The Witch Hunter

the mortifying ordeal of signing up for queer yoga and showing up to realize I've inadvertently joined a pack of a dozen other white undercut queers doing yoga to r&b in a studio plastered in stickers of That One Audre Lorde Quote White Feminists Love

everyone was offered an essential oil blend called Calm Yo Ass Down :/

[sets up the sniper nest for the mercy kill]

are you guys gonna wrap it up with the dog motif anytime soon

literally man's best friend but whatever. i guess you do sexual roleplay as some kind of tender-leaved houseplant?

you know full well that my sexual roleplays are geological in nature

alberta separatists? what does this mean

Means they’re Canadian for one thing

dude why is your cutie mark a cigarette burn & we arent horses

"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

they should invent a body that feels normal to be inside of

MY FINGERS BARELY EVEN TOUCHED YOUR STUPID FUCKING AD STOP REDIRECTING ME TO THE APP STORE

functionally suicidal character saying “I would die for you” to their significant other and its like. I get the sentiment, honey, but if a hot dog vendor told me he’d sell hot dogs for me, I wouldn’t feel very moved now would I

if u think abt it i guess bald ppl are the most aerodynamic. i bet if u shot a bald person out of a cannon they wld fly way further than a haired person

which of course is a huge advantage in day to day life