Don't prod the beach rubble.

“We should nuke them” “No, no, I’m telling you: carpet bombs would save money”

Calico out there putting tuxedo on the mats

My greatest condolences go out to Lindsey Graham’s secret sugar baby. He should have retired to a golf course and spent all his money on you, but now you’re probably cut out of the will cause he was a huge closet case. 😔

I can't believe he's dead. It feels like just yesterday Lindsay Graham and I were just young boys playing down by the creek. "CT buddy, one day I'm gonna start a war with Iran" he would tell me, "and then by god I'm gonna immediately lose and die." Well look where we are now old friend. Look where we are now.

let's reintroduce "rude" to the lexicon no that person is not evil or morally bankrupt or even your enemy they're just being rude

and, look, I’m not complaining, not at all, but this is why it’s very important to be abundantly clear and specific with your Etsy witch.

can’t believe they murdered lindsey graham to get the heat off of totally still alive mitch mcconnell.

Soccer players are the horses of men’s sports. They run around in fields for hours on end. They stub their toe and they die. They fall and they die. They run into each other and

you should get a second evening for reading fan fiction. And you should get an extra day in the week to do arts and crafts.

many women are excited to get old and weird, but i have great news that it's fully possible to become weird now, before you get old. just imagine the heights of weirdness you will be able to reach in fifty years if you get started now. that's what I think