Your Super Buff Goth GF

Fucked up off 2 pillows and a blanket

*packing my suitcase for a 3 day trip* hm, but what if I need my terracotta warriors..

girl it’s just a 3 day trip, you do not need to bring your terracotta warriors 🙄

It’s practically 2014 and you guys still don’t know how to google if an article is real or not before giving it 100,000 notes

I have the biggest dick in 40 square miles

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Take them all Dont care

Weed: I will smoke catnip Alcohol: I will drink mountain spring Jacking off: I will lie with my lover Video games: I will whittle and sculpt

Life could be a dream

if i hang out with one of my buddies it's true detective. but if i hang out with two of them it's challengers. but if another one turns up we get to be ninja turtles

I got blood inside my phone charging port and now it only works 50% of the time

get yellow bile in there next to balance the humors of the phone

you. I like the way you think. put on this little outfit I want to make you my royal advisor.

can i tell from the little outfit if I am going to be the royal advisor (jocular) or the royal advisor (sinister)?

it depends on the size of the boob window. we’ll get there when we get there.

Standing in the pasta aisle eyes closed trying to picture the mouthfeel of different pasta shapes with perfect clarity in the theater of my mind

onion rings are so funny conceptually. like yeah just throw a little bread on it, now it's normal to eat an entire onion in one sitting

praise God for this beautiful world

youtuber with a beard merch be like *silhouette of a beard*

When it shpuld be a silhouette of a cock...

?

Whats not clicking

I’m going to the grocery store does anyone want to sublet my apartment for 45 minutes

How much

Only 3400

hot damn 🏃‍♂️ cmon guys lets go 🏃‍♂️🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🐕🧞‍♀️

ok I’m back you and your boyfriend and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your dog and your djinn can go

*me talking to a guy with a penis* listen here, penis boy.

I would chortle so hard if someone addressed me this way

the hard chortler