Life Is A Dumpster Fire And I’m Making S’mores.

kills myself on my lunch break then clocks back in

Artfully layering an axe bodyspray deodorant and two different perfume oils to create a tasteful mixture of amber, oud, mint, lavender, moss and petrichor, producing a scent that smells exactly like damp, stale, rotting laundry.

Reminds me of that tumblr user that made powdered milk with sparkling water and created instant spoiled milk

That was also me.

Do you know any other ways to speed ruin things?

I wish I knew any other way to do anything.

does the body ALWAYS have to keep the score? maybe we could just have a friendly game this time. maybe we can just have fun without putting numbers on it

Not now kitten, daddy's trying to drag his stupid fucking half-dead son-in-law through the sewers

earlier this year 2 boys got expelled from my school for going on a teachers email and sending another teacher an email that says “you’re a disgusting little man” and i laugh about it all the time because imagine opening an email from your coworker and thinking it’s important and then it says that

goodbye discord hello drinkting motor oil

you can never escape a weird little freak that loves you

this was meant to be romantic but now i’m realizing it reads more like. a threat

there should be an emoji of a guy trying to strangle themself

i bet it feels good as fuck to intend to do something and then actually do it

Literally always take headphones with you. If you decide that you probably won't need them today, that's the devil talking. You will. You will

girl help they are making me do my job at work

We have so little time

let's waste as much of it as we can while we still can