the sky is blue and so am i

I think the "pre" and "post" parts in "preposterous" should cancel each other out but everyone else seems to find my idea completely erous

doctors be like "we have no idea what causes this extremely mysterious illness" and the illness is something that affects 1 in 8 women

do you ever feel yourself fail a charisma check in real time

inshallah he will be drank

you have to forgive the printer because it's one of the most machine-ass machines we interact with on a day to day basis. that thing says kerchunk. hardly anything says kerchunk these days. you can't get mad at her when she kerchunks up a little.

[shaking your hand] hey you ever hear about the scorpion and the frog [not letting go] exciting friends and a good adventure

shoutout to whoever stole my amazon package containing nothing but a single pair of shoelaces.

it really is fucking pathetic that a country with more guns than people can't hit one guy

if this is how you found out there was an active shooter at the White House yesterday I'm sorry

Me: oh it's this post again. Wait. Why does it say "posted 37 minutes ago"