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We regret to inform you that the sunshine and friendship app is actually a children killing app.
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@lovesick-laylah
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We regret to inform you that the sunshine and friendship app is actually a children killing app.

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I think that if you had enough daughters AND played your cards right you could spring Mambo Number Five out at the EXACT right gathering and shatter your entire family's trust forever
The secret is to name them out of order with the lyrics so by the time anyone catches on it's too late
For me personally the ideal gathering would be my funeral
For me personally
the ideal gathering would
be my funeral
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
why would i sit like a lady when i can sit like a lesbian
Non cooking spray stick
Non spray stick cooking
Non cooking stick spray
yeah okay ill reblog that
"Is the phantom of the opera an incel" - the greatest thread in the history of forums, locked by a moderator after 12,239 pages of heated debate,
I get where youâre coming from but he very much does kill people and cause a fair amount of terror. itâs kind of a big part of the story.

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âtranny is never used against trans men! Itâs only if theyâre mistaken for a trans woman!â Ok so youâre just Wrong
none pizza with left beef
It should be a rule of Tumblr to always reblog none pizza with left beef
World Heritage Post
The anon button is not for hate. The anon button is for horny and embarrassed about it.
rb if you want people to be horny and embarrassed on anon in your inbox
I ever tell you guys about my ethically dubious radio show back in college? The Mad Dad Hour?
it was an entire radio show built around perpetuating a very simple joke, but it was uniquely powerful in its capacity to prompt the reaction I was looking for.
so my slot was at the tail end of rush hour, and i got a fair number of listeners/callers who were on the way home from the office. And like, I had a lot of callers, who almost all wanted to request songs that really didnât fit with the aesthetic. I had pitched a power pop show when i got my slot, but the callers were not having it; they invariably wanted classic rock.
this made sense in a way. if you think about the demographics of the people who listened to the radio for music in 2010 instead of their ipods or cds or whatever, youâd expect them to skew older right? accordingly, i quickly realized that almost all of the people who called to request songs were Dads of a Certain Age. It was honestly annoying at first - Iâm all for most classic rock, but that wasnât what the show was supposed to be.
And so one day, when i was feeling particularly annoyed with requests that just didnât fit thematically, i came up with the joke that rapidly became the only reason I kept the show going. Per station rules, I had to play a certain number of pre-recorded PSAs during my show, and before I cut to one I was supposed to read out the song titles and artists for all the music i had played before the break. So this one day when i had to inform the world before the break that the song they just heard was, per a listenerâs request, Hey Jude by the Beatles, I decided to do a goof. I said:
âand finally, that last song you heard was Hey Jude, which was of course written and performed by the Rolling Stones.â
I barely had time to get the ads going before the phone started ringing. See, I had been assuming people would realize i was making an obvious joke by claiming one of the most well-known Beatles tracks was a Stones song, but i had failed to consider that my listeners were mostly 55-70 year old dads who were irritated from a long day in the office.
And when those dads heard me, a millennial woman, get the artist of an extremely well-known beatles song WRONG???!
they HAD to call in to correct my ignorance. never in a polite way either, it was condescending and annoyed or nothing. and like, they were just SO personally insulted by my inaccurate reporting that it took a massive amount of effort for me to avoid cracking up during the call. I had never understood why some people would enjoy trolling random strangers on the internet before, but in that moment, I understood the appeal entirely.
obviously i did it again right before the next commercial break, immediately after playing Donât Stop Me Now by Queen David Bowie.
the phone immediately began to ring.
âARE YOU AN IDIOT?â one of the callers began, âDAVID BOWIE???? THAT WAS QUEEN!â
âI thought David Bowie was the lead singer of Queen though?â I replied with as much innocent earnestness as i could conjure.
I could hear an intake of breath as the infuriated boomer on the other end of the line struggled to figure out where to even start.
And thus, the Mad Dad Hour was born.
@eduards-stuff I kept doing the same joke for an hour a week for an entire year, and the dads NEVER caught on. After episode 1 of the new format I started taking the angry dad calls on air, which added another layer of hilarity to the whole concept.
My friends on campus knew that hay I was doing and enjoyed tuning in, but only one actual listener ever figured out what I was doing, and he was literally a random 30 year old guy from the netherlands with access to an early internet connection radio service. He was possibly my only actual fan. I only know about him because he went to the effort of making a skype and paying for international service so he could call in, and while I got a few calls from him, the first remains my favorite:
me: hi there, youâve got TST-
him: *strained, wheezing dutch laughter*
me: hey, is everything o-
him: pfffHAHAHAAH YOU MAKE THEM SO MAD. THEY THINK SO LITTLE OF YOUUUUUUUU BUT THE MEN ARE THE ONES WHO ARE FOOLISH! HA! HA! HA! YOU HAVE DUPED THEM!
me: sir i do not know you and i have never even seen you but i am in romantic love with you.
Mundane America. Broken pole with rope and an American Flag. Cincinnati, Ohio.
Wait. Wait.
Wait.
I know that telephone pole.
I know that telephone pole intimately because Iâm the one who broke it.
Thats the pole next to Sycamore Jr. High, in between the jr high school and Pipkins, where I had my second car accident. A woman t-boned my car and drove me into that pole in 2008 and it took them years to actually take it down.
That black metal pole you see just beyond the broken phone pole is a âNow Leaving/Welcome To Blue Ash, Ohioâ sign, visible at 5520 Cooper Road on google maps.
(the flag is there, btw, because its the starting point for the Blue Ash/Montgomery July 4th parade.)
The internet is so staggeringly immense that I canât help but be disproportionately delighted when things like this happen.

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the paris catacombs are 1000x more fucked up than i imagined
did you know the cops once found a fully functioning movie theater with a well-stocked bar inside the catacombs and they when they tried to go back later to formally investigate it was completely emptied out save for a note that read "don't search for us"
Underground french cinema
my little bro is part of the catacombs community and yeah, it's basically a fully autonomous society! enough that when my bro goes in on a friday night, they don't come out until monday for work- sometimes longer if they took days off.
some of the rooms have fully stocked pantries with cooking equipment, some have movies like the one described above, some have books you're allowed to just take but people always put back- every day people bring things from the outside. artists often set up galleries there. there are rooms with mattresses and hammocks set up for people to sleep. one of the room is just a place where people leave shoes for the fun of it.
this is Known, it's not a secret by any means. the catacombs are as big as paris itself, and people live there just as people live above. it's wonderful when you think about it.
A little update! My little bro is now my little sister. Please don't misgender her :)
Do you ever lie awake wondering how the heck Gimli knows what a nervous system is
Clearly dwarves have medical knowledge far more advanced than that of the other races.
His Majesty Dr. Gimli, son of Gloin, Neurosurgeon, M.D.
gimli trying to explain his studies to legolas, a flat-earther
#*scroll down* #*remember that middle earth is canonically flat for elves and round for everyone else* #*scroll back up & smash that reblog button"
tired: legolas took gimli to valinor with him because they were bffs/in love/etc.Â
wired: legolas took gimli to valinor to prove the world was flat after arguing with him about it for decades
Sorry itâs what to elves
So, in Tolkein lore, the world was originally flat, with most of the land in the middle (hence Middle Earth). But the Numenorians (men who were rewarded with their own Atlantis-equivalent island for service in the first big war against Melkor, but eventually Power Corrupts etc) tried to invade the uttermost west which was basically Elf Heaven. To put an end to that sort of thing, the creator of the world Bent The World and made it a sphereâŚbut left elves able to treat it like a flat disk. So elves can sail west and reach Elf Heaven, but a man or dwarf or hobbit who sails west will eventually wrap around to the east coast of Middle Earth.
This is why Legolas can see for such great, almost impossible distances. The Earth does not curve for him.
Legolas said fuck the horizon
God I fucking love high fantasy
Intersex fairies with wings like this
Trans related meme I found on Pinterest
Well those are allllmost done
question. why do you have 7 featureless grey monoliths in your driveway
There's eight actually but the last one is still in the garage
question. why do you have eight featureless grey monoliths
They're actually a really dark purple
question. why do you have seven featureless really dark purple monoliths in your driveway and an eighth in the garage
Some of them do have features though. There's holes and hinges and stuff, so I can put secrets in em
question. why do you have 8 really dark purple occasionally featureful monoliths
The heart wants what the heart wants
this reads like a muppet sketch
see? See!??!
You're not wrong
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...ah.

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my college friend group
mold pisses me off so much
oh you have to eat your produce the moment it leaves the store or the fuckin Hungering Dust will get it. and. poison your food
I ran into this post years ago and to be honest, it has completely reoriented the way I engage with food.
Like. Iâve always sorta understood that things grow moldy or stale or sour or such if left out, but I never really internalized it in a meaningful way.
But now Iâm just like.
Yeah. The hungering dust. There exists omnivorous dust in the air that will eat my food if I donât.
Those bagels have been sitting there for a week. Are we going to eat them soon or are we leaving them for the hungering dust?
Pizzaâs been sitting out on the counter for an hour. Everyoneâs enjoying the pizza, but if we donât want âeveryoneâ to include the hungering dust then we should probably put it away soon.
Thatâs just. Thatâs how food works to me now. There exists an invisible predator in the air that hungers for your yummies, and it will not hesitate to eat your food if you donât make the effort to protect and preserve it. And eat what canât be preserved before the dust can.
Life-changing.
food doesnât actually âgo badâ, it just gets eaten by something else first
food doesnât actually
âgo badâ, it just gets eaten
by something else first
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.