let go of me, i feed myself

a car you used to drive can also be a kind of dead wife

Gonna be honest a lot of people deep down view cheating as worse than abuse which is why so many people view downright controlling and manipulative behavior in a relationship as 100% permissible so long as that behavior is centered around either preventing or discovering cheating.

Fanfiction is cool because you get to learn what other people's parents taught them the hymen is like

I know that I had somewhat unusually comprehensive sex ed but it still surprises me every time I'm reminded that some people genuinely think that losing your virginity is a capri sun kind of situation.

When I was a kid once in math class we discussed a problem where it was like “how do you hook up all these utilities to this house without the lines crossing” and the solution was “you can do it if the world is shaped like a bagel” and now sometimes when something is overly complicated or theoretical I’m like well maybe it works if the world is a bagel

i love you jarred sauces i love you frozen and pre-cut vegetables i love you pre-diced chicken i love you beef mince i love everything that makes cooking easier and more accessible to me so i don't have to eat takeout or microwave meals every day

Ma'am, we're sorry to have to tell you this, but your husband had an accident at the Pianos, Anvils, and Comically Large Panes of Glass Incorporated factory...

he was hit by a car in the parking lot

in the early 21st-century, the “small business” was a sort of small temple run by a local warlord. Patrons could purchase small trinkets and be granted absolution for the sins of their empire. This was called “ethical consumption.”