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@fry-score
Ask and Ye shall (possibly) receive an answer here.

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(to the tune of mary had a little lamb): mary had a little lamb
i hate the word spicy can we bring back calling things erotic
āGawd this erotic ramen is too erotic, I need milk to quench the erotic.ā
in other developments re german/anglo cultural exchange on breadstuffs, this image was posted to a facebook group yesterday
the following events ensued:
1. predictable lively discussion on the preparation of Wienerschnitzel, in which natives and wurstaboos are pro-puff and everybody else is like *confused dog head tilt* why wouldnāt you want the crust to stay ~attached to the thing you put it on? as with other fried foods?
2. thirty āBad Schnitzel is my band nameā jokes
3. thirty āBad Schnitzel is my stripper nameā jokes
4. one āah yes, Bad Schnitzel! a lovely spa townā joke
5. this absolute masterpiece:
hi this tag perfectly encapsulates the FML coefficient of my life as a non-german speaker living in germany and iām going to frame it
ā Im anerkannten Kurort Bad Schnitzel ist das Betreiben ƶffentlicher Bordelle nicht gestattet.
ā In the officially recognized spa town of Bad Schnitzel, the operation of public brothels is not permitted.
this fic is so good i hope i write it

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Invention of bread is weird bc itās like some Neolithic ppl were like āhey you know that tall grass thing thatās sorta edible but not really how about we take it and grind it into a very very fine powder which is extra backbreaking right now bc the wheel wonāt be invented for awhile and then we mix it with water and heat it up and you know what letās also toss some mold in there just to see what happensā
there are a number of distinct steps though, each of which can be observed in isolation.Ā āgrind tough seeds to make them edibleā is practiced with other foods besides grains (like acorns). the natural next step after that is to add water, which gives you porridge: a common ancient roman meal was puls,Ā very similar to modern cream of wheat. once you have that you also have a simple dough, and baking it to preserve it is a logical experiment (as is baking some you forgot about and left out for a few days, just so you donāt waste it... voila, leavened bread)
there could have been, and probably was (though iām not an archaeologist) a substantial time between each of these innovations. itās not too hard to imagine people being chill withĀ āgrind seeds for soup, select plants for bigger seedsā for a good while
Do you ever wonder how many amazing things are fated to go forever uninvented because each step necessary to invent them is a completely unintuitive thing to do?
Okay, that's not how bread was invented. I wrote a potted history, I could try to dig that out if anyone is interested?
Please do
I'm putting this on my bread blog, because of course I am. Also tagging @appendingfic who I think expressed interest.
Tens of thousands of years ago people foraged and hunted for their food and ate whatever they could. Among their forage were wild cereals, which included the ancestors of modern cultivated wheat, barley and others.
People like sweet things. Grains are starchy, but if sprouted they start converting those starches to sugars, so people would've left grains in water to sprout. These sprouts are also easier to digest, thus more nutritious, which bestowed an invisible advantage on those sprouting their grains.
If grains are left in water too long, however, they begin to ferment. Alcohol is produced. People like alcohol.
In ancient Mesopotamia the fermented grains were experimented with, resulting in an early form of beer. The process of making that beer was quite complicated and involved a combination of sprouted and mashed grains.
People wanted beer all year round, but early beers did not have long shelf lives and the grain could only be harvested at certain times. So the ancient Mesopotamians invented a way of storing the ingredients for beer.
It was made of the grain mash, honey, dates and spices that were fermented to make beer. For storage, prior to fermentation, the mixture was baked dry, cut into smaller pieces and baked again to remove all water. This produced bapir, a product very much like biscotti, which could be stored for later rehydration and fermentation. Sometimes it was eaten instead.
I've made bapir, and I've eaten it. It is brittle but delicious. It's also a form of unleavened bread.
Bread was invented as a way to store the ingredients for beer, which was most likely a development from a chance discovery. Leavened bread (that is, with bubbles) may well have been discovered when a mixture like that for bapir was accidentally allowed to ferment before baking. Yeast is responsible for both alcohol production and leavening.
There's a lot more to it, in terms of the cultivation of grains and the development of milling, than I've written here. It's been a process of millennia to go from chewing sprouts to eating soft white bread like that pictured. But every step along the way was small and simple.
I never would have guessed that beer pre-existed bread. I've always just assumed that beer was an accidental discovery by breadmakers.
Nope, beer came first. Mead is also very old.
Thanks, ancient humans!
Australian First Nations people developed their own bread making culture independent of the beer-base route. As far as I'm aware, pre colonial Australia had little to nothing by way of fermented drinks at all, so the likelihood of beer being part of the evolution of native breads is unlikely. Their breads, made from native grasses, are both leavened and unleavened. There's also different bread making practices using different grains, dependent on location - Australia is big and Indigenous culture over here is no more a monolith than it is anywhere else. Kamilaroi bread is different to Yuin bread, for example.
The colonization of Australia actively suppressed Indigenous knowledge, and creating an image of the idle wandering tribes was required to justify taking Aboriginal lands. This means a lot of the archeology of how First Nations people developed their breads has not just been lost but deliberately suppressed. The idea that they were settled enough to have ovens, let alone a bread-making tradition, is only now really being examined. I wouldn't be surprised if the grains-porridge-bread route was true for Aussie breads, though.
There's a vegan restaurant near where one of my friends lives, and it's pretty good; I've had some of their bowls from time to time (I'm not vegan and have no interest in becoming so, but likeā¦It's not as if I'll explode if I don't have meat or dairy at a given meal)
And they have a sign out front that says "eat planet-based," with the E very small so planet kind of looks like plant from a distance
Quite apart from my general annoyance with the extreme oversimplification that is the whole "you should be vegan if you care about the environment" chestnut, the sign has some quirks that crack me up every time
Because you see, the words "eat planet" and the word "based"" are separated by a little drawing of the Earth. The first two are at the top of the drawing and the third is underneath it. And the words are in all capitals ļæ¼
So every time I look at it, my mind reads it as:
"EAT PLANET. BASED."
went to a new optometrist today wearing my squid facts āsave our freaksā shirt from @sarahmackattack that has a strawberry squid on it. and i wasnāt even thinking about it but the optometrist walked in and he was like āoh what does your shirt sayā so i showed him and he was like āoh thatās neat!ā and then i thought he might like to know about strawberry squid eyes since they have weird eyes and he is an optometrist and all. so i was like āyeah itās actually a real kind of squid called a strawberry squid, their eyes are really cool because they have one big yellow-green one and one small blue oneā and he kind of gasped and went āoh my god thatās so interesting i wonder why they have that. do you know what their retina composition is like?ā and i watched as he minimized my chart on the computer and started looking up images of strawberry squid and then he googled āstrawberry squid retina compositionā and he was like āsorry weāll get to your eye exam in a moment i just really want to find outā LMAO 10/10 optometrist experience will be returning
Hell yeah
Heās in the right for that this is so cool
FOR THE CURIOUS: the big eye points up to scan for predators, the smaller eye points down to search for bioluminescence from creatures in the abyss below
this is literally how this interaction went down , no edits were made , entirely verbatim
Imagine the level of whimsy I could reach if I just had $5M in my bank account rn

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Dude... allow me to add to your trove.
I have a folder of these on my phone... I'm not sure what that says about me!
This has always bothered me too and it didn't make sense until someone older told me that when they were growing up "scare quotes" were used the way we used *asterisks* or ALL CAPS for emphasis
Edit: Oh. The fake kid's book is... dark.
The amount of time scrolling through my camera to find this wasn't worth it but I "had" to share this sign in virginia that seemed to imply that they may be willing to slip you some back alley clam juice if you know the secret code
It's a lot healthier to go for a daily walk than to sign up for a gym membership you won't be using because you hate that kind of exercise. It's a lot healthier to eat a frozen meal than to skip a meal because you were too tired to cook something healthy. It's a lot healthier to take a quick shower than to procrastinate an elaborate routine for days. Don't aim so high that you won't be hitting anything!
this is actually really helpful and affirming thanks
there is no such thing as the perfect steppy
only the next steppy
People who are younger than you but taller
People who are younger than you but better than you at something
People who are younger than you
People
Being turned into a llama
A LLAMA?! HEāS SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!!!
yeah⦠weird
the word āsabotageā is p much short for āfucking shit up with a wooden shoeā
what
fucking shit up with a wooden shoe
oh my god
well wooden shoe look at that
IāM FUCKING CRYING AT THAT PUN BE MY FRIEND PLEASEĀ
For those who have missed it, a tourist in Hawaii decided it would be fun to chuck a rock (a BIG rock) at a monk seal. He missed, but he was captured on video, and when told it was illegal to interfere with them, said "I'm rich, I can pay the fine."
Is the best part that he got doxxed? No.
Is the best part that he got tracked down by a local and beaten? No.
Arrested on state at federal charges, looking at up to 5 years and 50K? Nope.
The best part is the local city council's reaction.
And the best part of that is the look on the attorney's face.
More of this please, everywhere.
After the incident, another video went viral showing what appeared to be that man getting a beating. The Maui Police Department said they had no record of any reports of disorderly conduct or assault related to the monk seal incident.
Even the local police are being cool about this.

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I've posted about this before but back home at my old job I used to get pho so fucking often that the owners of the place stopped asking me what I wanted and stopped handing me menus when I walked in. After I moved to NY and I could only go back to Chicago like once a year, I sat down and they gave me a menu and I was like "Oh no I already know what I want, can I get--" and they were like OHHH #36 WITH EXTRA NOODLES YOU'RE BACK and I almost cried