Be The Gay You Want to See in the World

I am glad that in 2026 I find out about twitter from tumblr.

I did not "dance around" the manic pixie dream girl. I sought to write books exposing the dangerous lie that a person is more than a person. The romanticization (mostly by boys) of the Romantic Other is extremely dangerous, and that was a central theme of my first two books. If people read them as MPDG books, then I failed at my first and most fundamental task and I'm sorry.

Tumblr post: xyz is proof you're irredeemable

Me to my therapist in college way back when: It's awful to admit this but I... I experience xyz. It feels horrific and shameful and I don't know what to do

Said therapist: xyz is extremely common, and it means nothing about you as a person. But since it's making you miserable, here's how you can work on experiencing it less

.

Every. Single. Article. just talked about how narcissists are evil and their traits are a red flag and all of society should avoid them. We don't KNOW what causes narcissistic personality disorder, so prevention is nearly impossible and treatment is nebulous (no offense to the common treatment of talk therapy, but it has varying results for people suffering from narcissistic personality disorder).

And yet narcissistic personality disorder is on the list of disorders, illnesses, and conditions that I often see blamed entirely on those living with them. There's a stigma to being diagnosed, which is one of the many reasons narcissistic personality disorder sufferers don't seek treatment. Instead, they just have a high likelihood of alocholism and suicide because the way they relate to other people is "wrong" and they usually end up very isolated and lonely.

A lot of people assume that, because my blog is themed around hope, that my posts don't apply to things that are typically considered (or that actually are) severe or upsetting or etc.

But that's very much not the case.

So, I'd like to clarify that this post specifically applies to and includes all of the following!

Sources include: I edit psychology and mental health books for a living; I have both a therapist and a social worker in my immediate family; I've worked with multiple comprehensive sex ed programs and organizations. I like verywellmind, Healthline, and Google Scholar as starting points if you would like to do your own further research and/or verification

The following are all things that have no moral weight or moral valence:

Having low empathy

Having no empathy

Having a mental illness

Having a stigmatized mental illness, including personality disorders

Having intrusive thoughts, regardless of type (relatedly: thought crimes are still not real! what matters is your actions.)

Experiencing psychosis or having a psychotic disorder (note: contrary to popular belief, "psychosis" simply means experiencing hallucinations or delusions, or otherwise having trouble telling what's real and what's not)

Having a chronic illness or disability, including stigmatized ones, such as an intellectual disability, facial differences and limb differences, conditions with a lot of support needs, conditions that require a caretaker and/or full-time care, and conditions that affect sleep, hygiene, or bodily fluids/waste

Having an addiction or substance use disorder

For that matter, using substances without an addiction or substance use disorder

Drinking alcohol, caffeine (yes some people absolutely believe this has a moral valence), etc.

Horoscope or birth sign (yes this has been completely proven; astrology can be fun but it is not real)

Physical appearance

Weight

Eating lots of sugar / fats / whatever

Not eating lots of sugar / fats / whatever

Eating lots of healthy food

Eating lots of "unhealthy" food

Having sex

Having lots of sex

Having no sex

Having sexual trauma

Wanting sex

Not wanting sex

Being LGBTQ, queer, trans, nonbinary, intersex, asexual, aromantic, genderqueer, genderfluid, multigender, etc.

Being straight; being cis; being perisex (that is, not intersex); being allo

Being a man; being a woman; being nonbinary; having no gender; etc.

Genders, sexualities, pronouns, etc. that other people think are unusual or "cringe"

Being into kink

Not being into kink

Having kinky sex

Not having kinky sex

Experiencing sexual attraction (or not)

Experiencing romantic love (or not)

Wanting either of those things

Liking and reading/watching horror or dark content

Liking and reading/watching porn or mature/sexual content

Enjoying reading, not enjoying reading, and being bad at reading

Enjoying shit that's cringe

Being cringe

Much more

Don't let tumblr, social media in general, stigma, fears based on myths and stereotypes, or Moral OCD or Responsibility OCD (whether your own or someone else's) scare you out of living life, or into treating other people as dangerous. Or into being a massive jerk.

The Midwest Immigration Bond Fund, which pays immigrant bond fees to get people out of ICE Custody, has run so low on funds they've had to put a hold on their work. They have a donor matching funds through $50,000 or until August 21st, so please consider throwing a few bucks their way and telling your networks.

DONATION LINK

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AND DON´T USE AI.

But there HAS been a smattering of people whose response to me saying “hey I don’t think this literary device really only ever represents this one specific thing” has been to go “OMG YEAH you’re so right! that’s ridiculous! obviously that literally device only ever represents this OTHER one specific thing”.