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@headcanons
Hi, we are Christine and Teuntje. We are collecting donations to giv⌠Christine Schiansky needs your support for A better life for the
hi guys, idk how many of the old moots still remember us, but @dontbotheraziraphale and I are running a tiny little gofundme and it would mean the world if you'd take a second to go check it out and share it <3
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spiderman helping out the owner of a local art store and them giving him a spiderman discount so now miles only goes in there if hes in his suit
Art store owner realises his secret identity because miles was one of his favourite customers and now heâs suddenly stopped coming in
miles mentions he has to go to the art supply store and jefferson INSISTS on taking him on the way home from school on friday so he can Learn More about his sonâs hobby and the owner gives him the fucking discount and miles just dies inside
Jefferson is like âhey whyâd you leave so quickâ and heâs just like âhaha, I just remembered I had to swing by some other places afterâ and Jefferson adds another post it note to his secret conspiracy board of Is Miles Spiderman
swing by you say
Spiders-men are incapable of avoiding puns itâs their biggest weakness
Ginny Weasley & Tom Riddle
I thought it was really cool and kinda cute until I realized it was Ginny and Tom, then it became horrific. I love it.
This is BY FAR the best fan art I have ever seen. You donât realise what it is until you properly look at it.
Well that just got deep real quick
au where everything is the same except sirius black is played by jonathan van ness from queer eye
Harry: Wait, so Pettigrew actually betrayed my parents?
Sirius:
Ok but:
(Courtesy of @stuckwith-harry)
Yes please đ
How long have you had the URL Headcanons, you must have gotten to tumblr before the rest of us!
I've had this blog for years now but honestly when I got it it was already super weird that it was still available!
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Harry Potter AU in which Fred and George are in different houses and they steal and wear each others ties whilst doing stupid things in hope of the others house losing points
Finally a Fred and George AU that doesnât make me want to set myself on fire.
AU where Fred and George are in different houses and they get their hands on house ties from the other two houses as well. By the end of their first year nobody knows which house either of them is in and just take points off a random house whenever they see a redhead getting up to something.
The confusion runs so deep by the time Ron starts that Snape once takes points off Slytherin for Ron fighting with Malfoy.
Thereâs a few months in Fred and Georgeâs second year when they successfully convince most of the school that theyâre actually quadruplets, one in each house.
âGeorge! Why are you wearing a Slytherin tie?â
âWhat? No, Iâm Edward. Y'know, Slytherinâs resident Weasley?â
âWhâŚhuh???â
âNext youâll be telling me you donât know Hubert!â
â?????â
After this confusing quadruple mess, a conspiracy theory emerges that Fred and George are actually just one person, and there were never any Weasley Twins. To add fuel to this theory, Fred and George make a point to never be seen together (publicly).
When asked about this theory, Fred/George subtly insinuates that he used Polyjuice Potion so that there could be multiple versions of himself at once. This goes around the Hogwarts Rumor Mill like fire. The Weasley family says nothing to dispute it, not even Percy.
Percy makes polyjuice successfully for the first time in his fifth year, when he finally has sufficient motivation. Fred, George, Edward and Hubert walk into the great hall one morning, identical but for their school ties, and the chaos is so great that nobody realizes Percy and Ron are missing.
Iâm not sure whatâs funnier. The fact that in HBP Harryâs thought process goes âHmm. Dracoâs ignoring me. He must be a Death Eater now. Nothing less than a secret deadly mission from Voldemort himself could be more important than our rivalry.â
Or the fact that heâs completely right.
Remember that time when Parvati turned her boggart into something even more terrifying?
#i really want to think about pavartiâs fucked up sense of humor#like âdamn you know what would be a good goof? iâm scared of snakes but nothing would make me laugh harder than scaring the shit out of my#classmates. iâm gonna make neville piss.
Jefferson figuring out that his son is Spider-Man but instead of telling him âhey you blew your secretâ and possibly freaking him out, starts quietly training him in correct police procedure (without him knowing) while also repeatedly talking about how he had issues with the old Spider-Man but the new one seems like a brave and responsible young man and how he would be totally proud of him if he were this guyâs parents
Jefferson: youâve got everything you need for the week? Books? Computer? Spray paint? Web fluid? Shoes?
Miles: wait what was that middle thing
Jefferson: spray paint! I support my sonâs artistic endeavors
AISBSKSHISGSIWHEJFSHSJHDHSUEHSKSHWKA
Rio: okay but is he seeing that ballerina spider-girl or not? He seems very fond of her
Jefferson: well heâs very insistent that sheâs Spider-Woman but honestly he always seems to want to act professional when heâs in the mask so I canât tell
Rio: you could ask him
Jefferson: honey we need to let him have his privacy he doesnât want us to know
LATER
Rio: I wonder if the new Spider-Man has a girlfriend he seems like heâd be very nice
Miles, sweating: mom are you trying to set me up with Spider-Man
Iâm sorry, but Miles Morales pretending to date Spider-man to keep his secret identity while his parents 100% know that heâs Spider-man is PEAK humor
they invite him to dinner just to see what miles comes up with
@vague-humanoid
sirius black wore black nail polish and remus helped him paint his nails pass it on
You realize you are supporting HOMOSEXUALITY???
Soooo???????
You will burn in hell.
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the slytherins making a drinking game where they take a shot every time draco malfoy talks about harry potter
Madam Pomfrey banning the drinking game the very next day, after 90% of Slytherin house is admitted to the hospital wing with alcohol poisoning
#She drags Albus Dumbledore down to the hospital wing to show him the damage#Slytherin classes have been cancelled for the day as nearly everyone is here#too drunk to function#most are silent#but a few will occasionally look off into the distance with a sneer#and under their breaths#in the most disdainful and haughty voice they can manage#will mutter#POTTER#causing a fit of giggles to ripple through the room#Dumbledore agrees to ban the game and makes the announcement at dinner that evening#the only Slytherin in the Great Hall at that time is#of course#Malfoy#who turns red and immediately mutters that obviously this is Potterâs fault#Snape takes a shot#Harry Potter (x)
Oh my god it got so much better.
Snape takes a shot
the gryffindors soon start a reverse of the game. every time harry has a theory about draco being Up To Something they take a shot
ATTENTION fake Harry Potter fans, the following works are NOT part of the Harry Potter canon: Harry Potter 1-7, Fantastic Beasts, The Cursed Child
The following works ARE part of the Harry Potter canon: A Very Potter Musical, A Very Potter Sequel, A Very Potter Senior Year, Potter Puppet Pals
My Immortal Iâm so sorry my dumb bitch ass forgot to list you as canon oh my god
if the harry potter movies were remade today thereâd be an extended, pointless scene with james corden as the fat friar, and i hate that
how very ironic of the half-blood prince movie to include ginny in the scene where harry and hermione are bickering over his potions book only to completely disregard why she was included in that scene in the book. like ⌠what a testament to the fact that no one involved in the making of these movies understands her character at all
ginny doesnât insert herself in that conversation because she goddamn feels like it, itâs very specifically the fact that harry is taking advice written in a book of unknown origin by someone he doesnât know, canât see, and has no reason to trust, and the similarity that bears to riddleâs diary, that makes her speak up.
ginny is understandably suspicious of the half-blood princeâs book, sheâs not merely curious about his identity
not to mention the fact that this isnât the first time sheâs had to actively remind harry of what the diary did to her (âi forgotâ - âlucky youâ): the book counterpart of this scene isnât ~quirky~ and ~playful~, sheâs rightfully irritated, shocked, angry, that harry would so willingly trust the book like he doesnât know better. because ginny, if anyone, knows better.
Fleur Delacour had the most impressive performance in the First Task of the Triwizard Tournament, imo, and it is a Crime that she came in last place. Like, sure, maybe what she did took awhile and it wasnât flashy, but imo she did by far the most impressive, difficult, and most humane piece of magic.Â
Like, thereâs this pissed off dragon mother, right? Itâs been boxed up, taken to this strange place, then stuck in a noisy arena where its eggs are being threatened. This dragon is probably Unbelievably scared and angry.Â
It can take 4-8 adult wizards working in tandem to Stun a dragon, especially a pissed off one, but Fleur âfairy princessâ Delacour walks into that arena, stares down an angry apex predator, and somehow manages to single-handedly enchant it to sleep. This Common Welsh Green is surrounded by hundreds of people, needs to protect its eggs, but Fleur Delacourâs magic manages to override all of its fear and anger? That is an incredible feat of powerful and probably very complex magic.Â
Like, no wonder Fleur Delacour can come off as condescending, that is mind-blowingly impressive. That is the work of 4-8 adult wizards. You cannot tell me that the watching dragon-handlers were not LOSING THEIR MINDS.Â
Between sexism and Fleur being part-Veela, it is unfortunately very realistic that she faces a lot of prejudice, but come on, Professors Sprout and Hagrid and etc. must have been going wild. Itâs only some very bad luck that her skirt was accidentally set on fire. She got the golden egg. There was zero damage to the dragon or to the real eggs. Even if Madame Maxime and Fleur worked together to prepare it, Fleur still had to do it, and Madame Maxime would have been so rightly furious that Fleurâs bravery and magical skill wasnât recognized.Â
Anyway, part of where Iâm going with this, is that this injustice also creates some choice eldest Weasley brother reactions. Like Bill Weasley is writing his regular letters to Charlie, right? And he happens to mention, âHey, I met this woman at work, with that guardian beast problem with that tomb I was telling you about. Do you remember the Beauxbatons Champion, Fleur Delacour?âÂ
And Charlie Weasley writes back like, âDO I REMEMBER FLEUR DELACOUR? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! WE HAVE A POSTER OF HER ON OUR WALL! I HAVE HER GRADUATING CHARMS THESIS ON CALMING MAGICAL CREATURES AND I WANT IT SIGNED. SHE REVOLUTIONIZED OUR DEALINGS WITH DRAGONS HERE. INJURIES ON THE RESERVE FOR DRAGONS AND HANDLERS ARE DOWN BY LIKE 75% SINCE WE BEGAN IMPLEMENTING HER SPELLWORK.âÂ
âUh, alright then. Well, you can send that to me and I will ask her to sign it for you,â Bill Weasley, an extremely successful Curse-Breaker, writes back. (It isnât that he doesnât find Fleur Delacour accomplishments very impressive, it is just that the poster on the wall thing is a Bit Weird.) âThatâs not going to be weird when I ask her out or anything. Wish me luck.âÂ
And Charlie writes back, âLUCK? LUCK?! WILLIAM WEASLEY, IF YOU DONâT MARRY THAT WOMAN, IâLL DISOWN YOU. TELL HER THAT IF GRINGOTTS DOESNâT APPRECIATE HER, SHE CAN COME TO ROMANIA. WEâRE BROKE, BUT I HAVE A DOZEN MUSCLED WIZARDS, WITCHES, AND OTHERS READY TO PROPOSE TO HER ON THE SPOT.âÂ
âI was thinking dinner first,â Bill writes back. âBut Iâll let her know?âÂ
So, Fleur initially has to deal with a lot of crap from the Weasley Family, but at least sheâs always got Charlie âNumber One Fleur Delacour Fanâ Weasley in her corner. Youâll catch Uncle Charlie excitedly telling the story of Fleur Delacour in the First Task to Billâs children forever.Â
(Charlie: âIF YOU DONâT MARRY HER THEN I WILL!âÂ
Bill: âCharlie, youâre not even into women.âÂ
Charlie:Â âWHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH THE MOST IMPRESSIVE DRAGON-HANDLING IâVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE?!!â)
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snapchat, insta, and quidditch=games that gryffindor just canât lose.Â
amazing illos & hilarz captions created exclusively for SparkNotes by the awesome @sasmilledge
The fact that Snape is one of the youngest if not THE youngest professor is fucking hilarious.
Like how does he get away with half the shit he does like almost everyone there has taught him since he was 11 and they just see this 21 year old just walk back in like "Sup fuckers I'm a professor now by force better so you better start treating me like one."
7th years in the school are like probably "Didn't this fucker graduate 3 years ago?"
Imagine being a fourth year who has done /said something to your classmate Snape and then in your 7th year he's your TEACHER
THAT'S LOCKHART THAT'S LITERALLY LOCKHART LIKE
1. He Went to School with Snape
2. Got taught by Snape
3. Became part of the Staff like Snape
And the Fact that he's acting like he knew shit about potions is hilarious cause you just got Snape in the corner like
"Listen here you little shit . I taught you. I've seen your test scores. I graded those shits and you coming in here talking about being able to come up with an antidote?...Sit down."
The more people reblog this the more shock I am that they didnt know Snape started teaching at like 21 and he's like 30 first book
People in the tags for the past week having been confused and going bananas so like we gonna forget about the movies. Because the movies got it all wrong
Snape is 31
Hagrid is 63
Professor Mcgonagall is 56
Lupin and Sirius and Peter (3rd movie/book) 33
Dumbledore is 112
Do what you will with this info fam
You forgot Burbage. In the books, she's in her twenties.
Bringing this back around, when Snape started teaching in Aug/September 1981, he was 21
In Aug/September 1981, Lockhart was 17 :')
lockhart, 17, never fucking learned how to read: actually professor ;-)
snape, professorially, as if he hasnât just had his last growth spurt: on god, iâll smack the shit out you. putâyour handâdown.
@cokeworthcauldrons , your tags are fantastic
âWe all have wounds Severusâ đđđ
