elliot

Let me tell you about the most isolating, infuriating, misunderstood hellscape: living with psychogenic non-epileptic seizures (PNES).

You know what’s wild? Having your body betray you in ways that leave you crumpled on the floor, shaking, gasping, or frozen—only to have people (including doctors) side-eye you and say, “But the tests are normal. It’s just stress, right?”

Just stress.

As if stress isn’t the quiet killer that carves its initials into your bones. As if surviving trauma, anxiety, depression, or whatever else brought this monster into your life isn’t real enough to deserve compassion. My seizures aren’t “fake” because they don’t show up on an EEG. They’re my body screaming what my mind can’t put into words. But nobody wants to hear that scream. They want a quick fix. A pill. A reason to look away.

And the worst part? The gaslighting. From yourself. “Am I doing this for attention? Why can’t I just control it?” Shut. Up. I’m so tired of the guilt that follows every episode. Tired of canceling plans, losing jobs, missing out on life because my nervous system decided today was a good day to play Russian roulette. Tired of people saying, “You don’t look sick,” as if chronic illness owes them aesthetics.

Oh, and let’s talk about “treatment.” Therapy helps, sure, but it’s not a magic wand. Unraveling years of trauma while your body keeps score? It’s like trying to defuse a bomb while blindfolded. And when a seizure hits in public? Cue the panicked stares, the 911 calls, the paramedics who don’t believe you when you croak, “It’s not epilepsy.” The shame is a living thing.

I’m not asking for pity. I’m asking for people to stop conflating “psychogenic” with “not real.” My seizures are real. The exhaustion is real. The fear is real. This isn’t a performance—it’s a prison.

To anyone else trapped in this invisible storm: I see you. I believe you. Your pain is valid, even when the world refuses to map it. We’re not broken. We’re survivors. And someday, the world will catch up.

Until then? Let’s rage, cry, and hold onto each other. Because sometimes that’s all we’ve got. ______

Right now, we are sleeping in the streets just to reach American aid. Our lives are in serious danger, surrounded by tanks, all for a bag of flour or some lentils to feed our families.

Gaza has turned into a dark and desperate place because of hunger and the lack of basic necessities. The situation we are living through is beyond difficult.

But despite the invisibility, aspec people are actually doing quite a lot of things that will piss off queerphobic, right-wing and religious people (and hell, even left-wing people). And the most obvious point is that we are actively not performing heterosexuality the way they want us to. People who's entire world view is "cis men and women should be in monogamous, heterosexual marriage and have (white) babies" are not going to lean back and say "oh but those asexuals and aromantics are fine". They will also hate our guts, and they will come up with all sorts of reasons, including insinuating we're all secretly into bestiality, or mentally ill, or not human, or attention seeking children. It's just plain old queerphobia, and like all queerphobia, there's no inherent logic to it which you can worm your way out of by "not doing anything".

And like, there's a lot more that aspec people do which people hate. Raising awareness about amatonormativity? People feel attacked, they hate it. Asexual people having sex? Or not having sex? People hate it! Aromantic people being in (seemingly) romantic relationships? People fucking hate it! Aromantic people having sex? Ohh people hate that!!

and boy, was i wrong...

the finale of YOU s5 was perfect. it surpassed my expectations for a great ending bc it went beyond the show's assumed formula and became a self-aware, raw and surprisingly feminist meta commentary on the show itself, joe goldberg, his victims and the real world realities of the victim/predator dynamics.

throughout the season, i wondered what was the point of introducing a character like louise. was it to show once again that joe will always find a flaw in his "soulmate" and continue the pattern of his predatory behavior?

yes, but more importantly, it all clicked and made sense when the finale revealed the point of louise to be about HER, not joe.

louise is not a random chick whose life and story is split in "before joe and after joe". she is an echo of beck. through louise we see that beck was not just a tragic heroine in joe's story, she was someone who left an impact on people in her life such as louise.

she is not the perfect victim or heroine. she has some moments of internalized misogyny, thinking that she is smarter than those women who fall for toxic men. she believes that she can fix joe. she fantasizes about being saved and dominated by him, giving him control to build her up bc she does not know who she is and has self-esteem issues, struggling to love herself without a lover's validation.

in some sense, she represents joe's perfect victim; in some sense, she represents the audiences who romanticize him. and she is the one who snaps out and sees herself clearly, thus seeing joe as he truly is and becoming his ultimate reckoning.

and with her, we see joe as he is as well. a pathetic misogynist with mommy issues who does not accept anything he deems selfish in women he preys upon. a predator who kills his prey once she does not reflect the image of himself to him he wants to see. someone who does not take accountability for harming others, always making excuses for himself. his mask is finally off, he is naked.

once louise confronts him and takes her voice back, demanding joe to admit the truth, the story takes off the romantic lenses that reminded more or less intact throughout the show and turns into a pure horror of brutality and violence.

but joe can not kill louise. metaphorically, it's bc he does not have power over her anymore, she found her own power in herself. power that is found through self-acceptance and love for all the victims who were silenced by joe. she declares that she is not bronte built in his fantasy, she is louise.

i actually teared up when louise had a vision of beck autographing her books and then it cut to an older lady, showing the lifetime that was taken away from her.

on preemptive grief. on bracing for impact. on looking towards the horizon line and flinching

The crossing will be opened immediately.

Donate to us to leave the sector immediately, and not wait. Help us provide the essentials for departure

We are a family of 16, they donated enough to get us out.

This is the link to my campaign in Norwegian Krone.

This is my younger sister Dima's link in US dollars. She created the link to collect donations so she can complete her studies outside the Gaza Strip.

You can donate to us through my sister Dima's campaign link as well, because it is the strongest and fastest currency for collecting donations.

Please donate a lot and do not stop. The crossing will open in a few days.