposed to be interviewed. I was BG. The interviewer apparently, did not know who was a contestant and who was BG, so they came over to me. And after all of these eloquent long-winded philosophy-and-dream guided answers, they come to me, and go "What is cooking?"
And me, deep in focus on looking professional and getting the prep list done and not listening to the interviews, aware that I'm not supposed to talk or be talked to (I'm not paid for speaking lines!), but also aware I am the focus right now, but also aware that they will cut this out of the televised part and I can relax and shrug him off, but also suddenly aware there's still a live audience and I can't just shrug him off, but also confused because I didn't realize he was fishing for a deep philosophical answer: "Cooking is making food".
Well. I got a laugh out of the live audience, and they must have decided to keep the line because my pay was upgraded from "SSE" (Special Skills Extra) rates to "Speaking" rates.
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i just looked back through my photo album, and my notes from that year. (i’ll put a couple things below the cut)
i started one of my favorite jobs i’ve had 3 months before the year started, but by the end of 2021 it went up in (metaphorical) flames because of the owner committing rampant wage theft among other things. i still have a few of my closest & dearest friends because of that workplace, one who will see this lol, as well as some of the deepest social wounds that i’m still working to heal from.
i spent the entire year having to re-commit to living in my hometown after spendjng all of my time, money, and emotional capacity to leave it the year before - rebuilding my life enough to make it a few years down the road. i was in significant debt without any prospect of paying it off for longer than i llanned on being alive, no help from my parents, a job that barely paid enough for rent/bills, and almost no friends after having to cut off almost everyone i was close with because of their decisions in 2020 - it was a bad time with no good prospects to start the year off and the only reason i got far enough into the year for it to start getting better is that my flavor of suicidality had a specific date before i was Allowed To Give Up™.
i hadn’t started calligraphy yet - i was working on designing a font but never planned on doing it all by hand hahaha
i didn’t know i was trans yet - the guy i used to be had to fight through 2 more years of debilitating self hatred, depression, and texas summers before he had any hope of figuring out why he hated himself. it wasn’t his fault, he had no support for any self discovery/exploartion till halfway through 2021 and was doing his best - if he hadn’t kept trying i wouldn’t be here to talk about it after all. it’s been 3 years as of yesterday, august 9th 2023, and it still gets hard in the summer but i want to make it through them now, i have a future i want to be a part of and wouldn’t trade it for anything.
i got to see real* snow in my hometown for the first time, and take a night-hike through my favorite park with a friend to experience it in an entirely new way!
i made a lot of good food, took trips with my friends, created my One Good Cocktail Recipe that i’m still proud of, got way better at latte art, started inviting people to my home after growing up in functional isolation, had friends who enjoyed taking care of each other, walked 700,000 steps in a month, and so much more. 2021 was such a full year for highs & lows, and looking back now it’s crazy to me how much happened in that short time.
so what have i overcome since 2021? what would he be impressed with since then? i’ve clawed my way through every gutter & ditch i found myself in, fought to finally move out of his hometown, come out to everyone who mattered to him & held tight to those who still care about me while having to let go of anyone who chose to hate us after being vulnerable enough to let them know who i am, started to rebuild my hobbies on positive foundations, adopted a cat, dealt with some crushing circumstances, learned how to feel my emotions again, and just so, so much. he had no idea what would be just around the corner, a little out of view, but he wouldn’t believe me if i could go back to tell him haha. the last time he felt truly happy was 2005, he had no clue how much would change, how soon it would happen, or how much she would enjoy the rest ofher life - and a life much, much longer than she ecpected too.
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