Wanderland

The strangest thing about a stranger is how connected you can feel to a person you’ve just met and will likely never see again you talk for a full hour they share about their life you feel like you know them but you don’t know their name

raindrops on the window pane

softly illuminated by a streetlight

I stand still in the silent room

a quiet melancholic peace within

I long, long for more of this 

lately there’s been a lot of noise

making my head feel clouded

but I want to think, think clearly

and as I look at the pale glow

its dimness penetrating my soul 

where you are there is no more night no more darkness  you are in the presence of Light Himself oh, praise be to Him, our Saviour Jesus Christ He prepared a place for you, a beautiful, wonderful place 

you used to roar with laughter, often a big smile on your face, but now we know that you are joyful always

the little bee goes about its day attracted to the pansy the sweetest nectar sorbet 

my lungs struggle to draw for breath, my heart beats rapidly in my chest, my thoughts are one tangled mess, my eyes’ floodgates are open wide

Yahweh, stretch out your mighty arms,  for your child is needy and restless, desperate to be cradled and sussed  by the sweet whisper of reassurance 

hear my anguished sob,  see my red and swollen eyes, hear my confused mutters, see my furrowed brow

sometimes it seems like God is softly whispering  to my dispirited spirit — oh lift up your eyes, my spirit, He is whispering, singing, proclaiming to my receptive, active mind as I dream; listen closely to hear His voice speak

but, oh my spirit, beware —  there is also the voracious predator prowling, like a snake hissing at my essence; it seeks to make me miserable in waking life and does not rest when I close my eyes

lifting off my blanket as I sleep in peace, paralysing my body with its venom —  in mortal dread I think that I will decease, my voice seems lost, I cannot pray until I speak the strange tongue to which the predator cowers away

he possesses the gift to attract a creature that feels inclined to retract he draws it out of its little shell the creature approaches; the sound of the bell

his deliberated, careful movement speaks the creature’s language fluent a sense of trust his eyes convey the creature’s subdued fear of betray

take advantage there is no self-respect she thinks this is love abuse it, exploit it

turbulent like the angry waves  wallowing in self-hatred the violent void within  stranded a shattered vase 

scratching walls with her finger nails screeching for belonging, oneness  ravenous and greedy, prowling for nourishment must fill, must fill the cup 

sinking deeper, anchor pulling her to the seabed water rushing into lungs, death behind the door dissociate and detach, darkness swallows up  can anyone help 

arm of strength reaches out  pulled away from death she spits out the dirt water her lungs emptied

the hand remoulds, reshapes the clay her entire being groans, surrenders  purposeful suffering  morphed into a new image 

I get no moment of rest from this fervent feeling my thoughts are racing  as if I am running on caffeine

wander the dusky woodlands uncover decaying corpses pour over gasoline drop the lighted cigarette

from a mountain observe a sea of flames engulf woodlands turn into wasteland all turned to dust

climb the mountain higher perceive the other side wasteland left behind paradise ahead

that seemed perfectly ok back in the day

but now with a new perspective

you realise how problematic it actually is

it can be the same with memories

a festive table filled with food yet it is not this food that I crave but time spend with you

a festive tree with beautiful ornaments yet I am not in awe of it when my mind is not really there

a room with people that I know yet I feel very much alone you always really saw me it all feels meaningless when the single person that knew you no longer knows you