Will not stop dancing

I really do love it when a character gets to safety after some grueling experience they survived and got out of by their own strength and skill and cunning, and... then gets drastically worse very rapidly afterwards. Just utterly collapsing, sick, out of strength, in so much pain, hardly able to get out of bed without help, probably emotionally an utter mess too

Because they've just been pushing their body on and on, to its limits and past, because they had to, because it was up to them to deal with it all, there was no help, no back-up, nothing to rely on but themself. So their mind and body have just burned up all the reserves and endured it all as best as possible, they've held together until they got out of that situation

But now that they're finally safe, their body recognizes it. Now that they're finally safe they no longer need to endure more, they no longer need to keep anything together, to push the pain and exhaustion aside and refuse to feel it in order to go on. They're finally safe to stop all of that. And so- they collapse. All of it catches up with them all at once, and they have no optipn to keep it at bay anymore, they just have to feel it. Have to suffer the consequences of all the injuries, exhaustion, whatever illness they might've picked up, whatever's going on

Last year, I was planning a house show with my bandmate. I get that most don't think it's very punk rock to mask, even though that's exactly how I conceptualize it. (Bandmate has said that it's one thing to be in literally any other context with me, a person who regularly masks, and an entirely different thing to see a band on stage where only one musician is masking next to the others who aren't. It would raise too many questions—are they sick??—and look as if I were making a statement for the whole band, one it doesn't necessarily endorse.) Luckily for me, we've mostly stuck to studio work, where there's no audience and less judgement. But for this show, I decided to assert myself a little more and try to be the non-conformist person I know I am deep down inside.

It was my task to write up the invitation. Assuming that people generally don't or just wouldn't mask even if someone asked them to, I compromised and decided to instead ask people something like, "please rapid test if you're able or skip the event if you're symptomatic." I sent the draft to my bandmate. They responded that they were not comfortable with telling people what to do. They told me that they had never heard of events where people were asked to test beforehand, that they were worried that people just wouldn't come if they read that (because *they* wouldn't), and most importantly that I was being weird and controlling of others. They argued that the only way asking people to go out and buy and take a covid test would make sense to them is if somebody immunocompromised or like, someone with cancer were wanting to attend the event. I reminded them of my high risk due to my medical history. We went back and forth for days but never reached a productive compromise. The show was cancelled. The friendship and working relationship are also pretty non-existent and it feels impossible to move forward. It also feels like I basically have to choose between staying covid conscious or pursuing music, but not both.

I'm trying to work out whether this is all an opportunity to raise my distress tolerance over being perceived as difficult, as you've written about, get comfortable with disappointing and challenging people while sticking to my values, and hold my ground while I exercise some noncompliance with friends (even if it means losing that friend and a whole working relationship),

OR

If what's really happening is that I'm just trying to impose my political ideals, or expect "perfect" politics and conduct from people in my life when it isn't really fair to do so. I mean, I'm sure my bandmate (who I've always pegged as neurodivergent and is someone who proudly states that they are anti-authority), would also say that they're trying to meet their own needs just like I am, and even call how they handled the situation with me as practicing productive noncompliance with people in their lives.

Thank you for all your writing, I'm sorry this couldn't be shorter, and any insights you might have would be greatly appreciated.

oh my fucking god, your friends/former bandmate are being so fucking unreasonable and projecting so much of their own insecurity onto you! All that you have done is try to set a standard for yourself and make requests that people be considerate and COVID conscious where they can be; your friend, in contrast, has tried to control your behavior because of the perceived optics that it might have for others and to limit your words and self-advocacy simply because the idea of making requests at all to others makes them feel uncomfortable.

they are the one who is being completely out of line here, and the things that you were trying to do are completely fucking normal and common in the punk and queer music scenes here in my city. here in Chicago it is routine to see people still masking at venues and events, including performers and event organizers, and it is quite common still for more socially conscious and COVID conscious music communities to exist and to request the people either test or mask at an event. I was just at a performance at a punk house that required that everyone rapid test before walking into the backyard or the party! that same party also provided free prep pills, birth control, and narcan to any attendees that needed it. providing masks and requiring tests is just part of the same gesture of commitment to community well-being.

The kid was picked up by an ambulance 30 minutes later.

Now as an adult working in security I get SO MANY folks- upper-middle aged mostly- coming to me to 'rat out' people they think are faking it.

I was once sent into a bathroom because a client demanded that the "fucker won't get out, so go drag them out"- I was NEVER going to do that, so I did a wellness check instead. You know who it was? A person recently released from the hospital after a car accident. They had a hole in their skull and major hearing loss. They couldn't answer the owner because they couldn't HEAR the owner.

Another time about a homeless man who got around town by kicking the ground from his wheelchair. "You know he doesn't actually need that thing, his legs work fine, it's just for pity points"- Oh, so he's not paralyzed, his wheelchair is performative? Funny story Dale, I actually know that guy, he was backed over by a truck and has chronic pain from his shattered pelvis. But sure, let's make him stand up and walk everywhere so nobody feels too bad for him and tries to help him or something.

"She doesn't need that scooter, I've seen her get out of it."

"Look how fat he is, because he just rides around and refuses to get up."

"She doesn't really need that cane- she comes here without it all the time"