This has been in my queue for months.

i wish i had somewhere to go like i dont feel safe anywhere

you are meeting me in a really suicidal time of my life

it’s because you’re always on that damn cigarette

It is with a heavy heart that I must announce my resignation from my position in sexual congress.

mutual who'll never let go of that one manga they read as a teen

Listen kitten, mommy REALLY needs to caramelize four pounds of onions in a huge pot. Mommy isn't sure if this is a sex thing for her just yet but she will keep you updated.

I feel like my life would be a lot better if I was given a scythe and a murder of crows that follows me everywhere I go

I thought English was difficult to learn and today I learned about Urdu

like what do you mean you have two different registers, one with a reverse word order AND station-based honorific conjugations

i love putting on perfume to sit at home in my pajamas. im cute and soft AND i smell good :D