This is legitimately the fucking funniest star wars post I have ever seen. Thank you for this.
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@jade-moray
This is legitimately the fucking funniest star wars post I have ever seen. Thank you for this.

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Theory: Nobody who writes a physics textbook gives any fucks
Evidence:
Update: Legolasâ pupils are about 3.5Â cm wide each. Now drawing kawaii Legolas on physics assignment.
And they told you science was no fun.
Science!
Iâm going to do it. Iâm going to hand it in.
Legolasâs pupil size isnât the problem here, though. 5 leagues is 17.262 miles. The curvature of the Earth means that for a person of average height, the visual horizon is less than three miles away. Even if your vision is telescopic and the atmosphere is perfectly clear, you canât see around the planet. If they were standing on a hill, it would have to be at LEAST 198 feet above sea level in order to see the horizon at 17.2 miles away, with nothing tall in between. Which, knowing Rohan, isnât impossible.
But consider: Elven satellite eyeballs.
you mean like
@sidereanuncia itâs back, the post that I can only imagine haunts your nightmaresÂ
I shall never find peace.
Also, for what itâs worth, thereâs absolutely no reason to believe that the curvature of Middle Earth is the same as that of Earth.
Thereâs no evidence that Middle Earth curves.
Yeah there is. Â The Silmarillion states that the world was curved after the fall of Numenor (I believe), preventing access to Valinor. Â But Elves (among others) can travel the straight path across it.
So middle earth is round, but not for Elves because magic.
So wait, the reason he can see that far is because Elves just have the ability to ignore the curve of the earth? Thatâs awesome. It also means that no matter how good your optics got, you would always want elf eyes manning the spyglass because they can see arbitrarily far while everybody else is limited by this âhorizonâ bullshit.
Oh thank God, my poor elf prince has seen too much in this post
Elves are flat-earthers
This post went from amusing to horrifying, to be brought back down to amusing, sprinkled in with some cannon explanation, and then you leave me here in fucking outrage
This post really was a rollercoaster.
for elves it was a straight line
happy pride to the gay people in my computer <3
boss makes a spider i make a slime. that's why i . thas why, tthats why i uhhh. t. thawhy
t.gats why i can't think up an end to the rhyme
GET BACK TO WORK

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For the this year's celebration of the Glorious 25th of May let me present to you my latest project.
Lady's Sybil Ramkin leather corset for a stage adaptation of sir Terry Pratchett's Guards! Guards! From sketch to final costume with lovely Errol the Dragon.
Corset made from genuine textured sheepskin and a lots of brass details like buckles, eyelets and studs. Straps has functional buckles and can be adjusted if necessary. Corset has cotton lining with lilac blossom print (I'm not sorry, I can't help myself, I wouldn't miss this chance for a little Easter hard-boiled egg). All creative processes was under strict supervision of my copilot Jarvis, as usual.
went to a new optometrist today wearing my squid facts âsave our freaks dont mine the deepâ shirt from @sarahmackattack that has a strawberry squid on it. and i wasnât even thinking about it but the optometrist walked in and he was like âoh what does your shirt sayâ so i showed him and he was like âoh thatâs neat!â and then i thought he might like to know about strawberry squid eyes since they have weird eyes and he is an optometrist and all. so i was like âyeah itâs actually a real kind of squid called a strawberry squid, their eyes are really cool because they have one big yellow-green one and one small blue oneâ and he kind of gasped and went âoh my god thatâs so interesting i wonder why they have that. do you know what their retina composition is like?â and i watched as he minimized my chart on the computer and started looking up images of strawberry squid and then he googled âstrawberry squid retina compositionâ and he was like âsorry weâll get to your eye exam in a moment i just really want to find outâ LMAO 10/10 optometrist experience will be returning
We investigated how they charge more for less.
So, we now know on a direct statistical level that Dollar General is literally making the Vimes Boots Theory of Economic Unfairness into a part of its core business model.
Sweet jesusâŚ
True, the chain pays its workers industry-low wages in under-staffed stores that can be magnets for armed burglary. And yes, Dollar Store management targets economically struggling communities, focusing on customers who make less than $40,000 a year and visit the store multiple times a week. âThe economy is continuing to create more of our core customer,â CEO Todd Vasos said in 2018.
But to those working class consumers, Dollar General promises to deliver âeveryday low prices.âÂ
In reality, without knowing it, customers are often paying Whole Foods prices for dollar store groceries.Â
A More Perfect Union investigation reveals that Dollar General charges premium prices across a range of staple goodsâ52% more per pound for chicken breasts than its cheapest competitor, for instanceâbut masks the high cost from consumers by stocking smaller pack sizes.
In other words, Dollar General often charges more for less. It offers low absolute prices for national brands, but in smaller pack sizes than other stores, in order to push per-unit costs higher.
Random old finnish folklore I recall reading: The reason you have to close someone's eyes after they die, or cover their eyes with a cloth if you can't, is because the spirit of the newly passed is still in the body and even though it can't move the eyes anymore, it can still see. You must avoid making eye contact with the dead body, because the soul of the newly dead is scared to go alone, and is looking for someone to come with them. If you lock eyes with the corpse, you will be the next to die.
...So is the second corpse still hazardous, then, or are they fine since they have the first one for company?
I must confess I don't really know about the more exact details of the undead buddy system.
The way this site can dovetail from a serious and spooky historical tale to the tongue-in-cheek title of "undead buddy system" is one of my favorite things
Drawing everyoneâs favorite staple remover tonight
Awkward teenage phase
Hit it with a hammer to get that nice antique effect
Fin đ
I might go mess with the shading again in the futureâit still feels a little incomplete. I was trying to figure it all out while in combat with a display case that was designed to mess with me specifically (best viewing angle has the displayâs corner seam running through it, and both faces of the display somehow manage to have a ton of glare and reflection)
For some reason a few people have found this post recently, but they keep reblogging the first image. And that's nice, I'm glad people like it, but it was just the sketch. I did finish it, and the finished one looks cooler. đĽş

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please stop entering my home and getting lost inside
enchanted by his whimsical aura
GBBO: âA sâmore is basically just an Italian merengue sandwiched between two ganache-covered digestivesâ
Americans:
in case anyone in wondering, this is Paul Hollywood's idea of a s'more
You know what, their absolute inability to grasp Mexican foods makes more sense every day
Nodding my head in support of the Americans despite having no clue what a sâmore is.
Okay, American immigrant to the UK here to explain all the mistakes from Paul Hollywood happening here: there is one fundamentally American ingredient required to make a s'more correctly but which is basically not available anywhere at all in the UK, and that is graham crackers. A plain digestive biscuit close-ish, but still a very different beast.
From Wikipedia: A graham cracker is a sweet flavored cracker made with graham flour.
The next ingredient (which is also extremely traditionally American but slightly more variable) is typically Hershey's chocolate, but you could probably swap this out in the UK with any plain chocolate bar.
Last ingredient is big marshmallows, the kind you do the chubby bunny challenge with, like the size of your thumb and twice as thick.
A proper s'more, the most traditional possible variety, involves to graham cracker squares, two slab segments of Hershey's chocolate, and one to two marshmallows depending on your preference for filling and gooeyness. You put a slab of chocolate on one of the graham cracker squares. Your marshmallows should be toasted, usually over a campfire but if you're doing them at home over a gas stove burner is fine, but the fire part is critical. You can toast them to whatever degree you like, some people like them nice and golden brown but still kind of firm in the middle, me personally? I want that bitch to CATCH ON FIRE, I want it gooey and sticky as hell in the middle, crispy and burnt on the outside. Slap that motherfucker on your graham cracker and chocolate square, top with the other one so your marshmallow and chocolate are sandwiched together by graham cracker on the outside. You do this with your freshly toasted marshmallow because ideally it will be hot enough to start to melt the chocolate so it sticks to the marshmallow and the graham cracker and, combined with the gooey marshmallow, it keeps the whole thing together, and for that reason some people will let them sit for a hot second to let the melting process happen (especially if like me you have chocolate on BOTH graham cracker squares, not just one, because you're a sugar fiend), but if you are a young child you do not have that degree of patience and you eat that shit immediately, unmelted chocolate and all. Consume your summer camp delight like a tiny club sandwich, get gooey sticky marshmallow and chocolate all over your hands, and enjoy.
Important note: this is a kids treat. It is a traditional summer camping trip dessert. It should be something any ten year old with adult supervision and access to the ingredients can make (and make a mess of). They're called s'mores because kids always "want s'more". If you are using a blowtorch, chocolate biscuits, and merengue, you are so far beyond the bounds of s'more-hood that you have thoroughly lost the plot. If you offered Paul Hollywood's concoction to an American child and called it a s'more, they'd tell you flat out that not only is it not a s'more, it looks dumb and you didn't do it right because it's not gooey.
the point is the mess. the point is getting to make a food, at age seven, whose two basic food groups are 'sugar' and 'fire'. the other point is that this food item is so crumbly, chaotic, sticky, on fire, and prone to being dropped (outside, in the dark, while you are surrounded by other children who are also sticky and on fire) that your supervisors cannot accurately monitor how many smores you personally have consumed. the point is also that you may get away with a smore that is five blocks of chocolate and two marshmallows if you move fast and let nothing stop you.
if you haven't accidentally yet unrepentantly eaten a chunk of twigs or dirt or a bug that got enmeshed in the creative process around smore number 3st, you are too old to have any legitimate input into what makes a smore.
There's 2 other points that I think are important.
The first is that you don't pull the marshmallow off the roasting stick and somehow put it on the chocolate. Your staging area will look something like this, with the graham crackers and chocolate already set out (though not usually on the fire like this, for us it was always someone's lap or a picnic table or something)
And when your marshmallow has reached appropriate roasting perfection, you use the graham crackers to slide it off the stick.
and ideally, as a CHILD you are using a literal stick. Like you walked around and spent time looking for The Perfect Stick off the ground while the adults set up the fire. It has to be thin enough the marshmallow will fit, sturdy enough that it won't bow, long enough that you won't burn yourself roasting your marshmallow. And preferably doesn't have a lot of bark that's sloughing off, OR so much bar sloughing off you can peel it all back and get to the clean stick under it. If you're smart, you might stick the tip into the fire first to "wash" it/burn off anything that was still lingering, but. well, most kids don't.
When you bite in, the marshmallow and chocolate SHOULD ooze out all over you. If you don't kinda look like this eating it, you've probably done it wrong:
The description of the marshmallows as being either brown on the outside but still firm on the inside or fully melted but burned on the outside is missing the true art: fully molten in the middle, without the black burns. Not to say OP is wrong for preferring the burn! But there is a technique for perfection and it goes like this:
You find a spot, not above all the logs where everyone sticks their marshmallows by default, but at the heart of the fire. Ideally between a couple logs already glowing gold. Something like here:
Below the leaping flame. Near the logs. There's probably only one or two spots good enough for this on any given fire, but that's okay because everyone else is up above. They will get their marshmallows faster. They will be either firm or burned or both. That's not your goal.
Rotate the marshmallow slowly. Ideally come in at an angle so the part closest to the flame is the side, not the tip. The spot closest to the fire is the spot that turns a crispy golden brown, and you want that everywhere, on the tip and around the circle.
You keep going, slowly turning, for several minutes. Several people will rotate in and out of the higher sections, getting their fast delight. Eventually, your marshmallow will start sagging badly, risking falling. Maybe it does fall and got start over. But eventually it will be golden brown all over, and so liquid it no longer clings to the stick. It is ready, finally.
You say "who hasn't gotten one yet?" And deposit it onto their waiting graham crackers and chocolate. You've made an excellent marshmallow. It isn't for you. Get another while you're over by the bags and go back to the heart of the fire.
That's your evening. One, slow, perfect marshmallow at a time, given to whomever still wants s'more. You're making art for children to stuff into their mouths cheerfully. You're watching the movement of the fire and the heat of the logs, like you would if you were maintaining it â maybe you would be, maybe you were the one who built it â but right now that's not the goal. Let someone else put more logs on, while you take only the one stick and find the best spot for it to live.
You will, eventually, finish a marshmallow and find that nobody moves to accept it. Maybe they're all eating right now, or maybe they've gone through so many they're hesitating. Eat your masterpiece then. Enjoy it, the hardest and most perfect result from a fun and beautiful moment. Go back in for another, until you've run out of marshmallows and the fire is too low or until even you are done with s'mores, until you have made enough.
"We don't want a gooey mess" pfft even the artistry studied at the feet of my father is inherently a gooey mess. That's the whole point!
Every word of every addition to this post is both 100% true and Pulitzer Prize winning writing.
That's because this is Silmarillion
Weird association game for you
What FLAVORS do you associate with DPxDC?
Could be something that makes you think of a character, or a ship
Why?
Kind of want to make some DPxDC themed hooch. Combine my hobby of wine making and infusing with fandom
Damnit
FRUIT LOOPS
Itâs right there
Cheese? Could I do something with cheese?
Oh this is going to get weird
Shoutout to the two people that said ranch, I both love and curse you because Iâm almost certainly going to do that
RANCH 2
Bittersweet, like the Angst some love, and the Comfort many enjoy.
Some kind of amaro, got it
Fudge!!

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Do I actually want to write this fanfic or do I just want to wallow in the delicious daydream like a pig in the mud?
Unfortunately I wish for others to wallow in my magnificent mud pit
thank you for the magnificent mud pits, fanfic writers
The number of people responding to this post claiming to be bodhisattvas is hilarious. If you'd resolved your karma you wouldn't be on tumblr.
A warlord asked his teacher, a great monk, what he would do in his next lifetime.
âOh,â he said, âI think I will spend a few lifetimes on Tumblr, most likely.â
The warlord was astonished. âYour merit and virtue are renowned far and wide!â he responded. âWhy on earth would you be condemned to Tumblr?â
âIf I did not post on Tumblr,â his teacher responded, âwho would be your mutual?â