trying on a metaphor
RMH
d e v o n
Show & Tell

⣠Chile in a Photography âŁ

Product Placement
đ

pixel skylines

romaâ
let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
Xuebing Du
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
will byers stan first human second
Stranger Things
Noah Kahan

#extradirty

Sade Olutola

PR's Tumblrdome
cherry valley forever

seen from United States

seen from TĂźrkiye
seen from United Kingdom

seen from Australia
seen from United Kingdom

seen from Malaysia

seen from Chile
seen from United Kingdom

seen from Chile
seen from United States

seen from China

seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from United States
@how-do-you-even-do-stuff

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Local house witch telling you to please learn basic housekeeping skills.
Itâs not your fault if no one ever taught you but YouTube is a magical place and can teach you at your own pace.
Someone asked me what housekeeping skills Iâd recommend learning.
Keep in ming that this is not me shaming you, I know you have your reasons, folks. This is just a guy who enjoys clean spaces asking that you start learning now.
Hereâs what I suggest as an adult who has lived with other adults who didnât have housekeeping skills:
First and foremost, learn about all the places in your house that need to be cleaned and understand how often they should be cleaned. the American Cleaning Institute (I guess thatâs a thing) has a good article about basic cleaning info. Plus this video on cleaning tips is great!
Learn how to do your dishes. HOT water is the only way to clean your dishes.
Learn how to clean your shower head, especially if you live in a place with hard water. Same goes for your sinks.
Learn how to do your laundry correctly. Even without the whole âseparating whites and colorsâ thing, there are things you need to learn about washing your clothes. Learn what the tags mean, too.
Also, you donât have to use fabric softener and you shouldnât use it on towels or any fabric meant to absorb. (Learn about laundromats) And please learn how to clean out your dryer vent, itâs a safety hazard!
Get a disinfecting cleaner for your high-touch areas, especially the gross ones like the bathroom. Just because it doesnât look dirty, doesnât mean itâs clean!
Learn how to sweep, mop, and vacuum effectively.
Youâll also want to make sure to change out your homeâs air filters.
TL;DR, here are some cleaning videos.
How to Clean Everything in Your Bathroom
How to Clean Everything in Your Kitchen
Livingroom Cleaning Routine
How to Clean Everything in Your Bedroom
Now these resources are not the end-all-be-all, but I think if you donât know much about cleaning your space this is a good way to start.
hereâs some of the things that are helping me actually clean (as an adult who had messy parents, and has a hard time getting threw my nurodivergency about cleaning specifically) that may be helpful to you:
Favorite Cleaning Book: it helps you work through the emotional side of cleaning (and other care tasks)
Current Favorite Decluttering Method/Concept: it helps you know how much is too much to keep and how to get started when youâre overwhelmed. (having too much stuff makes it incredibly hard to clean/organize.)
Basic Cleaning Skills: this channel is amazing! this man has a special interest in cleaning and cleans peopleâs spaces who deal nurodivergence that make it hard to clean. he does this for free (or at a deficit because he pays for supplies and dumpsters and transport and such) and does it all with empathy and kindness working With the people as much as people can handle instead of just coming in to âfixâ an issue. these videos are a bit different from his usual ones, (the last oneâs most like his usual videos) but i find having the sped up cleaning videos with a voiceover can help fill in for body doubling when im too ashamed to bring people into my messy spaces.
Iâm gonna queue this as well so youâll be seeing it again from me in a few months without any comments on it, but this is all good things to know
â¨ď¸ feeling your feelings â¨ď¸
Who else hates it?
Tiktok post by @ wynunlimited.
âheres how to make a pair of pants for yourselfâ
step 1: have a entire room completely set up just for tailoring
it needs an iron, masking tape, a pencil, and see-through paper. you don't need the pins if you're careful about keeping it lined up. you could do that on your floor and hand-sew it after that if you wanted to. the most specialised piece of equipment they used in the video, apart from the sewing machine, was a clear ruler.
Yeah that's a silly complaint, tons of people cut fabric on their kitchen tables or on the floor. I've been sewing since 2011 and didn't have an actual sewing room until the start of 2024. It was frustratingly cramped sewing in my bedroom, but I still sewed lots of things in there.
Most of my fabric is secondhand, and I've gotten a lot of sewing supplies from thrift stores and estate sales. I know not everyone lives somewhere that has those things, but there are still budget options to look into. There are a lot of things that are nice to have but not strictly necessary.
Frieda Leopold did an experiment earlier this year where she bought the minimum sewing supplies necessary for a dress, and kept to a budget of 150 euros for all the tools including the sewing machine.
And this Morning Mercury video about trying to learn weaving without spending any money also feels relevant.
Iâm kinda surprised that nalbinding isnât as popular as crochet and knitting tbh because it has an even lower barrier of entry tools wise and unlike crochet and knitting it makes fabric that you can cut.
I guess itâs because itâs slower or something.
Nalbinding aka needle binding is when you use yarn and a big sewing needle to make fabric btw
It also has a lot of different kinds of stitches you can do that make different densities of fabric.
Some people even make rugs.
I feel like part of it might be casual people are generally aware of the existence of crochet and knitting, even if they donât know very much about either, but have never heard of nalbinding
Yeah I hadnât heard of it until recently and I ordered a big bone needle for myself to try it out and that should be arriving soon.
I was surprised that Iâd never heard of it though. Itâs older than knitting and crocheting and even though itâs been done all over the world itâs super relevant to Nordic culture and my grandmother and I are both into keeping in touch with our roots a bit so Iâm surprised Iâve never heard of it.
It seems like the sort of thing that would be popular even if not as popular as crocheting and knitting, considering the low barrier of entry.
You also donât need a bunch of different sized needles for nalbinding or whatever. The size of the stitch is controlled either completely freehand or by pulling it against one of your fingers. Most people who have a lot of nalbinding needles seem to either have tried out wood, bone, and metal ones to see which kind they liked or they enjoy carving wood or bone and like making their own needles as an extra hobby.
Itâs also a lot easier to freehand and adjust as you go than crochet or knitting and you mostly go by inches instead of rows and number of stitches so a large number of accessories like stitch markers or whatever isnât really necessary.
Maybe the lack of accessories also makes it unpopular idk. People do like collecting things in their nests.
I've been wanting to do so, I cannot find anyone who can teach me, and any books I can find on it are Ass in the Visual Learning department. Otherwise I'd be making the hell outta some nalbinded fabric
I found this channel by a nice man who makes up close tutorials
I create videos on YouTube to learn people how to needlebind using two fingers and your thumb. Needlebinding helps people to relax, relieve
I thought this would be kind of a niche post to make but I was quickly reminded that Iâm on tumblr, the website full of gay people with one billion hobbies.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
ok so this is another long shot but a few years ago there was a twitter post (in japanese i think?) that had measurememts for how to make this book stand thing out of cardboard that you could use to double up books and use up more space on shelves
back then i made a bunch of these but by now i lost the pic and dont know how to find the original post anymore
if it comes down to it i can just take one apart and get the measurements from there but i would be very grateful if anyone happens to have the original post or something similar??
don't mind how long it's been since i made this post, anyway i realized that i don't even need to take one apart to get the measurements when i can literally just unfold it and refold it /FACEPALM
so anyway here is the diagram for anyone else who is interested!!
this requires pretty big carboard pieces, if you have a really big box or something you can make it from one piece, but if you don't, you can also just make each of the pieces individually and then tape them together
and then in the end you put it together like this!!
and then when you make a bunch you can put them all next to each other and stack your books like crazy
EVERYONE START GETTING MORE USE OUT OF YOUR SPACE NOW!!!!
If you have any guests at all inside your home, even for a short duration of time, always offer them a beverage such as water, tea, or coffee. If they're going to be inside your home for more than a few minutes, always offer for them to sit down. And, if they're going to be inside your home for more than an hour or two, offer them snacks or a bite to eat.
Basic rules of hospitality are that you should always offer a drink, such as water, tea, or coffee to guests in your home even if they won't be there for long. It's one of the quickest, easiest, and simplest ways to make someone feel welcome and at ease.
It can also be important to offer for someone to sit, especially if this is one of the first times this person is visiting your home. Many people can feel awkward or uncertain about sitting down and making themselves at ease in someone else's home, especially if they haven't been there many times before. Being offered to sit down by the host may be the only way for them to feel at ease enough to sit down and make themselves comfortable.
Of course some exceptions apply, such as if this is an unwanted guest who is making you uncomfortable. But otherwise, if this is someone whose company you enjoy in your home, or even if you just feel neutral about, your duty as host is to make them comfortable and at ease, such as by offering them a beverage and a seat.
Being a good host is how we can establish stronger ties to other people, and how you can create more of a sense of community with the people around you who visit your home.
Do you have any advice for when a worker enters your home? For example, a plumber or repair person.
I never know if I shoould offer drinks/snacks or if it's better to stay out of their way and let them do their job.
It's definitely polite to offer workers like plumbers and electricians beverages and snacks. You're definitely not getting in their way at all by offering them water or a snack. I've heard too many horror stories from plumbers that people will yell at them or scold them for wanting a glass of water or just refilling their own water bottle at someone's house. If they're going around from house to house all day how else are they supposed to stay hydrated? You're definitely doing the polite thing by making it clear to them that they're allowed to have water at your house.
Also with any sort of outdoor workers too, like roofers or landscapers, definitely at least ask if they want some water.
also offer them the bathroom
a non-weird way to offer them the bathroom is to tell them where it is.
When it was particularly hot, my mom would put chilled water bottles in a box on top of the trash cans with a big shiny sign on them saying "NOT TRASH -- WATER BOTTLES FOR SANITATION WORKERS". This doesn't work as well for people living in apartments, of course.
If someone is doing work inside my house, I put a clean cup for each person on the counter (itâs the only cup(s) out, so they donât have to guess which is for them) and tell them itâs theirs to use and theyâre welcome to ice and water from the dispenser on the fridge. Then I tell them the bathroom is next to the kitchen.
I didnât used to do this because I assumed they would just use the bathroom if they needed, but then I learned that some people think workers should go elsewhere for the bathroom?? And once I started saying it, Iâve had people say things like, âIf youâre sure- we can go down the streetâ But of course Iâm sure! As long as theyâre only doing bathroom stuff in there, why in earth shouldnât they use the bathroom at my place?
The water hadnât occurred to me before I read the suggestion somewhere, but itâs top notch.
We had a problem with this when we had electricians working at our house for a few weeks one time. I showed them all the bathrooms in the house and assumed we were okay... until 2 days later I saw one of them leaving the port-a-potty at the construction site next door. It turns out even though I'd shown them the bathroom, they weren't sure if I was actually okay with them using it because apparently some people are REAL unkind about stuff like that. I had to flat-out say "Please use the bathroom in the house, it's literally why we have them" and even then it was into the second week before one guy stopped popping his head into wherever I was working to ask if I was sure.
The bit I struggled with for a long time was not trying to over-host work crews. I didn't know how to balance making them feel comfortable and hovering. I had the most luck offering them a water after introductions, giving them a house tour on our way to whatever needs fixing and then clearly identifying where I plan to sit while we're touring. Now I end by saying "Please feel free to use the bathroom and if you change your mind on the water or need a snack or anything, come find me, I don't mind." Then I go sit on my hands until they need me - that way they can do their job without trying to entertain me. The trick with the cups on the counter is a brilliant one, I'll have to bank that one!
Once you start noticing how the incapacity to handle discomfort affects how people live their lives it's actually pretty shocking how it ruins pretty much every conceivable aspect of existence. Interpersonal relationships, romantic and platonic. Career and education opportunities. Your politics Your willingness to go anywhere. The kind of food you eat. The kind of art you expose yourself to and your ability to read it. It's never just one thing, it touches everything, and once you notice it it's like suddenly being able to see germs or something. Just this horrific catastrophe people look at you askance for screaming about. As I grow older and see what became of my friends and peers who could not learn to handle discomfort, the more I'm like. This is a genuine societal issue
When you can't handle discomfort, eventually discomfort itself starts to feel like you're under attack. Your body enters flight or fight mode, and your amygdala starts screaming at you that you are In Danger even when the "danger" in question is like, making an unpleasant phone call or like, you're reading a book about something gross.
Your ability to make frank assessments about your situation becomes compromised, because, well, when you're under attack who's going to stay still and go "Let me think this through?" Of course you're going to panic. The phone call isn't just unpleasant, it's potentially life-ruining. Someone is going to think you're dumb and that's going to be TRUE and then I guess you die or something except dying would be better. The book isn't just gross, it's actively coming for you, tainting your mind with the memory of its contents, it has RUINED you.
Obviously, you want to try avoiding danger whenever possible. So you create a world in which you avoid all dangerous things. Traveling? Well that's scary, what if you get robbed or lost? Better to avoid it (plus there are so many things to read, rules to remember, forms to fill out... it's just too much, it makes you uncomfortable, which means YOU'RE IN DANGER, what if you FORGET SOMETHING CRITICAL? Better to avoid). A new job? Well what if it's worse than your current one? You at least know the rules here. The unknown is so much more uncomfortable, which is DANGEROUS, so better to stay where you are. A dark-skinned foreigner? Do they even speak English? You don't know how you'd communicate. They don't know the laws here, surely? Plus what if other people think you're racist? It's so uncomfortable which means THEY ARE A DANGER. Best to avoid at all costs, keeping your bag clutched tightly to your chest. Vaccines? You don't really know what's in them. The explanations have a lot of words you don't understand. That makes you feel suspicious and dumb, which is DANGEROUS. You said something that was kind of rude? UNCOMFORTABLE. THIS PERSON IS ATTACKING YOU. FIGHT OR FLIGHT. Someone says you were incorrect about something? DANGER. Someone says you reacted impulsively and seem to have misconstrued someone's words as a personal attack? YET ANOTHER ATTACK.
Eventually you lose yourself and become this. I don't even know. This totally reactive thing, unable to think analytically about anything (which is uncomfortable and a danger), unable to assess harms, unable to encounter anything new without having a meltdown. And none of it is a real escape because, well, you've created a life defined entirely by aversion to discomfort, which is the most uncomfortable life you can possibly imagine. Of course such people end up falling into fascist ideas about Why Your Life Sucks. When you build a life around trying to maintain as comfortable an equilibrium as possible, you cauterize the parts of you capable of growth, expansion, creativity, learning; at the same time, the knowledge of your own stuntedness is haunting so best not to think about that either. The world becomes this horrifying mirror maze where the only way to survive without offing yourself is by projecting your flaws onto others, bitterly externalizing your self-hatred (who could live like this and NOT hate themselves) just to avoid turning it inward. You end up living like a hollowed-out sea urchin
A lot of people I've met seem to think that mental healthiness is characterized by a lack of discomfort whatsoever, and are therefore justified in building a life where all discomforts can be avoided. On the one hand, I completely understand the impulse. Lord knows I have had colossally shitty times and wished I could just retreat into bed and fall asleep for as long as needed for everything to blow over. But like. You also have to understand that that's a fantasy, not a solution. When you have grown up living a crap life with nothing but discomfort, the ability to avoid it feels like exercising autonomy. But you really do have to be careful about making this your life ethos. I know so many people who have lapsed into total learned helplessness, so consumed by discomfort (mentally catastrophized into dangers) re: looking dumb, looking rude, looking X, looking Y that they just. Idk. Don't do anything except be bitter. You don't have to be that way. The solution isn't "tough it out" because that's also just a manifestation of your inability to handle discomfort. I also hesitate to say the solution is to focus on how much better your life will be when you do X and Y, because the entire point of the inability to handle discomfort is that it constantly manifests in precluding the possibility of even wanting X and Y in the first place since to want it and not be able to do it IS in itself another source of discomfort.
Idk what the solution is, exactly. I just think it's important to understand that sometimes things can feel awful and still not necessarily harm you
btw, if you base whether or not you have been Wronged in a situation on how bad you feel? that's bad. hurting other people feels REALLY BAD. FREQUENTLY. you feeling REALLY BAD does not = other people have mistreated you terribly.
experiencing consequences for legitimately bad behavior often feels absolutely terrible. even worse than being punished for something you didn't do, in my experience! if you allow your emotions to dictate whether you think you have been mistreated, you're going to treat the people YOU mistreat like they have harmed you unforgivably.
this is the logic that leads to DARVO. it is imperative to recognize the paths that lead to this behavior. your feelings are real and hard and they're also not telling the truth about every situation. they don't dictate reality.
The AMOUNT of therapy I have been to that never had a satisfying explanation for the behavioral consistency of DARVO across multiple culturally distinct individuals-
it's an empathetic injury, that's why it's *so* fast, so severe, and the "reasoning" can change so much even when the same story is told again; it's not pre-planned, there's no mastermind string-pulling or whatever, it's "Ah fuck, why do I feel so bad, it can't be my fault, so I need to explain why it is your fault".
I wish I could tell past me this. It would have shattered a lot of the illusions of control built into my environment if I had been able to see how many of the lies were just made up on the literal spot and that the people telling them were not expecting their actions to have consequences.
Many thanks, I will be taking this information with me both in terms of "How to not hurt others like I was hurt" and in terms of continuing my knowledge project of "Everyone is a person with their own internal motivations and reasoning"
I really do think that the narrative about ppl who DARVO being intentionally evil mastermind manipulators has fucked with our ability to understand when we are hurting others. hurting people you care about feels bad. being TOLD you have hurt someone you care about feels bad, even if you intellectually knew it. people without skills to tolerate distress experience feeling bad as an Attack and an Emergency which triggers Defense Mode. people can be VERY manipulative and just be acting in blind panic -- they're unthinkingly doing what works! none of this makes it okay! at all! but it's a version of something that we all have an impulse towards, I think, just totally unexamined and Writ Large/taken to the furthest possible level. at its core abusive behavior is about not being able to tolerate or manage your own emotions and believing that people besides you are ultimately responsible for this, I think. it's emotional fragility and usually a lifetime of practicing a specific kind of lashing out in order to get some sort of relief from the Big Bad Feelings. like.
the biggest thing I've learned about people who get into abusive and manipulative behavior patterns is that something can be absolutely terrible and indefensible and also, at its core, DEEPLY pathetic.
we don't want to see people who do that kind of harm as pathetic because there's this feeling that that somehow excuses their behavior. it doesn't. a lot of the time its behavior that they saw Work for people with power over them when they were children, and now they think it's the only behavior that Works when interacting with people over whom they have power. because it connects back to early developmental learning re: interpersonal interactions, this also often explains why people approach these situations like they're the victim -- it's a child headspace, it's a path that was originally trodden during childhood, and childhood is a state defined by a lack of autonomy. which I think also acts as a way to insulate people from the need to consider other people's experiences and feelings -- when you're a kid it's absolutely vital to defensively hyperrocus on your own experience because nobody else will do that for you. no one does that for children, generally. and so, many people learn that prioritizing their feelings = dismissing other people's. anyway I'm rambling now and none of this is like. I don't have citations for it, lol, but this is the best way I have found to conceptualize these dynamics in Learning terms. because I truly do think that so many things in life are about Learning, and how we are initially taught that the world works.
I also think that in general we overestimate how much we understand our own motivations for our behavior; generally people act first, based on emotions, and then come up with intellectual explanations for their decisions after the fact. I think that's important to keep in mind and it's something that's helped me understand people a LOT better.
"at its core abusive behavior is about not being able to tolerate or manage your own emotions and believing that people besides you are ultimately responsible for this" -> I think there is also a counterpart/corollary to this which is "not being able to tolerate or manage your own emotional responses to other people, and so trying to manage those people's actions and emotions into an arrangement that does not cause you distress" - rather than pushing responsibility onto others, it's denying them agency, because anything they try to do or say is subsumed into your meta-narrative of the situation.
Which is maybe distinction without difference, because it plays out the same, more or less. Just, rather than externalizing an emotional response that scolds people around you when they don't act the way you want, it's more... very nicely and kindly explaining to people what they actually think and feel, and why they acted in that way and what it means. Very heartfelt and earnest emotional processing conversations where what happened in what order and who felt what and why are rehashed into mush and reshaped.
In some cases, I think this can result from a failed attempt to mitigate the first type of response. Someone who is aware that they need to learn to analyze their own motivations and how their emotions shape their actions, and that they need to learn how to manage themself to avoid setting themself up to be hurt - but, whose sense-of-self boundary is bad enough that they also apply these tactics to everyone around them in a continuum with themself. Analyzing other people's actions as if your own emotional state was a universal baseline, a fundamental truth which they are at all times aware of. As if they were extensions of you. And trying to manage them into place in your emotional schema, like unruly twitchy limbs.
To have a usable model of someone else's emotional state, you MUST acknowledge that you could be wrong about it. If your model of them operates on the assumption that you know what they really feel, you're modeling them as an extension of you.
For me, one of the worst parts of untangling this was relearning that it IS normal for someone's understanding of a situation to change over time - as their emotional state changes, their intepretation of what happened will also shift. As long as someone is not expecting you to instantly and seamlessly comply with their reinterpretation, this is actually... fine. I had learned such a fear response to someone's interpretation shifting that I felt a need to create a stable understanding of What Actually Happened And Why, and to have that be untouchable. Unfortunately... that's exactly how this behavior propagates forward. My stable understanding wasn't actually intrinsically more stable than anyone else's, and now I was the one trying to force people to comply with the conceit that it was - that is, to edit their understanding seamlessly to match changes in mine that I was willfully unaware of.
To have an understanding of the world that feels steady and reliable, you have to be able to accommodate a bit of a shift back and forth, in your perspective and that of others. It's scary trying to build this when you're used to people completely upending the world on you. But it is possible to build trust that people will shift back and forth but maintain a steady enough overall position that you can work with it. And with an understanding like this, you're able to recognize when someone's perspective is swinging hard due to a strong emotion, and to integrate that with your existing understanding of them, rather than having it totally destroy what you think you know. And, you're able to shift your understanding of them if you find out it's wrong, without feeling like that destabilizes your entire relationship with them, because you didn't build the relationship on the hard assumption of them being exactly a specific type of way.
god yes this is all such an important addition, thank you.
I don't need the chatgpt random algorithm to write emails for me because I already have a custom and 100% flawless algorithm called "writing the exact same three emails with the names changed"
#1: "hi [landlord], hope you're doing well! [apartment thing] is [broken/a problem]. we need it [fixed/replaced/handled] by [date]. let us know when you'll send someone over so we can be here to let them in. thanks so much, [op]"
#2: "hi [professor], hope you're doing well! unfortunately, I'm [sick/stuck at work/dead] and won't be able to submit [assignment] by [due date]. could I please have an extension? if not, is there anything else I could do to make up this credit? thanks so much, [op]"
#3: "hi [customer service person], hope you're doing well! unfortunately, [product] [didn't arrive/is broken/wrong color/gave me a rash/poisoned my crops] and I'd like to receive a [refund/replacement]. here is the documentation of the order and photos of [broken thing/wrong thing/my rash/dead crops]. thanks so much, [op]"
"but op I work in an office I have to write way more emails than you" well that's your fault for working in an office i got nothing to do with that
Writing an email is so easy and I will tell you how it's done. This is the advice is for everyone with an email job, but you can apply it to normal human interaction.
The FIRST SENTENCE is the thing you want the recipient to do. Do not make them guess.
I want to let you know about ... (This email is to inform someone of something not to ask them to do anything)
Could you please do ... (This is a request. You want them to do something).
I'm looking into x and wondering if you can help me (this is also a request but for information instead of an action).
People do not want to read an email and even if they do read it, most people are skimming and not interested. Tell them what you want first, then provide context or other information (when you need a thing is often key). If the email is informational, you can even add "you don't need to do anything, this is just to keep you informed!" People will appreciate not having to figure out what you want from them.
If you can't articulate what you want the recipient to do with the message, you are not ready to email them. I read too many emails where I have no idea what the person wants from me.
Put the most important thing first and everyone will be impressed! AI cannot do this for you because it can't tell what's important! Only you know that, which is why you must write your own emails.
to everyone who wants help with emails: go through the notes of this post. there are ideas I've never thought of and plenty of scripts for all kinds of situations/jobs

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Miku Miku protip: you may have heard of the adhd hack of putting things like chapstick in a pocket of each of your jackets/bags/whatever so you dont need to remember to grab a chapstick every time.
Which is a good tip, but you can take it even further!
Put a pair of winter gloves + a winter hat in all of your heavy coats (those usually come with plenty of pockets) and you will always have them incase it is colder than you expect.
keep multiple umbrellas in frequently used bags, and your car if you have one (you never have the ONE umbrella you own when it does end up raining, better to have 2-3 on hand)
If you work long hours where you can't just LEAVE, you want to have everything you might need in a purse and/or backpack. So I'm talking things like ibuprofen, peptobismol, headphones, charging cords, multitools, pens/pencils, makeup, chapstick(!), eyedrops, etc etc etc. Put everything you might POSSIBLY need to get through a shift, and just, bring that same bag to work everyday. Make that your designated work bag, it'll save your life istg
My motto is "I'd rather have it and not need it!" because it acts like a ward. When you have prepared for a certain event/condition/incident, the universe will be disinclined to throw it at you. Although obviously sometimes the universe WILL say fuck it, and throw bloating&painful cramps at you in the middle of your shift, but you'll have the pepto-bismol to deal with it!
The same applies to the hat&gloves and the umbrellas, by preparing materially and mentally for something, you cast a ward around your immediate sphere of universal influence. Sometimes the universe breaks through anyway though, so watch out!
There is literally nothing more powerful on this planet than taking a 15 minute walk twice every day.
If you have ADHD like me, walk 15 minutes twice a day like your life depends on it.
should we not be on our phones during 15 minute walk, boss?
That phone is better off dead than in your hands.
Take a musician's advice: without.
But... but it's cold...
Jacket
The purpose of The Walk is to factory-reset your brain from the effects of overstimulation. The fewer things hindering your ability to think is best. Music is an external influence on your brain. As great as it is, it still hinders self-motivated thought and blocks you from attuning to the outdoors as easily. Everyone's different, but that's me.
If you're disabled and can't walk/can't walk that long I've found watching one of those birds for cats videos for a bit without any music or other divices/distractions helps in the same way. I benefit a lot from out in nature time but my legs don't always cooperate and most parks aren't very wheelchair accessible, but I've found watching the birds like this is just about as good for your mental health as going on a walk. Really helps the anxiety and other bad mental gunk.
Basic Celestial Navigation is Hilariously Easy
I recently learned how to find North using the sky, and it turns out to be so easy that I feel stupid for not learning much earlier. Perhaps you would like to learn too! It could save your life in some unlikely scenario, I guess, but actually in everyday situations it's just pretty handy to be able to look at the sky for a couple of seconds and tell which direction you're facing.
Iâm not any kind of expert at this, I just learned how to do it recently. I donât know the proper names for things, and lots of the things I say are going to be technically not quite correct. But Iâm not trying to teach astronomy, I just want to quickly find which way Iâm facing, and these simplifications work very well for that.
Also, this whole thing will assume you're at a moderate northern latitude, which you very likely are if youâre in Europe or the USA.
How to start
Say youâve got a clear night with a half moon in the sky.
Getting a rough direction with the Moon is extremely easy - all you need to know is that the terminator (the line between light and dark) points south. So you just take that terminator line and mentally extend it down to where it hits the horizon, and that's approximately South.
Thatâs close enough for the girls I go out with.
If itâs not a perfect half moon, so the terminator line isn't straight, you just kind of take the direction that the curved line is facing, overall. You basically want the tangent at the middle of the terminator. Or if you prefer, you can draw the line connecting the top and the bottom of the terminator, which ends up being the same angle. These images show both options:
With a crescent moon this is even easier, you can just take the line between the âtips of the hornsâ of the crescent.
Extend that line down to the horizon, and thatâs approximately South.
Now, if the moon is very low in the sky, so the terminator is at a steep angle, then this method will be extra inaccurate. But that's ok, because if the moon is that low, you don't really need to trace the terminator line to find south, because you know that the Moon just rose or is about to set, so the moon itself is basically East or basically West, and you can tell which by looking at the terminator.
If that doesnât feel obvious, thatâs perhaps to be expected, and I should tell you about The Ecliptic.
Basically all the big stuff in the solar system is always on more or less the same plane. So the Sun, the Moon, and all the planets are always found close to a single line, which crosses the sky from East to West. If youâre near the equator it goes almost straight overhead, but at moderate northern latitudes, like you probably live at, itâs tilted over pretty far to the south. So the Sun and the Moon will rise more or less due East, be more or less due South at their highest point, and set more or less due West.
That means if the Moon is just above the horizon, like in this example, we can look at the angle of the terminator and see itâs tilted way over to the right, so we know South is to our left, and the Moon must be about to set in the West.
(In fact I got this from sky visualisation software, so itâs helpfully showing us where West is anyway)
Another way to think about this is: The Moon moves through the sky in a direction roughly perpendicular to the terminator. So we can take our terminator line and draw a line at right angles to that, and thatâs roughly the path the Moon is travelling along:
We can follow that line to the horizon and see where the Moon will set, i.e. basically due West. So the Moonâs terminator points South, and kind of acts like the vertical line of a T shape, with the arms of the T pointing towards East and West.
Hopefully you can convince yourself that all this makes sense by thinking about shining lights on basketballs and so on, but you can also just use the method without being able to visualise clearly why it works.
All of this is approximate and simplified - the Moonâs orbit is actually 5 degrees off the Ecliptic, and the Ecliptic is 23 degrees off the Celestial Equator, and so on. None of it really lines up and youâll often be off by like 40 degrees, but I donât care. This method is extremely quick and it's usually good enough, especially in cities laid out on a grid, where you only need to get it to within 90 degrees.
And if you want more accuracy, this is still a good thing to start with, because if you can quickly find roughly-South, that makes it much quicker and easier to look roughly-North and locate the stars necessary to pin down exactly-North.
What about the daytime?
Since the Sun follows basically the same path as the Moon, you can also get rough orientation from its location. If itâs low in the sky, it just rose or is just about to set, so you know itâs East or West. You canât tell which by looking at the Sun itself, since it doesnât have a neat terminator line like the Moon (and you shouldnât really look at it anyway), but the neat thing about the Sun is that, unlike the Moon, it always rises in the morning (East) and sets in the evening (West). If itâs the middle of the day itâll be to the South.
But also, donât forget about the Moon during daytime! Itâs often out during the day. And in fact, itâs often not out at night! Or sometimes itâs out, but itâs Full or New and you donât have a terminator line to use. You canât rely on just the Moon, even for coarse orientation. So letâs talk about stars.
Bold Orion, Mighty Hunter
Orion is a lovely constellation thatâs very distinctive and easy to spot, and you can use it to find roughly-South very quickly, just like you can with the Moon.
Heâs meant to be a hunter, with a belt of three stars, and a sword hanging from it. You had to make your own fun, back in those days.
Itâs a sword, ok? He has a sword on his belt.
The point is, the sword points South just like the Moonâs terminator line does. So if you canât see the Moon, maybe you can use Orionâs sword.
Now we have two ways to quickly find roughly-South, and therefore roughly-North. Letâs get more accurate.
The North Star
The sky provides us with an improbably convenient star called Polaris, which we call The North Star, because itâs almost perfectly over the North Pole.
This location is unique, in that it makes Polaris essentially the single static point that the whole rest of the sky rotates around. For a given latitude on Earth, Polaris is always exactly the same height above the horizon, in exactly the same direction, and that direction is North, to within less than a degree.
Itâs also really bright for its region of the sky - thereâs no brighter star within like 30 degrees of it.
Polaris is so extremely convenient that I consider it to be (very weak) evidence of a loving god. Finding the exact strength of that evidence, in bits, is left as an exercise for the reader.
So Polaris is an A+ gold star, now all we need is a way to find it.
First off, because itâs always at exactly the same height above the horizon, once youâve found it a few times it gets easier, because you know where it is vertically. If youâve also used the Moon or Orion to narrow your search down to like a quarter of the sky horizontally, you can often spot Polaris very quickly.
But it helps a lot to be able to find it using constellations.
Ursa Major
This is the one everyone knows, the Big Bear. People also call it The Big Dipper, The Drinking Gourd, Big Spoon Energy, or The Plough.
Hereâs an image from WaddenSky:
To find Polaris, you find the Big Dipper, take the line between the two stars on the end, and extend that line up by about 5 times its length, and thereâs Polaris. Easy enough.
The main thing that can make this tricky is, as I said, Polaris is the fixed spot that the whole night sky rotates around, so the Big Dipper could be dipping bigly all over the place. It could be like itâs shown there, it could be almost directly overhead and upside down, it could even be partly below the horizon, and invisible behind the trees:
So, you donât want to put all your eggs in the Big Frying Pan.
Cassiopeia
Cassiopeia is basically just as good as The Big Dipper when it comes to finding Polaris. She looks like a big M, or a big 3, or W, or E (ÎŁ, really), depending on what orientation she feels like right now. And the nice thing about her is, sheâs on pretty much the opposite side from The Big Dipper, so if you canât see one, you can see the other. Learn how to spot both, and youâre set.
To find Polaris from Cassiopeia, you basically draw a line between the two ends of the zigzag, and make a right triangle twice as long, from the bottom of the 3 (or the right side of the M, and so on).
Thatâs really all there is to it: find roughly-South using the Moon or Orion, use that to look roughly-North until you either see Polaris itself, or find it using Ursa Major or Cassiopeia, and now youâve got North to within one degree. Usually takes something like 5 seconds.
And there you have it! Now you can find your bearings quickly and easily using just the sky, no matter what!
Unless itâs cloudy. If it's cloudy youâre fucked.
Rejection sensitivity dysphoria is the weirdest ADHD symptom ever. Like hello yes my weird brain chemistry manifests as Whiny Crybaby Disorder
btw this is not a universally agreed upon "symptom" of ADHD and I think many people would benefit from treating it as part & parcel of ADHD's broad, foundational trait: inability to do emotional regulation. A feeling of total rejection and terror at failure is a treatable and manageable issue. For me, I found it easier to manage once I recognized that the reason I was having these reactions is that like many other emotional states, I couldn't "exit" an emotional state related to feelings of rejection once I was in it.
imo way too many people are going through life thinking they're just going to be sensitive to rejection for life because of how some people (not OP, but definitely plenty of ADHD influencers) talk about this "symptom." I don't think it's terribly productive that it gets constantly cordoned off as its own thing. like a lot of ADHD, while it sucks to have it shape your life up to the point you realize what it is, it is indeed possible to exposure therapy & DBT your way out of it.
signed: someone with ADHD who used to not be able to take critical feedback from anyone ever and is now a freelancer and gets critical feedback three times before breakfast. still workin on it but it's very possible to go from "whiny crybaby disorder" to "mostly functional, if slightly sensitive ADHD adult"
Fuck yes, fellow traveler. DBT was the fucking magic spell that saved my whole life, and by magic spell I mean the hardest sixteen weeks of work I've ever done but I came out the other end with, no shit, the ability to actually calm myself and regulate my own fucking emotions. I'd gone thirty five years thinking that emotions were just things that happened to you and there was nothing you could do about them. Then all of a sudden some flowcharts, stupid acronyms, and a ton of practice later, I was actually able to find and use the levers in my body to exert some control back.
Wdym my emotions are important information but may not be giving me 100% reliable information? Wtfdym I need to consider whether or not I've had enough sleep and food before I let this feeling run away with me? Wtafdyfm sometimes the most effective response to a strong emotion is to do the opposite of what that emotion is driving me to do? Goddamn. Goddamn it's so good.
One of the more profound things Iâve heard recently came from a Mr. Rogers documentary. In a clip from his show, Mr. Rogers had just visited with a musician, and tells his audience that some people play music, and some people donât, and thatâs okay.
And then he said, âThe important thing is to find something you feel good about doing.â
That phrasing struck me. âSomething you feel good about doingâ. Most people would have phrased it as âsomething you enjoy doingâ. Or âsomething youâre good at doingâ. But Mr. Rogersâ subtly different phrasing leads to a profoundly different connotation. âSomething you feel good about doingâ may not be enjoyableâpeople who work in hospitals or in disaster zones might not enjoy much of their day, but they probably feel good about helping people. âSomething you feel good about doingâ may not be something youâre particularly good atâyou may be a terrible artist by any objective standard, but if you feel good about making your art, then itâs a worthwhile endeavor. Looking for âsomething you feel good about doingâ can help you find a truly satisfying life path.
That phrase is also helpful with daily decision-making. Too often, I can make choices based on âwhat feels good.â I put aside tasks that are too stressful or avoid activities that seem too difficult, in favor of mindlessly browsing the internet. And I enjoy myself. I feel good while Iâm doing that. But at the end of the day, I donât feel good about how I spent my time. However, reminding myself to do âsomething I feel good about doingâ can motivate me to accomplish those more difficult tasks. It can push me to do something outside of my comfort zone, to try something new that I might not be much good at. And maybe this is a blindingly obvious philosophy to everyone else. But Iâm grateful for the reminder.Â
No, itâs not blindingly obvious. It is a good reminder.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
Thoughtcrimes are not real and are explicitly an over the top method of control, you have to let yourself be free in your own head or you cannot be free at all. Gross thoughts, bad thoughts, and naughty thoughts are ok. It is always ok to think about things regardless of the subject matter.
Your far far far more likely to hurt someone by not thinking about things than by thinking about a way you could hurt them (even if part of you likes the thought), then at least you can act in an informed way
You ever have that "hungry but nauseous" feeling about activities? Like you really really want to do something and you've got plenty of fun hobbies and things you could pick from but all of the options turn your stomach so you're just laying there bored and angry about it.
Disregard that, the painkillers kicked in. Time to get up and go do some various fuckery to my clothes.
If showering, going outside, etc. happen to be The Activities you're struggling to start, or are otherwise just too big a step to use as a starting point, try: wiggling. Wherever you are, just wiggle whatever body parts are most cooperative. Fingers, toes, hands, legs, arms, etc. Introduce movement and create momentum without the commitment of actually Going Somewhere (which would inherently require doubling that energy expenditure to get back). Also a great gauge of whether the problem is lack of momentum or lack of energy! If wiggling is all I can manage, then energy was the limitation and I need rest to improve it. If wiggling feels good, momentum was the limitation and I've created some to start with!