this elegy would love to save everything

shitshit shit. umm no its fine. does anyone see a grenade pin on tbe floor

Crazy how you all know me as this funny glamorous blogger whereas in real life I’m the Belgian agricultural minister

im listening to this little thing called Music

does anyone else remember being a hapless american child looking at the prices of books on the inside flap and wondering. do we just hate canadians? this book is $8 here and $13 there, that feels..... mean somehow

I like my men like I like my horses: tall, about as afraid of me as I am of them, eating hay, never mind this was funnier in my head

Attempting to locate a new Greek restaraunt using my gyroscope

tragic: tumblr user develops new obsession(s) with media that none of their mutuals know or care about

The biggest “your experiences are not universal” thing I feel is whenever anyone talks about the universality of girls planning their weddings since childhood because. Well. Not me. God bless

“The universal girlhood experience of—“ [LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER]

On a more serious note, if you have specific things you'd like people to do for your funeral, write them down. Especially if you have kids. It helps.

they should invent a disproportionate emotional response that goes away when you understand it's disproportionate. they should invent a way to logic yourself out of emotions

I’ve been watching so many old garbage movies recently that I’ve started to have like 60s sci fi themed nightmares where I’m being attacked by like horrible ape monsters and it’s actually scary as fuck! What an awful problem to have

Last night I had a dream about a terrible science experiment called Moon 13 that involved putting scantily clad women inside of large lava lamps to harness their innate psychic ability. I wish this was a joke