Insert Witty Title Here

its awesome theres a vampire on sesame street because you need to introduce children to the concept as early as possible

is the world really such a terrible place? yesterday i asked if oat milk was extra and the barista said yes so i said ok just regular milk then and when she gave me my chai latte she whispered “i used oat milk ;)” doesnt that make u want to live another day?

here is my life philosophy: next week there might be someone ahead of you in line at the store who’s short a quarter and you have a quarter and you can give it to them. if you weren’t there, they’d have to put something back. the week after that you could be getting lunch and the waiter might ask if you want some pancakes someone else ordered and never picked up. you could find someone’s lost cat. you could watch someone’s bag while they go to the restroom. there are so many ways you are going to touch other people’s lives and they are going to touch yours and there’s no way to know when it’s going to happen. so you have to keep living!!! i wouldn’t want to die knowing that tomorrow the barista will give me free oat milk just to be nice. 

Casting a spell on you that makes you happy, by the way. Your day tomorrow will be pretty good. Something nice will happen, maybe.

ginger snapped so jennifer could body

Feeling sixk.. cougf cockf… im so shick

I nemeed meddysine

pleabse. doctor 🧑‍⚕️??

Thank Christ…… fucking vital mins

Hourhhfbf

i love when people are like “Oh my god, I couldn’t possibly imagine being asexual, how sad, you’re missing so much…” Bitch!!! You know what’s sad? Being gluten intolerant. If you placed two pills in front of me right now, one which would turn me allosexual and one which would enable me to tear into a freshly-baked oven-warm olive-and-rosemary ciabatta without utterly destroying my body, it would not even be a choice. “hyuhhh-duhhhh aren’t you worried you’ll die alone” aren’t you worried i’ll just launch myself over the bakery counter in our local grocery store one day and stuff croissants in my mouth like a starving racoon til i die and the whole place has to be closed down as a health risk while they peel my bloated body off the linoleum floor? You should be

What i have learned from the tags of this post is that there is a whole community of gluten intolerant asexuals and we are all DESPERATELY horny for bread

reblog if the first musical you listened to was not Hamilton

please be nice to me, i'm in my twenties. do you know what that does to a person

The fresh prince of Blaire witch project

Be with someone that loves you loudly , publicly , privately and behind your back