The Exposition Dragon

This is going to go so badly. It's going to go so, so badly. Takky, I am cringing in advance.

OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE

Takky, the option I gave you was "Tell Her How I Feel". This is not that. Demanding to know how she feels is the opposite thing!

What I think is that demanding someone share their feelings towards you without first offering yours is a dick move. Love Confessions can be really cute, Takky, but a Reverse Love Confession just comes off as pushy and cowardly.

Lo, the prophecy has been self-fulfilled. Honor the wisdom of the sages evermore.

So Tsubasa then?

No, Tsubasa just built a sleep analyzer. In this case, Kako would be the wise sage. Which makes sense, really. Maybe that's why she thought it was an affection analyzer. She got a vision of this exact moment.

You know what? I'm proud of Nozomi for being honest and not trying to placate him. That's a hard thing for anyone to do, especially when the other party is coming on as aggressively as Takky was just now.

But she stood her ground and told him off. Good for her.

Is anyone else feeling Kingdom Hearts all of a sudden or is that just me?

I love how Moko just pops in here in both timelines to rub salt in Takky's wounds. Moko should pop up in every ending to go "WOW, WHAT A LOSER!!!" It's the best thing ever.

It's wild that both outcomes lead to bad endings, though I do feel like this one is the "bad" one since we find out the truth about the device in the other one. Still, though.

I would say these two endings are punishment for snubbing Sirei but agreeing to Sirei's meeting ends just as poorly both ways too.

I think Comedy Route is just like this.

Nozomi: Takumi. This is an intervention. We're here to tell you that we love you-- Kurara: Ew, what? I'm not. Nozomi: All of us but Kurara are here to tell you that we love you and we think you should stop using the motivation switch. Tsubasa: I'm not. Nozomi: You're not? Tsubasa: Uh, why would I tell him that? I'm the one who keeps using the massager. Takumi: YEAH TSUBASA'S GREAT. DON'T BE MEAN TO TSUBASA. Nozomi: Wait, you're still helping him with that? Darumi: Ooooh, Takumi's got himself an enabler! Nozomi: Why are you helping him!? Tsubasa: Free labor. Takumi: I CAN LIFT SO MANY HEAVY THINGS YOU GUYS Nozomi: Okay, well, the rest of us-- Ima: My Sister Dearest and I are only here because we were promised free pizza. Kako: Is there going to be free pizza? Nozomi: I will order the pizza after Takumi agrees to stop using the motivation switch! Shouma: Hey, where's Gaku? Takemaru: He's at work right now. He's making pizzas. Nozomi: He's going to deliver the pizza and also tell Takumi to stop using the motivation switch! Takumi: NO HE'S NOT HE'S JUST GONNA TALK ABOUT LESBIANS Kyoshika: He knows where to find lesbians? Takumi: NOPE Kyoshika: ...on an unrelated note, I volunteer to flag him down and retrieve pizza! Nozomi: We're getting off-topic! Takemaru: Look, man! You gotta stop all this shit before I have to step in and stop it for you! Tsubasa: Wait, are you threatening to hit me? Takemaru: Wha-- N-No, I'm threatening to hit HIM. Takumi: I ACCEPT LET'S GO Nozomi: No! Takemaru: ANY TIME (Three hours later) Takemaru: Well, I had you all wrong. A real man lets his fists do the talking for him and your fists practically sang. Takumi: I can see through time! Takemaru: You want to keep doing whatever this is, you go for it. You've earned my respect, Takumi. Nozomi: TAKEMARU YOU HAD ONE JOB Kyoshika: I return! With pizza, as foretold by the promotional brochure that Nozomi distributed for this event! Kako: Wait, there were brochures? I never got a brochure. Takumi: One time Nozomi and I hugged each other until the fire came but she was a jellyfish. Nozomi: I gave two of them to Ima. He was supposed to give you one. Ima: It had been my intention to sneak away and attend this meet-up, then smuggle an entire box of pizza back to Sister Dearest. However, she spotted me when I was sneaking out, so I had no choice but to bring her along. Takumi: Bringing everyone back is a good idea but we shouldn't let Gaku do it. Moko: Why did it take you three hours to get pizza from Gaku? Kyoshika: He was unfortunately not very knowledgeable on the whereabouts of real lesbians, though I searched both the pantry inside the pizzeria as well as the bushes outside. He did, however, have a great many manga recommendations for me from a genre known as yuri. Takumi: She was wearing the tomato the whole time. Nozomi: I give up....

No, of course not. That is obviously a terrible idea.

I mean, it might. That's how graduating from normal school goes. You go your separate ways, get jobs, go to college, don't ever see most of the people you knew back then again.

But if anything, that's just more reason to wait and see what the next stage of your life is actually like before you try and enter into a serious relationship with one of the people here. Graduation day is a terrible time to ask someone to go out with you. You didn't get to spend high school together at all and now you get to go to different colleges; It's the worst of both worlds!

Kako went and tattled on us?

Yeah, that makes sense. At some point, she must have gotten curious about whether we ever gave the "affection meter" back. She might even have wanted to borrow it herself.

I FUCKING TOLD YOU

Also, wow, Nozomi gets incredible sleep. Good for her.

How do you know that? 0 could mean that she gets terrible sleep.

Because Ima rated 18 while Bestie rated 53. And Bestie has insomnia. So clearly the higher value means worse sleep.

I have no sympathy. This was super obvious.

THAT'S WHAT I FUCKING SAID

You know, it's actually kinda weird that Nozomi gets perfect sleep considering she's haunted by trauma over her mother's suicide. Wild that that doesn't affect her sleep at all.

Ima's also been through a lot of traumatic experiences too, but his reading is low.

Yeah, but Ima and Kako are street urchins. These soft beds are probably the best sleep he's had in years, especially since we know he and Kako still sleep together out of habit.

This feels like a really abrupt and kinda random way to end things. And yet, I feel a bit of catharsis at watching Takky melt down like this after how dumb he's been this timeline.

This might hit better if Takky had spent more time with the "affection checker" making actual use of it and maybe developing the misunderstanding more.

Maybe we could have gone on a Plot Gift expedition to get someone something they want like a stereo or caffeinated drinks or video games, and then the next day their rating is higher. And we could be like "Wow, they like us more!" but actually our gift is making them sleep worse.

The affection checker should have been the focus of the route and not just a footnote occasionally brought up.

They say you can still find him kneeling there on the ground lost to the world to this day.

They're wrong because we picked him up and moved him into the Escape Pod. Takemaru physically lifted and moved him, still in that position.

But they say it.

Once we were back in the Artificial Satellite, he didn't talk to anyone. Didn't do anything. He holed himself up in his government-assisted living shelter and became a recluse.

Until one day a pair of advanced technological goggles arrived that would allow him to form close personal relationships with his furniture....

Did we keep our clothes on this time? Because if so, it's at least an improvement over the last time we fought her. But considering the similar circumstances, I'm not assuming anything.

Hey, that was my thought too! Wow, the motivation switch builds tolerance quickly. We went from a week-long effect to just a couple hours on the second dose.

I feel like you're satirizing people who use cheat codes or mods to win video games but I don't understand why or where it's coming from. Seems like a random shot to fire.

After you singlehandedly won the fight with V'ehxness, the whole team agreed to leave you lying facedown in the dirt.

Even Nozomi!

Would you expect any different from them?

G, I would do no different from them. I just think it's funny.

We should party like it's our last night on Futurum? Because it probably is, since the humans are going to have us all shot?

No, not really. Takky, I know you said you wanted to impress Nozomi and get her affection up above a 0 value, but that's a gradual process. I don't think you should jump straight from 0 to LOVE CONFESSION.

That sounds like a terrible idea that would probably be hilarious to see play out.

Takky, neither of these options are about the motivation switch but the motivation switch is the thing that is bad. The thing that is bad is getting high as balls right before trying to speak to the girl you like.

It's fine to go tell her how you feel if you do it without the drugs. Because her affection value isn't actually 0. That's obviously not what the device is. So the thing about jumping from 0 to LOVE CONFESSION doesn't actually apply.

Okay but we haven't dealt with V'ehxness yet. Why did it wear off so fast?

Shit, are we building up a tolerance? We may need harder shit.

No banter, V? I guess it's because you don't actually have anything to do in this timeline.

The moral of the story is that people who complain about substance abuse in competitive sports are losers.

There is nothing wrong with taking the edge off with a little bit of dosing on the side. If it bothers you so badly then why don't you do some drugs too so you can keep up?

You're using your sarcasm voice but is there actually a reason why people can't do that?

Oh, yes, absolutely. There is a legitimate rationale for disallowing performance enhancers from competitive sports. Basically, if we let athletes dose then sports just turn into an arms race to see which coaches can devise the best chemical cocktails for turning their athletes into inhuman performance machines.

Yeah, that's called burnout. You might need another hit if you want to get back in the zone again.

He might also be hungry. I know I get in a pretty bad mood when I haven't had something to eat in a while.

Speaking of which, I want to see Motivation Darumi! Why is Takky the only one getting high even though everyone doped during the battle? Doing drugs and getting personality warped is the most fun thing about this timeline and no one else is doing it!

Drugs are a social activity!

Blame Kako. She accidentally gaslit him into an emotional breakdown and, richly deserved though that is, now we all have to suffer the consequences for it.

Nah, he just needs to be juiced again. That's what you do when you come down, right? You take another hit.

The timing is truly remarkable, yes. The better question is, why wasn't he doing this days ago when the rest of you came down.

What was the point of dosing the entire team if we're not going to engage with the entire team getting dosed?

I guess the novelty of getting to skip the Dahl'xia and V'ehxness fights is nice but I'm just so disappointed at the complete lack of hijinx and shenanigans we're getting up to.

Isn't this supposed to be part of Comedy Route?

Oh, right. Substance abuse. That's what we're doing.

Um.

Somehow, I'm with Darumi and Moko. It's great that Takky's not moping around being useless but him being motivated is freaking me out.

Are we going to use it against V'ehxness too? Because we might be able to black out and then wake up on the Artificial Satellite. That may be a way to beat the time loop.

Or we'll black out and wake up on the ground while the missiles are coming down.

That is also possible.

Let's roll those dice!

We need hard drugs for Sirei. Tsubasa, surely you can design something that will make an AI short out in just the right way to simulate the experience of being extremely high.

Thank you for laughing at Sirei's pain, Takky. I appreciated that.

You still haven't confirmed with Tsubasa what the device is. Stop just taking Kako's speculation on faith!

So. Spencer created Elpis, a viral counteragent to all of the virus weapons that Umbrella's building. He secured Elpis behind a password-locked terminal. If the right password is entered, then Elpis will be unlocked for use. But if the wrong password is entered, Elpis will be immediately destroyed.

Spencer said that Elpis was the most powerful virus weapon in the world. What the hell does this mean? Well, as Victor explains, having a cure for viral bioweapons would make viral bioweapons less effective as a means of armed warfare between nations and rogue elements. Therefore something something TOTAL COLLAPSE OF GLOBAL POLITICAL AND ECONOMIC SOCIETY.

All of society will be brought to its knees because zombies can now be cured.

But only if they can figure out the password.

That's where Grace comes in. See, Grace is Spencer's daughter. She's a perfectly normal girl with nothing special about her whatsoever. However, this one time in an interview, Spencer said she was his "hope". And the password that unlocks the terminal is "Hope".

That makes Grace the key to all of this. The only way to destroy civilization by unlocking a cure for zombies is by either taking custody of Grace so that she can be used to unlock the console or recreating Grace via cloning.

Releasing Elpis can only be done by Grace. Decades of research and billions of dollars of development have gone into trying to reproduce Grace, while lives have been lost trying to abduct her.

Because one time in an interview she was not present for, Spencer used a word to describe her. And that word opens his terminal.

In order to try and find the password, they started making clones of Grace and then exposing them to T-Virus experiments that would unlock their genetic memory of Grace, the original and the only successful subject.

"Successful subject" here defined as "Grace knows the password", because it's a word that was used to describe her once during a conversation she wasn't privy to. Thus, the decades-long genetic memory experiments to try and unlock the clones' memory of the password, which Grace doesn't possess anyway.

In fact, they were so excited to do it that they started cloning Grace to unlock her genetic memory years before Grace was even born! Now that's gumption.

The experiments continued, creating and butchering clone after clone of Grace as the T-Virus just mutated them all into monsters instead of revealing the word.

Meanwhile, Alyssa Ashcroft took custody of the one true Grace following Spencer's death. She was able to raise Grace in peace for many years because the clear paper trail where Spencer's Last Will and Testament named Alyssa as Grace's new legal guardian proved to be a very difficult puzzle for Victor to solve. But many years later, when Grace was a teenager, he finally tracked her down.

Victor's men tracked Alyssa to a hotel, where Alyssa had both Grace and the most dangerous piece of information of all: A video recording of the interview where Spencer said the word that unlocks the terminal to her. If Victor gained access to that interview, it would be the end of the world.

So, thinking quickly, she stashed her briefcase behind the most fireproof painting in the hotel moments before it burned down. Then she, the only person in the world who was in the room when Spencer said the word that unlocks the terminal, was brutally murdered; Another powerful stride forward in the name of finding out what the word is.

But Grace got away and Victor shrugged his shoulders and stopped caring for several years more until Grace became an FBI agent. Trying to kidnap an orphan with nowhere to go is too hard. He had to let her go until she became a federal agent, who are historically much easier to make disappear than street urchins.

All of this finally brings us to the moment when Victor baited Grace into a trap by staging murders in the hotel Alyssa died, trusting that the FBI would assign the investigation to the only agent in their employ with deep personal trauma connected to that location.

All for the purpose of finally getting his hands on the one true Grace so that she can tell him the password she was not in the room to hear when it was said to Alyssa, allowing him to unlock a cure for the T-Virus and therefore bring about complete global anarchy.

...