god gives his only his foulest, clankiest, most ancient and decrepit train cars to his most beloved and pure of heart train lines

someone on r/popheads called virgin by lorde mediocre and ts actually put a sour note on my whole day 😭

i'm on the bus and a man just dropped his phone on a girl and he was like "omg sorry sorry im so sorry" and then got off immediately after at the next stop and just stood there waiting as the bus drove away. i don't think it was his stop, i think he got off out of sheer embarrassment

this girl just told me she learned to cook from cordon bleu? that guy with the basketball from high school musical??

i bled thru my fucking pants at work what if i killed myself

my coworker asked me what i was doing for valentine's day and i told him i was taking my gf to a tapas place and he put his hand over his heart like he was clutching his pearls and he went "oh wow, i didn't know you was like that" and i was like omfg i said TAPAS not TOPLESS

i took my teddy bear to work with me today bc it's the 5 year anniversary of my apartment burning down plus it's friday the 13th so im not taking any chances #trauma