“I am not firing my head intern because Damian needs a nanny,” Barry said slowly. “You realize that’s a weird rich person thing to ask, right? Danny hates weird rich people.”
Bruce blinked in all his sleep deprived glory and looked about 5 seconds away from crying.
“He hates me?” Bruce whispered. “But how will I get him to work with Damian if he hates me??”
Barry stared at the sad, slightly pathetic looking man in front of him and tried to remember that Bruce was Batman.
He really, really had to try.
“Okay,” Barry groaned. He threw his hands up to stave off Bruce’s hopeful expression. “Not firing him—I am not fucking up his life to help you! That being said, I have insider info that might help you both.”
Bruce somehow managed to look even soggier. It made Barry visibly cringe.
“Stop that or I’m not telling you,” Barry snapped.
The transition from overwhelmed Brucie to Batman sans cowl was terrifying.
“Danny’s in his last semester of undergrad, okay? I know he’s applying all over the place for his masters, but the kid’s been stressing about grants and scholarships.” Barry’s scowl softened as he looked at Danny over Bruce’s shoulder. “If someone were to pay his way so he could get out from under his sleezeball godfather’s thumb, that’d be ideal.”
“Done,” said Bruce, already pulling out his phone and writing emails. “Now, how do I get him to be Damian’s nanny?”
“Pay him. To watch. Your child.” Barry gripped Bruce’s shoulders and shook him. “He won’t just take money from you without a good cause, Bruce. Pay the kid enough to fund school, and just say it’s because happy employees are good employees.”
“Father, stop attempting to give Allen an aneurysm,” Damian chastised as he walked closer.
“I promise I’m not, chum,” Bruce said, full Brucie back in effect.
“Just like you promised Pennyworth you didn’t receive a concussion recently?”
Barry just sighed as everything started making a little more sense.
“Kiddo, go easy on your dad,” Danny nudged the baby assassin, “I’m pretty sure he’s doing his best here.”
“His best involves dashing the hopes of multiple Olympic hopefuls and scholars simultaneously.”
“I didn’t need to know that,” Danny said, covering his face and blushing. “That sounds like family business, not public business.”
Barry watched in real time as Damian realized what Danny thought and went through all five stages of grief.
“Father,” Damian said, “Fenton must be introduced to Richard.”
“Why’s that?” Bruce asked.
“They deserve each other,” the child said with clear disdain. “If their nonsense is ultimately confined to the same household, it won’t infect the general population.”
“Chum, that’s not very nice,” Bruce said, voice shaking. “You know that means you’d have to deal with two of them though, right?”
Damian looked at the adults like a world weary soldier, returning home from war, just to find yet another battlefield.
“It is my solemn duty to protect civilians.”
The fact that Danny was allowed to ruffle Damian’s hair and keep his hand was noted by the other adults.
Barry mentally started drafting a recommendation letter to Gotham U.
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