mysterious and precise

Dear Laura, it's me, Shoresy. I'm speaking to you through this pimple farmer for two reasons. One, I'm busy doing what I have to do to get a girl like you. And two, I wanna show this zit face what it takes to get a girl like you. I'm sure you wish it was someone better looking reading this, but if you can believe it, he's the least ugly of the for four. Mason, the guy in the truck, is the most ugly. You asked me to fuck off for the summer and figure out if I'm sure about you and about us. It's been a long summer of reflection and consideration. But mostly pullin' on it. More than I want to admit. Laura, much more of this and I'm gonna pull that thing right off. I've also used this time to finally read "The Five Languages of Love" and I'll tell ya this: that book is for broads. The five languages of love are words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. 224 pages for five things any dumb fuck is doing for their sweetie, without even thinking about it, if they're really into them. That's what I've been doing while you denye deny my affection. Puttin' in the work. Today, I ran a marathon. Even though you probably don't remember telling me to. I'll run another one tomorrow if you want. I'll run another one right now. Tell me what to do and I'll do it, 'cause this is the summer I close on Laura Mohr.

there has never been a character as horrendously down bad for someone as shoresy is for laura mohr. he'd take a header off the bridge of nations just to brush arms with her. he'd do a full gainer down the crack in killarney just to hold her purse. he'd tongue-kiss a toaster just to vacuum her car. he'd take his eyebrows off just for a high five from her. he'd bite into a beehive just to hose out her bins. these are all direct quotes from the show btw

number one thing i want for public bathrooms is for them to be unisex accessible safe private and clean. number two thing i want for pubic bathrooms is for them to have flat surfaces in the stalls you can put your handheld items down on when youre shittin. ive encountered it in like two bathrooms ever and it changed my life for real.

I’m 400 years old and still on tumblr

month starting on a monday we have no excuse guys lets get to work and lock the fuck in

yk its actually very chic and avant garde to start on tuesday the second

many claim theres nothing more subversive and revolutionary than starting on wednesday the third

there are simply no words in the english language that can describe starting on thursday the fourth. thats how iconic it is

choosing to start on friday the fifth. i just think its very inspiring

yeah yeah rainbow capitalism is bad and whatever but like. when I was a child, being pro gay was not the popular or lucrative choice. I'm happy that times have changed.

I miss rainbow capitalism. I do. I miss when it felt like public opinion was still pro gay. I understand it was always an empty gesture, but it mattered in a sense of knowing how socially acceptable being queer is. If that makes sense.