Live by the sword, hit rock bottom by the sword

My orlan’s portrait, revisited

question: what do you prioritize most when it comes to worldbuilding? is it important for you to have all the lore or history baked right into your mind when you start, or does it just have to make thematic sense, or something else?

Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. (and I am so happy that you like Cyprian! It always makes me giddy when I hear someone likes him, he's one of my favorites also, but I know ppl are a little,, divided on him, hahah).

Regarding worldbuilding, I'm very all over the place, and it's a bit of a weak spot for me I think. The only time I do some serious worldbuilding is in roleplays, but for my own personal characters I'm much more floaty about it. I rarely if ever start with a setting, and usually come up with an OC first and build the world around them, and I change things up A Lot as I go. I also like to borrow heavily from actual history, I rarely do super alien and unique worlds.

In RP worldbuilding, the most important thing is what kind of plot we're going with, and that influences a lot. Depending on it, the stuff to figure out for me before I can start is what period of history the world is going to be analogous of (even if vaguely), how much magic will be present, how much anachronism I'm willing to have, what region the main plot is set in, the general geography and politics and major powers, the general technology level, whether there's any religion/s and what their influence is, the demographics of the main region, and so forth. It's a pretty by the numbers approach, I guess, but I'm not super strict about it! I don't need to have everything figured out, but as long as the skeleton is there I am happy enough to then focus on random bits and pieces that catch my interest.

For personal OCs I just do whatever, though mostly I have something like a vibe or theme I want and build around it. A lot of them just exist in a void that I change up as I need. For example, with Cyprian;

(sorry about whatever you're going through right now, hang in there 🫂)

(Thank you, your message means a lot! 🫂)

Hmm. I haven't really been making a lot of new OCs lately–I do also have Harlan and Leslie, who are pretty new! I only really have two sketches of them, Leslie is the blonde and Harlan is the other dude.

Their whole deal is basically... never ending codependent road trip through hell. They both grew up in the late 40s-early 50s so you know there's something wrong with them but their current timeline takes place in 1974. Both draft dodgers (well, Harlan was deemed unfit, Leslie just got the hell out of there). They're locked in an emotionally symbiotic relationship. Their whole deal is a bit convoluted honestly... but Basically "I may have ruined your life but we had a ball didn't we 🤣 bitch don't lie."

Harlan is a dude who sees the world through this like... fleshy lens, a lot of things and people look weird and monstrous to him (as in, shambling globs of flesh and viscera, translucent jellyfish-like beings with strange organs on show, people with something moving under their skin), and it has been that way since childhood. Whenever he's near any ''creature'' he gets bad headaches and a terrible ringing in his ears, this is an effect felt by others sometimes but they cannot truly see the creatures as he can. It is ambiguous what these things are, what their purpose is or where they come from, because many of them are not actively hostile. He is a very silent and withdrawn person, emotionally cold, and self-sufficient to, like, a scary degree, but he's also physically assertive and intimidating when he wants to be. In fact, he overcompensates with aggressively exaggerated masculinity due to various traumas with deeply, deeply internalised homophobia and having to take over as the "man of the house" after his father died when he was fourteen. He houses a lot of shame inside of himself and sometimes takes it out on the world when he can't take it out on himself, having occasional, explosive and sudden outbursts of anger. It's a bit of a silence hills "they look like monsters to you?" situation wit him. These two are a shameless amalgamation of several pieces of media that have left an impact on me (whether I liked it or not) and I'm not shy about how much I'm wearing that on my sleeve with them hahah.

Leslie is just a regular freak. High charisma but has a complete lack of care for others' feelings or wants. He's a failed "rock star" (recorded one tape with his band and then they all left because they couldn't stand his ass), and is currently having a midlife crisis after various failed ventures. He grew up with more freedom and social mobility than Harlan, and unlike Harlan, is much more outgoing and doesn't repress his sexuality. He's always been deep in the counter culture of whatever time he's in, always evolving and looking for obscure new music and styles. In a way, he's kind of a "how do you do fellow kids" guy, and clings a lot to a time when he was a teen/20 yr old and much more cool (in his eyes, at least). He has something weird growing on him that he can't see, but Harlan can.

He's attention seeking and an extremely manic and restless guy, gets attached very easily to one person at a time. In Harlan he sees a lot of things: a shiny new project to keep him occupied, a temporary end to his midlife crisis, a man who he can change to suit him (but ends up becoming dependent on, oops), someone who does things that Leslie would've never been brave enough to do.

They're both control freaks in their own way, Leslie wants to control others and Harlan wants control over himself and his environment, and they have a push and pull relationship where they're codependent on each other and also horrible to each other. I like this song for them;

Anyway, they meet at a gas station where Leslie's been dumped by one of his friends after pissing him off in the car too much while they were road tripping, and Harlan's also stuck there because he's always got money troubles. Leslie agrees to foot the gas bill for this weird, quiet dude in exchange for transportation to wherever, and off they go. Things kinda... escalate badly from there.

Umm, I honestly have a 20k word document about these guys where i'm just writing things (and some of it is just shit like research on 70s shoe brands and car stuff lmao), but I don't wanna make this answer too long, if anyone wants 2 know more abt them I'm always open to chatting.

AS FOR BOOKS. Honestly this year at least has been slow for me, I've only read like 7 so far and unfortunately most have been kinda unremarkable. I have a my gripes about The Shards by Bret Easton Ellis but good god can that man write atmosphere. The constant descriptions of music and clothes and streets and other 80s-relevant pop culture could be grating but also made the world feel so... real, to me, in a way. I had the playlist associated with the book on while I was reading and had a ball. Right now I'm reading Three Parts Dead by Max Gladstone and it's a very fun urban (?) fantasy with necromancy and gargoyles and vampires and giant dead gods so far :-)

I really hope you're able to settle down eventually and finally get some rest.

what’s your favorite flower?

Thank you 🫂🫂 it truly does feel eternal, especially since my situation is ongoing and I can't get any closure right now. But it will pass, I am sure.

i don't think mental health professionals would necessarily approve of this approach, but if my other option is to not sleep for 48 hours, this feels like harm reduction i guess. i used it a lot when i was being stalked by a violent ex.

sending love.

First, I am sorry that was happening to you with your ex, it's a horrible situation to be in and I hope you are safe now!

Honestly, the value of a good scream/cry session can be unmatched sometimes, though I haven't tried going the extra mile with the blankets and ice water and such. I think where I am currently, I think my body is just dumping too much adrenaline to really have a fix, so doing this would probably not. Be very effective for me unfortunately. If I can even get myself to cry, it's very brief and dry because i don't have any tears left. But I will definitely be having a good cry once things settle down, and I'll try the water bowl/turning around trick!

Ahh, I honestly am having a hard time deciding because I have a lot of sopping wet creatures, but possibly either Cyprian or Angel.

Cyprian is just a repressed fantasy medieval orthodox christian (with a shit ton of religious trauma) and Itinerant Justice who happens to be part demon (not in the biblical sense, though, 'cause demons are a bit of a different thing in his world–essentially magic that has become 'dense' enough to develop thoughts and a physical form and also the ability to, uh, copulate with humans, which is how half-demons like Cyprian and his coworker Nikon happen, if rarely). He's very self-isolating due to the shame and self-hatred instilled in him since he was a child, is selectively mute, and generally has an offputting, cold way of holding himself and behaving in public that kinda reminds people of a lizard. He can move his eyes independently of each other too–that's pretty much one of the only ''powers'' he got from being half-demon, besides being completely resistant to magic.

He's incredibly lonely, though, he just doesn't know how to reach out to people, and a large part of him is afraid to. He has essentially reduced himself to a tool for his kingdom (a tool whose job is to go around and solve petty disputes in various locales, investigate wrongdoings, collect revenues and also behead people sometimes). His soul is just sopping to the core. He cuts his own hair and prefers the bald look.

Angel on the other hand is a more modern day character, and he. Also has religious trauma. Unfortunately I think I might subconsciously be trying to work though something with these dudes lmao. He thinks he is being Followed By God In a Potentially Menacing way. Essentially, on the night before he graduated high school, he got blackout drunk with his friends, and when he woke up, he found his best friend just. Eviscerated. The other friend that was there testified that Angel was responsible, but Angel didn't remember a goddamn thing and isn't sure if he did it or not. Either way, tried as an adult, went to jail, got out years later for various reasons such as the friend mysteriously deciding to recant his testimony, evidence being fumbled coming to light, things not matching up, good behaviour etc.

He has no idea how to be a free man not just because prison does not equip one for living in the real world at all, but also because he has never been free in his life, truly, having before lived only for his mother and their church. He's got a complicated relationship with his mama, he loves her and she loves him but they both have their own neuroses that make them just. Absolutely evil to each other a lot.

Anyway, he's having weird dreams, hallucinations, paranoia, and he can't figure out if it's trauma, his dead friend haunting him, the devil, or god himself on his ass.