possum

[steals your baby immediately after his birth][raises him][trains him in the ways of an ancient martial art invented by cormorant fishers in 700 ad for 13 years][enters him in a tournament][he loses in 4 rounds] ok whatever. you can have him back

stop calling it a girl dinner and call it by its formal name: Fend For Yourself dinner in an ingredients household

Blackout poetry exists on a dual axis from "banal" to "insightful" on the input side and "kind of deep" to "incredibly fucking dumb" on the output side, and while taking something banal and producing something kind of deep is well and fine, for my money taking something insightful and rendering it incredibly fucking dumb is where the real art is.

#i stuck the word 'banal' in there twice specifically so that 'anal' would be low hanging fruit#but i genuinely did not anticipate 'banana' --@prokopetz

Victor Frankenstein after achieving the impossible and building a fucking person from scraps of the dead: Oh god, ew, ew it's ugly! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew! Ew! Yucky! Yucky! Gross! Ew!

hey are y’all just straight lying about taz becoming heart-breakingly emotional? cause i’m like 20 episodes in and merle just dirty talked a plant

nevermind i don’t remember what happiness is

[doesn't understand jacking off] and I'm supposed to... touch my penis? [shaking my head and smiling, murmuring to myself] touching my own penis... [chuckles] what will they come up with next

i think everyone in the whole world forgot that mystery doesn’t have to equal crime

sometimes it’s just like. what happent ?

i was debating on joining a fic exchange but had no idea what prompt to put so i started typing my likes and dislikes in my notes and it started sounding like a confession

water. *sound of bottles hitting the desk* hey teens do you waah…freshy? water. water. ng…teens, i love an nice col- okay. hey teens, who stYEAHHHH WATERRRR!!! *griffins feet shuffling as he dabs silently*

That caption could not have prepared me