REBLOG BLOG

imagine you're forced to do community service for killing people on a tuesday instead of a wednesday and it involves raising rabbits. and it goes okay the first time but the second batch of rabbits lock you in the basement for days until your landlord breaks you out. of course this results in you slaughtering almost all of them you're contractually obligated to keep some of the head rabbits alive. one divorce later (long story) you check up on these rabbits and while one has fled to the neighbour's yard and conquered a patch of grass to serve as a refuge for any survivors, another has set up a restaurant. for you. she tells herself and the others its to avenge the dead but she keeps sending baby rabbit assassins and you keep eating them. because they're rabbits. at any point she could stop. you aren't forcing her to send these babies to kill you. it has been several years and the restaurant has had so many paintjobs but the babies keep coming. would you not be at least a little obsessed

the first time i heard the phrase “i need that like a hole in the head” it didn’t even occur to me that many people don’t live with passive suicidal ideation at all times so i just assumed it was a way of saying that you really really needed something and i have continued to use it that way ever since

very important for elf characters to freak the fuck out about the aging difference thing and pre-grieve like crazy and scream themself hoarse with denial when they can’t stop death itself and they still look the same as when they met the frail aged body that’s going cold beneath their touch and eventually settle into a numbness that they’ll call acceptance but they never really let anyone get as close as they did in the first century of their life unless they know they’re going to stick around as long as they will

“why are elves so snobby and exclusive and cut-off from everyone else” befriending you means they’ll end up burying you and your children and your grandchildren and they’ll still be young. exactly how many times do you think you could choose to do that. if you live through enough centuries, eventually you run out of days in the year to visit each grave.

the idea that every summer will be as hot if not hotter than this for the rest of my life is unbearable i need to (remembers suicide jokes are bad for my mental health) murder an oil executive

A free-range group therapy called "get herded, idiot", where you and everyone in your group is set loose to run around on an open field while a highly trained shepherd dog tries to keep you all in one group. I am not sure what benefit this would have for anyone involved.

passing in public makes me feel like white shrek

4. you have to include a fishing mini-game

There’s something truly exquisite about stories where the real tragedy is the price you paid to stand on top of the world

Hollow victories … sacrificing your humanity on the altar of what you perceive to be the greater good … the loneliness of godhood … regret for the person you used to be … the realisation that there is no way back … *chef’s kiss*

Betrayed and backstabbed by your scheming evil advisor? Psch. Skill issue. Absolute amateur problem. Just hire two of them and reward them for snitching on each other. Just make sure that neither of them is gay or they'll just end up hate-fucking each other and fucking you over all the same.

"hire two evil advisors but make sure neither of them is gay" are you hearing yourself right now. be serious

This is killing me

Oh wow so me saying "no government documentation should ever include a gender marker for any reason" has been right all along. For exactly the reason I stated when people were giving me shit for not supporting x markers on documents.

one time a guy friend told me he was quitting league of legends and literally two weeks later she was on estrogen. these events are intrinsically connected in my mind.

There is still time [to stop playing league of legends]