It’s Jeans Town, Baby!!!!

me every time I buy a bunch of shit on the auction house: I am stimulating the economy. from my pocket to yours my friend. support small businesses. *imagining how happy the other player will be when they're notified that I bought something from them*

watching game of thrones and this was considered a historically accurate portrayal of steppe nomads??? the faux leather strapless crops and faux leather yoga pants?????

one thing this show clearly doesn’t get, which a lot of modern portrayals of premodern times don’t seem to get, is that in a preindustrial society where literally everything is handmade, people preferred (and prefer!) to take a little longer to make things beautiful. if you’re personally spinning and weaving and stitching every inch your new coat, you might as well take an extra afternoon to dye the fibers a really lovely yellow with some onion scraps, and spend a little longer to embroider on a nice pattern. if you’re personally carving every angle of every chair in your house, you may as well slow down and carve them with a beautiful and culturally significant design, especially if you know your great-grandchildren will be sitting in them. in a hyperconsumerist industrial society it’s expected that you just buy what you can afford and settle for however beautiful or ugly the thing happens to be, but it wasn’t always that way. the vast majority of people in the premodern world were hobbyist artists, and they dressed in and sat on and slept under and smoked with and ate out of their and their ancestors’ canvases every day

highly recommend keeping a small portrait of a historical figure who met a grisly end on your work desk. for perspective.

Yes, your dentist can absolutely tell if you masturbated at home before your appointment. And in fact, a shower and change of clothes does little to hide this. The best step forward is to apologize to your dentist for masturbating.

- mockup of results from my new search engine called "Google OCD"

pausing mid thrust to open tumblr.com to delete the celibacy gif I reblogged 2 weeks ago

Why are they in Hell

because if you have sex you will die and go to hell

I haven't seen project hail mary but i am pretty sure markiplier was not in that movie

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.

At some point in your life you will be adding garlic to a dish and you will think "that is not enough garlic." These are angels speaking. They are correct. Add more garlic.

for sale: Baby Shoes Stylish Infant Boy Girl Unisex First Walker Shoes Toddler Walking Crib Shoes Lightweight Non-Slip Sneakers For 6 9 12 18 24 Months Baby Shoes New With Tags New In Box Excellent Condition Never Worn

Easily the most annoying kind of vampire in the world are the ones where you finally corner the fuckers and when you're going in with the stake they start spouting off sociology 101 bullshit to try and weasel out of it. "Oh, no ethical consumption under capitalism," "oh, the rich are the real vampires if you think about it-" yeah, yeah, you ate like fifty homeless people, asshole. Hold still

Okay but if you aren't a vegetarian your case against vampires is actually pretty weak.

I SAID HOLD STILL

of course, the best part of any character's corruption arc is their cool new outfit

My friend really changed once she became a vegetarian 

its like ive never seen herbivore

i sighed so loud my mom asked me if i was okay and she’s two rooms away

bus is my friend. shes no train but shes trying her hardest in a world that hates her