your local queer cryptid

So my partner gets super close to two other students in his program. He was a film student so his senior year was being capped off by him making a movie. He decides he's going to make a movie about him turning into a salmon. He gets crazy into it. He starts eating salmon for every meal. He buys a bunch of salmon-related stuff. We found a T-shirt at Goodwill with a salmon on it and he thought it was divine intervention that he was doing the right thing. He walks into the freezing-cold Puget sound fully clothed several times to "get into it." He watches videos of salmon spawning and is like, "Nothing is more poignant than this." He gets a tattoo of three salmon on his arm.

The entire time the two students he got really close to are fully enabling him. It's a folie á trois sort of situation. They're out until six in the morning doing creepy art school shit and encouraging his (possibly no longer fictional) desire to become a salmon. My partner has an answer for everything. "Salmon get eaten by bears," I say. "That's a cool as fuck way to die," he says blithely. "And Salmon are free of the yoke of capitalism."

And if I dared to say, Hey, this is....getting a little odd..., he would throw a full-scale tantrum. I'm not supporting his dream (I wasn't sure at this point if it was his dream to be a filmmaker or his dream to become a salmon). I'm basically like, okay. Be a salmon! Fuck!

╰┈➤ A Detailed Guide

Soft domming is a style of dominance rooted in care, emotional attunement, and subtle power dynamics. It emphasizes psychological control, gentle authority, and nurturing dominance over overt force or aggression. Unlike hard or sadistic domination, which can involve intense power exchanges and pain, soft domming is more about leading with tenderness, calm confidence, and emotional intelligence.

This article explores what soft domming is, the principles behind it, and how to practice it effectively and ethically—whether you’re new to BDSM or an experienced player expanding your dynamic range.

This article includes:

What Is Soft Domming?

Soft Domming vs. Hard Domming

How to Practice Soft Domming

Common Types of Soft Dom Scenes

Soft Dom Archetypes and Roleplay

Soft Domming in Long-Term Dynamics

Communication Tools for Soft Domming

Tools and Props That Support Soft Domming

Soft Domming and Submissive Archetypes

Integrating Soft Domming into Vanilla Life

Emotional Risks and Boundaries

Is Soft Domming Right for You?

Final Thoughts

1. What Is Soft Domming?

Soft domming refers to a style of dominance where the dominant partner maintains control in a scene or relationship, but does so in a gentle, emotionally supportive, and often affectionate way. It’s not about being passive—it’s about being in charge without needing to raise your voice or break someone down. Soft domming combines intention with emotional presence.

Key Traits of a Soft Dom:

• Calm, steady authority: The soft dom isn’t reactive or loud. They exude grounded confidence that makes the submissive feel secure and guided. This can include measured pacing in speech, calm handling of unexpected emotions, and an unwavering sense of “I’ve got you.”

• Empathy and emotional awareness: A soft dom pays close attention to how their partner is feeling moment to moment. They notice the smallest changes in body language, tone, and energy. They prioritize emotional feedback over technical performance.

• Nurturing and validating behavior: Affirmation and support are tools of control. A soft dom leads through encouragement, not criticism. This is especially important for submissives who are sensitive, new, or healing from past trauma.

• Non-verbal control (eye contact, tone, body language): A raised eyebrow, a soft touch, a pause before a sentence—these tools become power moves in soft domming. Eye contact alone can keep a submissive grounded and obedient.

• Affectionate language, even when giving commands: A soft dom uses language that is warm, inviting, and laced with care. This could mean giving orders in a whisper, with a smile, or framed as a favor being done out of love.

Soft doms often engage in aftercare-focused dynamics, emphasize verbal praise over degradation, and create a safe space where their submissive feels protected, seen, and guided. That doesn’t mean it lacks intensity—it just manifests differently, often in a quieter, more psychological way. In many cases, soft domming can evoke even deeper emotional surrender because it builds on safety and trust, not intimidation.

2.

Both are valid expressions of dominance. Some people blend elements of both. The important thing is consent, communication, and knowing what works for you and your partner(s). A soft dom might still use physical tools or protocols—but the intention behind them is different. Where a hard dom says “Obey me or suffer,” a soft dom says, “Obey me because you trust me—and you want to.”

3. How to Practice Soft Domming

1. Understand the Power You’re Holding

Soft domming is not passive. You’re still leading. You still set the tone, establish the boundaries, and guide the experience. The difference is how you do it—with softness, consistency, and care.

Start by asking yourself:

What kind of control do I want to offer?

What does my partner need to feel safe and submissive?

How can I create a space where they can let go?

A soft dom does not seek control for its own sake—they offer it as a structure for the submissive’s self-expression. That’s a core difference: a soft dom views control as a gift given to the submissive, not a right seized from them. This mindset frames the entire dynamic in a more relational, cooperative light.

The role of a soft dom often resembles a caretaker, mentor, or protective lover—someone who holds space for their submissive’s surrender without violating trust. Many soft doms take on a teaching role, especially in newer dynamics, patiently showing their partner how to give up control safely and enjoyably.

2. Set the Scene with Intention

Environment matters. Create a mood that invites trust and openness. This might involve dim lighting, soft music, clear communication about roles, and rituals that reinforce your connection (like kneeling, collaring, or phrases of affirmation).

Soft domming scenes benefit from clear beginnings and endings. This helps define the emotional arc and signals when to “drop in” and when to return to everyday roles. The more intentional the scene, the more your partner can relax into it.

Examples:

“Look at me while you breathe, just like that.”

“Good. You’re doing exactly what I need.”

“Let me take care of you tonight.”

These affirming statements are commands in disguise—gentle but directive. They keep the submissive grounded in the moment while reminding them who is in charge.

Rituals are especially useful in soft domming. Even small routines (like having your submissive wait quietly while you prepare a scene, or removing their jewelry as a sign of control) build a framework of consistent dominance without harshness. A nightly “yes, Sir” check-in or a morning collaring ritual can reinforce emotional connection and power dynamics outside of physical play.

3. Use Praise and Psychological Play

Soft doms often lean heavily on praise kinks and psychological dominance. Instead of breaking someone down, you build them up—controlling them by becoming the voice they want to please.

Phrases that work:

“You’re such a good girl/boy/pet.”

“I love how you give yourself to me.”

“Stay still for me. That’s perfect.”

The goal is to make your partner feel wanted, seen, and owned—without needing to scare or overwhelm them.

Praise is not just about ego-stroking. It becomes a tool of emotional conditioning. You’re shaping their behavior and deepening their trust by giving attention and affection for obedience, vulnerability, or devotion.

Advanced tactic: Mix praise with mild teasing or restraint.

╰┈➤ For example: “You’ve done so well—but not yet. Wait for my word.” (This uses affection to control pacing and anticipation.)

You can also use psychological play with consensual emotional vulnerability:

Ask them to confess a desire.

Encourage them to write or speak affirmations.

Have them journal about their submission, then read it to you.

Control their focus through grounding exercises (“Feel the floor beneath your knees. Good. Now give me your eyes.”)

4. Touch and Nonverbal Control

Soft domming is tactile. It’s about controlling pace, movement, and reactions through gentle touch—stroking hair, steadying hands, guiding with a fingertip. Eye contact, tone, and physical presence often speak louder than words.

Tactics:

Pulling a partner close and whispering a command.

Holding their face gently while giving instructions.

Slowing their breathing with yours.

You don’t need impact tools to dominate someone’s body. You just need presence and clarity. A hand on the back of their neck. A slow inhale followed by, “Now exhale with me.” Touch can be corrective, rewarding, grounding—or all three at once.

Body language should be intentional. Every gesture—where you place your hands, how you touch them, how you lead their body—should reinforce control while offering safety. It’s the dominance of reassurance.

Breath play in a very light and consensual form can even be part of soft domming—not in the sense of cutting air, but of guiding breath to build rhythm and trust: “Breathe with me. Good. Let go now.” You’re not taking their breath—you’re teaching them to feel it more deeply.

5. Be Attentive and Responsive

A good soft dom reads their partner moment to moment. You’re not just doing things to them—you’re doing things with them. Pay attention to body language, breathing, eye movement. Ask questions when needed. Stay attuned.

Soft doms often check in without breaking the scene, using subtle cues:

“Still with me?”

“Do you want more, or should I slow down?”

“Give me a word if you need to pause.”

This maintains safety without disrupting intensity.

Also consider incorporating verbal or visual safewords, especially if your dynamic emphasizes emotion over intensity. For example, “green/yellow/red” traffic light systems work well, or simply: “tap once for yes, twice for no.”

When in doubt, overcommunicate. A soft dom doesn’t guess—they ask. And then they listen.

6. Prioritize Aftercare

Soft dom dynamics often go deep emotionally. That makes aftercare non-negotiable. Whether you were stroking or spanking, your submissive may feel exposed, vulnerable, or overwhelmed.

Offer:

Water, cuddling, affirmations

Gentle grounding touch

Reassurance of safety and value

Time to decompress and talk

The dominant may also need aftercare—don’t neglect your own emotional well-being.

A soft dom might use aftercare to reinforce their presence and ownership: “You’re mine, and I’ll always take care of you.” It’s a continuation of the dynamic, not a break from it.

Consider discussing the scene afterward in a debrief, not as a critique but as a way to reinforce trust: “How did you feel when I said that?” or “Did anything surprise you tonight?”

4. Common Types of Soft Dom Scenes

Soft domming isn’t limited to one kind of dynamic. The emotional range is wide—romantic, parental, mentoring, spiritual, and sensual. Here are some popular soft dom scene types that reflect the variety of dynamics:

1. Guided Submission

The dominant guides the submissive through a series of instructions—simple, slow, and intentional—using voice and presence more than physical restraints. This can be a highly meditative experience.

Elements to include:

Verbal pacing (“Take off your shirt. Slowly. Good.”)

Breath synchronization

Eye contact as a command

Praise for each step

Gentle corrections without shame

This scene is ideal for submissives who enjoy focus, structure, and affirmation more than degradation or discipline.

2. Service-Oriented Domination

Service submission is where a submissive expresses devotion by serving the dominant in practical or ritualistic ways. A soft dom uses tone and structure to reinforce that this service is an act of love and obedience—not obligation.

Examples:

Preparing tea, folding laundry, or assisting with self-care

Ritual grooming (brushing hair, running a bath)

Massage with instructions and affirmations

Following a daily care or task list from the dom

A soft dom might say, “Polish my shoes for me—not because you have to, but because it’s how you show you’re mine.”

3. Emotional Edgeplay

This is the most delicate form of soft domming. The dom gently pushes the submissive to explore emotional vulnerabilities—desires, fears, insecurities—while holding a secure, affirming space.

Examples:

Confessional scenes (asking the sub to speak secrets or confessions while kneeling)

Writing scenes (journaling assignments with deep reflection)

Mirror scenes (having the sub speak self-love affirmations in front of a mirror while guided)

Warning: Emotional edgeplay requires advanced trust and strong communication. Only engage in this with a solid aftercare plan and clear emotional consent.

5. Soft Dom Archetypes and Roleplay

Not all soft doms look or act the same. There are many expressions of gentle dominance. Think in terms of energy and archetype.

Common Soft Dom Archetypes:

Caretaker Dom: Focuses on healing, support, and soothing. May use nurturing tasks like feeding, bathing, and cuddling.

Romantic Dom: Uses poetic, affectionate language. Highly sensual, attentive, and deeply emotionally invested.

Mentor Dom: Offers structure, growth, and wisdom. May help the submissive with personal goals, mindset training, or emotional development.

Elegant Dom: Composed, graceful, and subtle. Dominates through poise, gaze, and precision.

Protective Dom: Soft but firm. Prioritizes safety, security, and acts of shielding. Physically or emotionally stands between the sub and the world.

Roleplay Scenarios That Fit Soft Domming:

Teacher / Student: Encouraging performance, gently correcting mistakes, rewarding obedience.

Royal / Servant: Soft authority, quiet command, focused on protocol and devotion.

Boss / Assistant: Not aggressive—more like calm guidance, mentorship, “I know what’s best for you.”

Healer / Patient: Grounded in body care and surrender. Can involve consensual caretaking in a ritualized way.

Roleplay is a way to express fantasies while reinforcing the tone of the dynamic. For soft domming, roleplay often emphasizes reassurance, personal development, or romantic tension—not humiliation or punishment.

6. Soft Domming in Long-Term Dynamics

While soft domming is often discussed in the context of scenes, many couples build ongoing power exchange relationships based entirely or primarily on this dynamic.

These long-term D/s relationships can include:

Consistent rituals and rules that affirm the power exchange in daily life (e.g., bedtime rituals, meal prep tasks, honorifics like “Sir,” “Ma’am,” or custom titles).

Emotional leadership, where the dominant offers guidance in the submissive’s personal or professional life with care and intentionality.

Long-term service tasks that provide the submissive with a sense of purpose and devotion.

Relationship coaching-style dominance, where the dom helps the sub achieve their goals by using encouragement, structure, and emotional accountability.

In this context, soft domming becomes a blend of dominance, life coaching, and gentle authority. It’s not about micromanaging—it’s about curating a lifestyle of support and erotic control.

7. Communication Tools for Soft Domming

Clear, compassionate communication is a hallmark of soft dominance. Here are some techniques that strengthen emotional safety and deepen connection:

Active Listening

Soft doms listen with their full attention. They mirror their partner’s words, offer empathy, and respond with care—even in disagreement.

Open-Ended Questions

Instead of “Do you like that?” try:

“What are you feeling right now?”

“What does this make you think about?”

“What do you need more of to feel safe?”

Tone Framing

Soft doms pay attention not just to what they say, but how they say it. A command in a calm, low voice lands very differently than the same words barked out.

Emotional Check-In Rituals

Establish regular moments where both partners can step outside the dynamic and reflect. Example prompts:

“How are you feeling about our dynamic this week?”

“Is there anything I could do differently to support you?”

“Do you feel loved and seen right now?”

8. Tools and Props That Support Soft Domming

Soft domming doesn’t always involve impact play, but some tools can complement the dynamic if used with care and intention:

Silk or leather cuffs for light restraint—focus is on containment, not struggle.

Blindfolds to heighten sensory focus and trust.

Feathers, soft brushes, or fingertips for sensory teasing and control

Vibrators or temperature play used while commanding your partner’s reactions.

A voice recorder (for recorded affirmations or commands they listen to when apart).

The key is not what the tool is—but how it’s used. The dom’s voice and presence remain the most powerful instruments in soft domming.

9. Soft Domming and Submissive Archetypes

Different submissives respond differently to soft domination. Here are some sub types that often pair well with this style:

The Romantic

They crave closeness, compliments, and feeling emotionally safe. They bloom under affection and poetic language.

The Caregiver Sub

They enjoy nurturing and domestic service and respond well to doms who appreciate and structure their efforts.

The Anxious Sub

They may have past trauma or fear around intense domination. They need stability, repeated reassurance, and warm authority.

The Praise Addict

They crave validation and emotional reward. Responds well to verbal encouragement, structured goals, and being noticed.

Soft domming isn’t one-size-fits-all—but understanding your submissive’s core needs helps you shape the tone of your dominance effectively.

10. Integrating Soft Domming into Vanilla Life

Not all soft doms are “in scene” all the time. Many couples incorporate the energy of soft domming into everyday interactions without formal BDSM sessions.

Examples:

Offering calming instructions during stress: “Pause. Take a breath. Look at me.”

Providing praise after difficult tasks: “You did that beautifully. I’m proud of you.”

Using rituals for intimacy: “Kneel in front of me before bed. Let me hold you.”

The power dynamic doesn’t disappear outside the bedroom—it just adapts to context. These moments reinforce the emotional bond and trust that soft domming thrives on.

11. Emotional Risks and Boundaries

Soft domming often goes deep. It builds strong attachment and emotional intimacy. That’s its power—but also its risk.

Potential Challenges:

Over-attachment: Submissives may idealize the dom as a savior or emotional caretaker.

Burnout for the dom: Holding space for someone else 24/7 emotionally can be draining, especially without reciprocation or breaks.

Blurry boundaries: Gentle dynamics can blur the line between kink and vanilla intimacy. It’s important to define what’s play and what’s relationship.

Unacknowledged emotional manipulation: When affection is used to subtly control without clarity or consent, it crosses a line.

How to Protect Against These:

Establish regular check-ins about emotional tone.

Define the boundary between dom/sub roles and “regular life.”

Encourage the submissive’s autonomy outside of submission.

Dom and sub both should maintain a self-care routine outside of the relationship.

Soft domming isn’t easier—it’s just a different kind of emotional labor. It requires ethical self-awareness and mutual respect.

12. Is Soft Domming Right for You?

Soft domming is ideal for:

Partners who crave emotional connection as much as (or more than) physical intensity

Submissives who feel unsafe with aggressive energy

Relationships built on caregiving, structure, or mentorship

People interested in blending intimacy and eroticism, without cruelty or humiliation

Doms who enjoy service, romance, or teaching roles

But remember: soft domming still involves power exchange. It’s not “just being nice.” It’s about intentional leadership with care.

And soft domming can absolutely include intensity—it can involve edging, restraint, orgasm control, or even tears—just held inside a container of kindness and safety.

13. Final Thoughts

Soft domming is about commanding with care, leading with love, and holding space for vulnerability. It requires maturity, patience, and empathy—but offers profound rewards: trust, depth, and intense emotional connection.

Whether in a short scene or long-term dynamic, soft domming is not about being less—it’s about being deliberate. You’re not giving up power. You’re mastering it.

In the right hands, soft dominance can make someone feel not just aroused—but cherished. Not just owned—but understood. It’s not about whispering instead of shouting—it’s about choosing your words like silk gloves instead of steel cuffs.

does this serve any purpose other than to make the publisher feel like they're Doing Something, and to help consumers feel like their purchases are meaningful political engagement?

I’m going to tell you about how a discord banner that was put up for pride month in the Lancer ttrpg official discord was so successful at getting bigots to out themselves, that it’s been the permanent official discord banner for 4 years now.

This is the updated version. It’s animated now.

But pride month 4 or 5 years ago, somebody made the server banner a Goblin mech dabbing in front of a trans flag.

And for your average person who joined the server, they just kinda went, lol cool.

For the trans people who joined the server, it made them feel extra safe.

And for the bigots who joined the server? They’d fucking bitch about it IMMEDIATELY. And promptly get banned.

And that month saw so many bannings of dipshits that they decided to keep that banner, because every single time a bigot joins the server, there is a high chance that they will out themselves IMMEDIATELY and be promptly banned.

While including text like this in a book is different than a community space, the reality is, fascists do not like being embarrassed or confronted about their beliefs; they have fragile egos.

So imagine you are going through the book with a group of friends, and you get to this block about “fascism bad,” and somebody is like, “I don’t know how I feel about this. It seems a bit stupid,” it immediately gets to raise a red flag for everybody that maybe this person isn’t, as cool to have at the table as they thought.

Similarly, you know how many bigots went and burned their beers/hats/shoes because some corporation supported trans people/gay people/Collin Kapernick?

This is performative, yes. But it’s not performative to puff up themselves as heroes. It’s performative, aimed right at the fragile skinned assholes who will boycott Oreos and Budweiser for “supporting the gays.”

It’s one of the FASTEST ways to reduce the number of virulent bigots in a community for ZERO COST.

Like, maybe the experience of the lancer discord is atypical, and fascists are learning to have thicker skins and lie about their beliefs better.

It’s still PROFOUNDLY CHEAP AND EASY to include this blurb.

So, it’s free, zero effort nazi repellent.

Frankly with that in mind, I’d regard anybody who ISNT doing this, as maybe a tiny bit cowardly.

It may be atypical but it's certainly not unique. Another example is the Heraldry discord I'm on, with an icon that is animated to switch its original colours and two other versions, displaying gay pride and transgender pride colours.

Bigots join, bigots mouth off, bigots get banned.

Sometimes we get a different flavour of bigot, ones who tolerate us queers but are racist as hell. They tend to out themselves, too, because it's a heraldry server. That fact alone makes them assume that we're all "European culture is best" and other racist bullshit. They get banned.

And that is TACTICALLY USEFUL.

Because game companies spend so much money moderating chat spaces (both forums and in-game chats) and they lose so much business when dominant third party online spaces associated with their game turn toxic. Hell moderation is the big money sink for social media. Managing that cost is one of the most difficult aspects of the business.

Now imagine telling a game or social media executive that you can eliminate half of their harassment in a single honeypot operation. Imagine telling them that you have a technique which surgically targets a majority of their most toxic members and immediately gets rid of them. Because that's what this is.

You slap up a big pride or power banner and an announcement that this company stands with [insert group here], or stands against fascism, and you take names on everybody who has angry or quibbling shit to say about that. And then you ban them all. And just like that the moderation load you're dealing with gets so much lighter. Keep it up with a similar announcement whenever a topical opportunity presents itself and you clean out any new trash which walks in too.

And it just so happens that the way to do this is to clear out the bigots and make a safe space for oppressed groups.

There are so many of these companies which are worried that by taking a stand like this they will hurt their user base. There are so many forums online with volunteer moderators who reflexively don't want to wait into politics because they think that will increase their workload. Give them good solid practical examples of this reducing their workload instead, and you will get some of them onboard.

"Actually Holmes, this looks like salt. Quite unusual for a magic circle, since it can be scattered so easily..."

"It tastes like salt too. Good eye Watson. Let us start by visiting the fish mongers."

"But then they'd have to pay the tarrif!"

"An excellent question, the key was the footprints."

"But he doesn't even have feet!"

"He doesn't as of right now. But you forget, the magic circle."

"I see! The killing spell was a water spear, which normally requires a circle."

"But doesn't if you're already imbued with water magic like our scaly ambassador."

"So the circle..."

"To grant him a pair of feet. For just long enough to leave distinctive footprints in the scattered salt and to make us suspect a two-legged killer."

He does in There Is No Game: Wrong Dimension

happy valentines from MASH 4077!! feel free to fill them out and spread the love 💌 💞 💌

💘 part two! 💘

actually there is, she has one line at the end when she says “how do you know?”

ok I just skimmed though the movie again, and here she is in the beginning, she just doesn’t say anything, and you wouldn’t guess she was a girl because they didn’t do that weird humanizing, tits and longer eyelashes thing that most movies with animals do.

>Remmy is smaller

dad: sure son

remmy: also im tired of eating literal rotted garbage

Remmy: actually dad I’m a boy

Dad: thank you for telling me I support you

dragons

we watched in real time as the far right took the existing "sex offenders are evil" line, declared that queer (more specifically trans) people were actually pedophiles who want to rape young children, and that therefore queer people are evil and deserve to be genocided.

it was blatant, it was horrifying, and I watched as even ostensible leftists fell for it hook, line, and fucking sinker.

No I dont care how awfull they are, once u leave stoop down to that level there is no coming back.

we watched in real time as the far right took the existing "sex offenders are evil" line, declared that queer (more specifically trans) people were actually pedophiles who want to rape young children, and that therefore queer people are evil and deserve to be genocided.

it was blatant, it was horrifying, and I watched as even ostensible leftists fell for it hook, line, and fucking sinker.