okay but shane being chronically offline makes me laugh because i'm imagining him just being in a bad mood one day and ilya trying to break the tension with a joke, but it just DOES NOT land because shane doesn't have the background to understand the reference and is already mad, so it really was just the WORST combination of elements and timing
ilya tries to be cutesy and tell shane it's okay if he won't show him his lovely smile today because he'd love him even if he was a worm and shane just
"you think i'm a fucking worm?"
"no, i am saying if you WERE worm, i would still love you"
"why would i be a worm?"
"i don't fucking know. magic or something."
"magic made a worm? that's shitty magic. and what do you mean you would still love me? you can't fuck a worm."
"no, i wouldn't fuck you as worm. i would just-"
"so what? you'd keep me in like? a fucking bowl? and then go off and fuck other people who aren't worms?"
"...no, no, i'm saying-"
"do you even know how to take care of a worm? you've killed every single plant that my dad's given us. you'd kill me in like. 48 hours."
and it's SO stupid, but now ilya is insulted that shane thinks he wouldn't do the research to properly take care of his worm husband and shane is still hung up on the logistics of becoming and being kept as a worm and the whole thing ends with them sleeping in separate beds because now it's a fight and ilya still isn't sure what the fuck even HAPPENED here.
