Kitsch Enthusiast.

Opening a private tab to look up how "how long green bean boil" because I'm embarrassed that I don't remember.

Support downstairs neighbors (me) working In upstairs neighbors fields (running the stand mixer full speed in the dead of night at least three times a week).

I'm watching Contact (1997) and I forgot that S.R. Hadden is actually so awesome. I'm gonna start making creepy PowerPoints detailing a brief history of everything my friends did with their lives before they came over to hang out at my house and then showing it to them when they get there.

I don't think interior decorators should be allowed to exist. Not because I don't think there are people who have a unique gift for curating spaces, but it just feels like lying to have someone else do that for you. I think if you're ass at decorating, I should know that when I enter a room. I wanna go to the dentist and he's got an unframed Scarface poster duct taped to the wall because he thinks it will make me feel more comfortable, like he's not a regular dentist, he's a cool dentist who likes movies, and I don't want anybody to be able to tell him he shouldn't do that. Life could be a dream.

Bloodsucking Bastards (2015) is everything people who don't watch enough bad movies think Shaun of the Dead is, but with vampires and also the really hot guy from Cabin in the Woods is in it and also Matthew Lillard for five seconds and like any movie worth your time, it is on Tubi right now when you need it most. I love you.

Sometimes you're in such a bad mood and everything is going so poorly that it stops being a negative thing and starts being a reminder of the infinite possibility of the universe. Like, I didn't even know that you could bake muffins so ugly that just looking at them makes you nauseated and suicidal. But here we are.

All conditioner is leave-in conditioner if you... leave it in there...

If I still got my period, I'd be like, "Call my uterus Barbara the way it cramps a ton."