look behind me it's you

Guy who's learning about "reading things" for the first time.

Move over tumblr. There's a NEW new pdf in town!

working with kids and one of them says “you know you eat 8 spiders a night on average right?” and another goes “no no no those statistics are actually skewed by people who like eat spiders recreationally for fun and stuff” and my head snapped up like a fucking sleeper agent

the best fanfic is the one the author had fun writing actually.

the second best is the one the author used to work through some issues.

the third best is the one the author wrote out of spite due to some really dogshit discourse going on in their fandom

characters in movies love to wake up from surgery and immediately start ripping off all their medical equipment like theyre a sexy werewolf breaking their chains. brother you dont know if that tube is the only thing keeping you alive right now. calm down.

“The Favorite” by Omar Rayyan

Favorite what? Demon?!

Loving the fact that whatever it is is wearing a matching flower.

18th century Lilo and Stitch

HOLY WOW IT GOT EVEN BETTER.

…Goodness.

Dearie me, what is this that just popped up on my dash.

What is that orange dragon doing? Yoga or ballet? 😱

his best!

[suddenly very embarrassed about walking on my knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting] [realizing i know nothing about the soft animal of my body] um . does anyone know how to live a life not spent on their knees. asking for a friend.

my 12 year brother is talking to his friend on the phone and trying to arrange plans to go over to his house this afternoon and was saying that our dad could drop him off maybe and i just heard him say "well i could maybe come over earlier but my dad is busy sharpening his scythe"

muffled voice coming from the phone speakers: how long till the scythe is sharp

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, show me penis, cock and ball

If you saw me recreationally vaccinating homeschooled children with blow darts then you should be thanking me, no? Relax a little. Blow darts are cool

You are just jealous of my ethical human safari

At all times I am filled with a berserker like rage but thankfully for everyone around me I am much too tired to do anything with it

ahaha you sly dog! you bastard! [getting a little too comfortable] you wretched fucking animal