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Girl whose most frequent mistake is inaction voice: wow I keep making mistakes I better not do anything

when i add ........... to the end of my sentence im leaving room for curiosity. i'm encouraging you to get comfortable with the unknown.......

everyone make sure you have some fucked up thoughts today ok

i love to have a hobby

my hobby is looking at two guys and saying Now whats all this then

the first season of a show is kinda like a dead wife

picturing a man alone in his silent, dark apartment bobbing for apples. it’s soaking his hair and the carpet

they're trying to get me to do something called ""my job"" instead of reading about medieval english poaching laws

90s comics are scary because you might turn the page and there is bill clinton

smacks your butt as you scroll by

You have to listen to the basic melody a while before you start to improvise.

dick is leaving voicemails like No that’s fine ignore my call it’s not like i had anything important to tell you or anything. it’s not like i’m dying. even though i could have been. i’m not bleeding to death in an alley way or anything. but i could have been. and you would have missed the call. and all you’d have to remember me by is this voicemail. hope the concert was worth it tim

and he’s doing this with 643 unopened messages and 329 missed calls up his ass.

Forgot to close a parenthesis and now spirits enter me like a waterslide