this elegy would love to save everything

I love tumblr's dedication to solving problems in the funniest way possible.

foresees your doom but doesnt say anything

#my family does this thing#when we've majorly unfucked a room or done chore that we were putting off#or whatever. Any sort of household Improvement.#'Come brag on me.'#I means come look I cleaned/rearranged/did dishes/put away the laundry#and the scripted response is 'oh nice it looks SO much better in here now'#like my mom did this when we were kids.#'girls comr brag on the garage I finally organized it so I can get my car in there'#and we go and 'ooh' and 'aah' and tell her how nice it looked and how she did a good job#and we could have her 'come brag on' us for like doing the dishes or cleaning our rooms#I do it to my wife now too#it's a dialogue that means#'I did a chore and it feels like an Accomplishment even if it objectively wasn't a big thing. Please acknowledge this.'#and#'Wow you sure did do a thing. It has improved our material circumstance even if only in a small way. Thank you for doing it.'#like yeah scrubbing the pans is my Job and it's a Little Task but sometimes it feels like a Big Task#and it's nice to have an Accepted Script where I can just demand 'I have functioned as an independent adult praise me with great praise' - by @thepioden

Got thrown out of the tarot reading for counting cards. fuck this place

The criminal has been apprehended

Grond! Grond! Grond! Grond!

GROND! GROND! GROND! GROND!

GROND‼️ GROND‼️ GROND‼️ GROND‼️

diet culture has ruined salad because people will look at your massive bowl of extremely fresh refrigerated vegetables and say 'oh you're being Good and Abstinent' which is completely ignoring the fact that a fresh crispy salad is D E C A D E N T. do you know how long a cucumber lasts in my fridge without going soft? Not Goddamn Long Enough. I love salad. Give me the salad. Stop being weird about the salad.

tmi actually stands for tumblring my information

The thing is you can have a grassy lawn or even a golf course without it being an ecological disaster, you just have to a: be cool about having the occasional non-grass plant in the mix and b: be willing to live in a climate that supports grass without irrigation.

Golf courses in California are an abomination which is why the sport was in fact invented in Scotland.

I always thought that golf as a sport should be adapted to the local native landscape. I think this will encourage regional pride when local golfers completely trounce visitors at Swamp Golf, Desert Golf, Forest Golf, etc. Rich tourists will be pressured to travel extensively to experience all forms of golf, instead of staying in their backyard country club golf courses. Internet discourse will probably somehow get worse but I think this is a small price to pay.

@babsbabbles