the amount of blood, sir? on the ice?

one of the best parts of making up increasingly wild and specific aus with a friend is sending them posts like "this is sooo blorbo in torture chamber au number 15" and they reply back like "YESSS btw have i told you about my latest idea for how to torture them even more" and you get to enjoy a little snack and kick your feet with glee

a very merry “nhl players making their debuts have to wear neck guards” szn to all who celebrate

tshirt that says i love the endless self torture actually

sometimes your favorite fanfic isn't a fanfic at all but the insane DM's between you and your equally freaky mutual

first rule of storing tupperware is have fun and be yourself. second suggestion is slam the cabinet door quickly and don’t worry ‘bout it.

work tomorrow is one of the worst things that can happen to you

“Now, bear in mind,” *I pause, allowing time for you to visualize the bear*

Working an office job will truly make you have the wildest enemies, bc why is my nemesis rn a woman I’ve never met and who exclusively haunts me by sending diabolical emails, and also a specific guy who left my company before I even worked here and made the system so fuckass that it ruined procedures for like a year

Working a desk job will have you vanquishing evil foes you've never met and have only interacted with via email, by working with your vile overlords to conjure an email powerful enough to save your wretched little kingdom.