Halite

I used to set this one for second year undergraduate creative writing seminars on writing science fiction on a double bill with Octavia E. Butler's "Bloodchild" and no-one here gets out alive.

I paused the robot vacuum so I could listen to this 1950’s story predicting the robot vacuum.

what if you had a cunty little bob and a fun knife collection and then your best friend died and you bring him back inside your head and somehow you become a mother and a father and a sister at once to a child who MIGHT be two of your dead friends and then you become nonbinary and find out that child is actually the soul of the earth. happened to my good friend paul.

Being a calm, gentle, non-reactive person is really hard work, which is probably why many people are none of these things. Personally I think it’s worth it but sometimes one does want to just roll around on the floor wailing at the top of one’s lungs

People in my notes who think I’m repressed or dissociating: you will feel better when you learn emotions are not a binary of Not Feeling It vs Being Overwhelmed By It

Ok but How Do I Do That

If you're ever worried about whether your writing is too self indulgent, I just want you to remember that Sharknado had 5 sequels. I'm only partway through watching Sharknado 6: It's About Time, but already they've traveled through time and ridden a pteronadon into a Sharknado so they could use the magic teleportation portal inside of it to travel forward in time to King Arthur's time, where they are currently battling a Sharknado full of fire-breathing dragon sharks with Excalibur, which is a chainsaw sword that calls lightning. You're fine. In fact, be a little more self indulgent if anything.

The problem with Batman in his present incarnation is that we need simultaneously to believe that this is a man who can effortlessly ninja his way through dozens of gun-toting mercenaries, and that this is a man to whom Danny DeVito with an umbrella is a credible threat.

Okay, that was glib – let me expand. I'm fully aware that Batman comics generally don't have him fighting guys like the Penguin one on one these days. That's not the problem. The problem is that superhero power creep has rendered Batman functionally immune to hired goons, but owing to his roots as a street-level vigilante, like half of his classic villains are guys whose primary threat vector is the ability to field arbitrary numbers of hired goons. There just aren't a lot of ways to work around that without either doing violence to the villain's idiom or making Batman carry the idiot ball – though I'll grant that some of the attempted workarounds have been very entertaining!

Imagine turning to crime out of financial desperation and you can’t even land a job as a dumb knuckle cracking brawler anymore without five years of martial arts training, a CDL in evasive getaway driving and a hand written recommendation from an active member of The Court of Owls.

make your own foot scrub

please stop making me read this

Trace amounts of Monica in my life

A statistically insignificant level of Monica in my life

My life manufactured in a facility that also processes Monica

#mambo number 0.0000000000005

in my little pony universe youd go to a job interview and theyd be like so how does your cutiemark reflect your dedication to this position. And every time youd have to spew some bullshit about how your cutiemark of two tennis rackets actually means youre a team player and good at multitasking and view the market like a playing field. or whatever. and you wouldnt even get the job

Thanks to Equestria v Sugar Sprinkle, cutie mark interview questions are considered hiring discrimination, so if anypony asks you any cutiemark related questions or even alludes to any questions about your cutiemark such as "In your own words, describe your life purpose" you can and should refuse to answer. Know your rights, ponies.

the miracle of life

transgender super mario land 2 reboot where mario is FtM and wario is ℲtW

it’s amazing how women are able to navigate crowded rooms without ever touching a palm to a man’s lower back

you'd think occasionally men would need to touch other men like this to manoeuvre them out of the way but it never happens

I'm just saying, if you're going to worldbuild magic being a "raw, primal force, akin to and interweaving with nature itself" you gotta explain to me why animals don't use it

I know the normal answer is "they just aren't smart enough for it" but idk I've seen enough media where a character uses a spell in a moment of brain-off panic ilI feel like animals could probably stumble into a spell or two like, accidentally

Also how funny would it be to see a completely normal regular bear cast magic missile outta nowhere

Dogs can also cast Magic Missile but every time they do the projectile is shaped like a bone or a stick and they chase after it