WELCOME TO THE LARGE HARDON COLLIDER

in a dream i had got so out of touch with doctor who that there were TWO doctors i couldn't name. one of them was between whittaker and gatwa but it wasn't david tennant (the dream world made more sense than reality on this one) and one of them was just some guy who had gone viral on social media for some doctor related thing and everyone had got really excited and demanded he be cast as doctor who cos it would be perfect, and so they did. but they only made one episode before replacing him because he was crap. he couldn't actually act. but they were nice about it and he seemed happy to have been doctor who for one episode. another weird thing is later in the dream i realised there'd been a fake/sort of fake doctor in a david tennant episode and i had not counted him because i forgot. i think i subconciously remembered that time there was a fake doctor in a david tennant episode? and felt bad about not having counted him. because in the dream he did.

i think i have Identified A Problem in the way i write, which is how often i start a scene with just the dialogue because that's the bit in my head already and then i have to fill in stuff around it but because it arrive as dialogue there's a flow and a pace to it that's easy to lose by doing that. people usually like my dialogue but it leaves me with nowhere to put anything else. (possssssibly this is why i am very sensitive to other people spoiling dialogue flow with 3 paragraphs between each line? it's not a snappy retort when there's 500 words between it and the thing they're replying to, is it?)

i think my problem with "just write a bad first draft" is that it doesn't feel like i've actually written anything? some people's first draft examples are what i'd think of as notes, and if i have a bunch of notes then... i haven't written anything, i've just made notes about something i could write. i know the events, the hard part is the exact words to use and if i write it in the wrong words then the whole thing is wrong and it feels like i've really written nothing because it'll all need replaced later.