I don't think this is even remotely true, but I have to admit it sounds better than my theory, which is "humans are inherently kind of lazy and it turns out that once participating in your community becomes optional rather than necessary for your survival most of us would rather stay at home and play video games"
I get the appeal of thinking "humans are naturally harmonious social creatures who would never sit on the couch doomscrolling for six hours instead of meeting a friend or joining a club unless a mysterious and unknown agent forced them to do it". I just don't know how you've ever met a human being in your entire life and still believe it
it's baffling how much people on the socially anxious conflict-averse autistic disabled queer kids who's families disowned them website valorize the idea of your survival being entirely dependant on whether the people you happen to be born in the vicinity of like you.
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i read an anecdote ages and ages ago from a gay person who grew up with gay parents, and struggled to find any kind of belonging in the gay community because everyone else there was bonding over having homophobic parents. everyone else was defining themselves by their suffering and oppression rather than by their sexuality, leaving this gay person to feel like they weren't really gay because they didn't have the right experiences. they wondered whether more gay people would feel this way as more children grew up with gay parents, if the gay community would leave them behind for not having suffered enough. i think about that anecdote a lot.
a lot of the current rhetoric around gender reminds me of that anecdote. a lot of people are willing to go "transgender people are oppressed for their gender presentation, therefore if you're not oppressed for your gender presentation, you're not trans." but i don't think we should be defining ourselves by our suffering and oppression. what will we do, in a few years, in a few decades, as there start to be, say, adults who were supported in their transition as children? what will we do when a stereotypical trans person can genuinely say they didn't suffer hardship for being trans?
i'm afraid i know the answer. i'm afraid that people are going to close ranks as they've already started closing ranks against intersex people, against nonbinary people, against double binary people, against closeted people. as some people have started closing ranks against people who transitioned in the opposite direction from them. as many people have closed ranks against people with edge case gender experiences. "i don't consider you to be oppressed, therefore you are not welcome to share in this community you might otherwise belong in."
i wish people would understand that we shouldn't do this. i wish people would understand that we benefit from a broader, more inclusive community more than we benefit from whatever purity testing oppression olympics it is that i keep running into.
Was trying to make a joke about TV writing to my friend the other day and had to pause and go "...does the phrase 'surf dracula' mean anything to you?"
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People love to present "if you're not getting better you're not trying hard enough" as this radical harsh truth the world really needs to hear when in reality all they're doing is regurgitating the most bland, fundamental status quo applauding ableism. Like you're bringing nothing new to the table dude. This is not just bigoted but also boring
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Yeah I'll kick the hornets nest: you should not be making egg jokes about strangers, especially to their face. These kinds of jokes are potentially damaging to closeted trans people, because you don't know someone's situation. Maybe they already know they're trans, but are in an unsafe situation. Maybe they just aren't ready to address it. Maybe they'll start doubting if they actually want to transition or they only think they want to because a bunch of people told them they do. And it's especially bad if, say, you're making a transfem egg joke to a trans man who isn't open about his transness, which could lead to serious dysphoria (and vice versa for trans women). Not to mention how terrible it is to do this to nonbinary people. Do not joke about a nonbinary person being a binary trans egg, it's extremely disrespectful and transphobic to do so. And it's hard not to notice how implying someone is an egg only extends towards binary genders. Imagine someone is doubting their gender, and everyone is telling them they're obviously a trans man egg. They might end up forcing themself into that binary because they think that's what everyone wants.
All of this isn't to say you can't kindly and respectfully say "the things you've been saying sound very similar to the trans experience, I think it's possible you may be trans, but ofc it's up to you to decide whether or not to look into it". I very much encourage that, especially if the person is your friend and seems to be struggling. The thing that's really bad is making jokes at the possible closeted trans person's expense, or thinking of "cracking an egg" as something to brag about and not something to help someone through because you care about them
I think it's a... Sign, I suppose, of the comfort of antiblackness, that it's easier to continue to beg Black people for patience, to expect it, feel entitled to it even, than it is to go to your peers and tell them to knock it off. Personally. There's a quote, I wish I could remember it, about the finite-ness of Black Patience. Mm.
nobody needs to know your real name or your hometown or where you work or your home country or your race or ethnicity or skin color or phone number or the name of your first pet or the model of your first car or your motherās maiden name or how many siblings you have or what school you go to or your credit card number
[image description: image of an Aardvark with grey, yellow and white in the background. Text says āParents say they just want you to be happy and get marriedā at the top and āOxymoronā at the bottom.]
Hereās an old aro meme from 2011, which was before the rise of the āAce Discourseā around 2015 (which may have started out as backlash in response to The Trevor Project deciding to include asexual people around that time). This meme format uses an aardvark to represent aromantic people. At the time, axolotls were often used in similar memes to represent asexuals, so the aromantic aardvark was chosen as the aromantic equivalent of the asexual axolotl. Aardvarks were considered to be somewhat of a mascot for the aromantic community for some time, though they have become less popular as a symbol in recent years.
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I feel like people try to explain how [historical figure] had all the time to do so many Great Accomplishments and thus go "it's because they had servants". Which is true. But then leave it at that rather than continue on to the more important point that the servants actually often were as tired and overworked and unable to have time for themselves as so many of us are. "People lived this way because they had servants" okay and how were the SERVANTS living???
i really thought the point of "being lgbt+ doesn't absolve you of racism as a white person" was that white people arent absolved of racism by being marginalized but it really seems like people think other marginalizations make it okay. no being disabled doesn't do it. no being poor doesnt do it. we need to fight against racism actively no matter what.
hate when people say something along the lines of "we must get along so well because you are/i am [some astrological sign]" to me. what are you fucking talking about. we get along because im fucking nice. a decision which i regret when you say shit like that
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Please return us to a world where Notp and squick are used for a ship you donāt like instead of just making up a load of bullshit about how immoral it is or w/e lolĀ
a short selection of concepts and phrases that used to be commonplace in fandom and weād really benefit from making that a thing again:
NOTP: the opposite of an OTP (One True Pairing). It is a ship a fan strongly dislikes. The word is a portmanteau of ānoā and āOTPā and thus is not a contraction of any particular phrase.
Squick: anything that is a deep-seated, visceral turn-off. Squicks may be shared by many fans or be specific to one; one personās kink may be another personās squick.
YKINMKATO, or kink-tomato: Your Kink Is Not My Kink, And Thatās Okay: used to indicate support for fannish diversity and to distinguish between disapproval or kink shaming and simply having different taste.
DLDR: Donāt Like, Donāt Read: a phrase used to warn against complaints about an aspect of fic or meta. A ālive and let liveā philosophy of fandom, which places the responsability for avoiding content one doesnāt want to see on the side of the fanwork consumer, rather that on the creatorās.
SALS: Ship And Let Ship: similar to the above specifically about shipping tastes.
YMMV: Your Mileage May Vary: a phrase used to acknowledge that any given individualās personal opinion on the topic at hand may differ due to their own tastes, standards, values, experiences, etc.
As the OP points out, all of these crucially imply no moral judgment of what theyāre designing.
(definitions lifted more or less wholesale from fanloreās relevant pages)
āI was on a strict diet during Episode VIII, and she was like, āKid, get into that fridge and take some chocolate bars. I have many there.ā And I did,ā he recalls. āI failed my diet because Carrie Fisher told me to. And it [felt] great.ā
