this elegy would love to save everything

The Gaslighting Magician: This is your card

energy of an 85 year old who got freaky friday’d tbh

my humours have balanced. I have become mentally normal again

I love salt!!! I love sodium!!!! I love sugar and I love calories!!!! 🧡🤎🧡🤎🧡🤎🧡🤎🧡🎉🎉🎉

what's your opinion on water?

I FUCKING LOVE WATER

Fuck it, post lamb stew slow cooker recipe

I worked in a supermarket for 7 years and I don't think I can understate just how much cleaning you had to do for it to look clean (it very often where not in the places you aren't supposed to see)

True for food service, retail establishments, gyms, outdoor areas, schools, religious buildings, office buildings, etc. People usually only notice when a space is NOT clean, meanwhile every time a space is clean it’s only because of the diligent work of janitors, maintenance staff, custodians, parks workers, or volunteers.

hitting the gym with my cuttlefishgirl buddy and she keeps saying "hey can you spot me?" and then when i turn to look she's camouflaged herself against the equipment again. like okay it was funny the first time but come on.

I'm in a little local cafe and the women behind the counter started griping to each other, "Oh Christ, Stephen's back again," "It's him, is it? I thought he'd stopped coming," "It's definitely him, look, it's bloody Stephen on a Thursday morning," "Do you want me to get rid of him or are you going to do it?" and so I was peering outside, trying to spot this nightmare customer, this pestilence of a person, this pox upon the cafe trade, and then one of the women from behind the counter ran outside, clapping two trays together loudly and yelling "GET OUT OF IT, STEPHEN!" and it turns out that Stephen is an absolutely gigantic fuck-off seagull who hangs around outside, menacing people for crumbs

no matter how bad I feel, I'm comforted by the thought that it could always be worse. for example Henry VIII could be in love with me

her name is Primrose. jesus christ man

The problem with having OCs is that sometimes you wanna read about your little guy being in situations but unfortunately he is YOUR little guy and no one is gonna put him in that situation but you. Tragic.

Dump your boyfriend and master the art of sudoku instead