I am once again back on my 12 monkeys bullshit. Pls watch it guys, it’s so good.
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@dylanobrienisbatman
I am once again back on my 12 monkeys bullshit. Pls watch it guys, it’s so good.

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Garrett : 🤨
unmarried childless women whenever there's a newly released low birthrate statistic
Skye realizing that Ward is HYDRA and she's alone with him. Her hands literally shaking as she locks herself in the bathroom. Curling up into a ball on the floor as she tries to control her breathing. Slowly muttering "He's HYDRA" while he searches for her
Chloe Bennet, your acting >>>>>>>

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No ship is ever gonna do it like dousy. They meet when she breaks into area 51 (she's part alien) to break out her adoptive robot father and best friend after he arrested them for stealing his ex's identity to stop a bunch of time travelling robot aliens. He follows her through time and space after knowing her for a matter of days. They have two first kisses and one of them is in a time loop. She tells him they're in a time loop and he takes her word for it and promptly dies for her. They started out as the crackiest crack ship possible and somehow have the most perfect foreshadowing way back in season one. Seriously who else is gonna do it like them ever
ok i'm still thinking about the branding thing. au where your soulmate leaves a brand on you in some way when you touch them - maybe their ring leaves a mark when you shake hands, or you both come away with marks from brushing arms on the subway - and they burn hot, just for a moment, just enough to make you notice. and shane and ilya both think they're fine because nothing happened when they met. they shook hands, and slammed each other into the boards, and kissed and touched and fucked and nothing. and it's perfect. until it isn't. until they both want more and want to stop wanting more but can't bring themselves to break it off despite the fact that they're both sure that any day now the other one will meet their soulmate. and it'll all be over. and then the tuna meltdown happens and then rose happens and ilya feels sick. constantly, every day, desperately wishing he'd been able to leave a mark on shane, that shane had left his mark on him. wishing even more desperately that he didn't want that. he's so sure that she's left her mark on shane that he almost doesn't go to tampa. almost comes up with some bullshit excuse. but he goes and shane walks into that bar looking so beautiful, his eyes and his smile and his freckles. and he's preparing to have his fears confirmed, but then shane says they weren't compatible. and he thinks he knows what it means and there's hope stirring in his belly, and when he finds shane on the beach and he asks for ilya's room number the hope crawls up his throat. but their thumbs brush and still nothing. no heat, no marks. and then up in that room, shane tells him he's gay, and ilya tells shane about his father, and shane kisses him and rocks him and just holds him. and when they finally fuck again it's slower and more reverent than ever before, and he flips shane on his belly and grinds into him slow and deep, leans down to whisper russian in his ear, because shane seems to like that, and his necklace lands on shane's shoulder. and it doesn't quite light up, not exactly. but ilya can see it. see when it goes hot and hear when shane cries out and comes, clenching around ilya and pulling him over the edge with him, and then ilya looks at the mark, traces it, kisses it, and shane whispers was that -?, and ilya doesn't really know what to say. yes doesn't seem like enough. nothing he could say does. he just lays his head on shane and nods. and feels tears prickling his eyes again. and shane pushes him off and goes to the bathroom to look and ilya's stomach drops again. he's sure shane is going to come back and tell ilya they can't. that he doesn't want him. that it must just be one sided. but instead he comes back and lays down and wraps himself around ilya, burying his face in his chest, and then ilya feels it - white hot, for just a moment. and shane sits up and they both look down and see a perfect imprint of shane's freckles right over ilya's heart.
*chuckles randomly because I remembered "Man stop wasting them peoples time"*
> turns on my computer
> disables a new AI feature that was turned on by default
> opens my email
> disables a new AI feature that was turned on by default
> launches a software
> disables a new AI fea
those big strong silly boys are always doing some weird shit with their bodies together. shane is attempting squats while ilya is clinging to his back. they're sprinting as fast as they can while barefoot on the grass at the cottage just to see who can run 100 metres the fastest. they're climbing trees and doing back flips off the dock. they're taking turns tackling each other and seeing who can hold their ground the longest. ilya's flexing his abs and telling shane to hit him as hard as he can in the stomach ("I'm not going to hit you as hard as I can" "oh my god you are so boring"). and well, of course the wrestling,

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All you do is beat me! Ok Shane let’s unpack that a little. It’s so interesting because Shane’s comments when they’re answering questions at the all star game are perfectly worded to give off “I’m a team player” energy, while “all you do is beat me” is so individualistic. And Shane wants the team to succeed, but it’s because he wants to be the best player on the best team.
Ilya on Twitter, so proud, after Shane scores a hat-trick: Did you all see my husband? 😍😍😍
Certified husband guy Ilya Rozanov after someone calls him a cocksucker on the ice: Have you seen my husband? Yes, I suck his cock. So sad for you that you will never get to.
Ilya Rozanov, showing up late to a gala after his husband, Shane Hollander, was away for some commercial shoot and he didn't get to see him before the event, looking genuinely frantic: Have you seen my husband anywhere??
Ilya out for lunch with Shane, when the bill comes along: Oh, my rich hockey player husband will take care of that.
Ilya Rozanov, drunk out of his mind at his husband-mandated night out with Cliff (because he needs the enrichment), not so gently turning down some woman who's blatantly flirting with him: Do you even know who my husband is???
Ilya "Down Atrocious" Hollander-Rozanov when one of Shane's commercials plays at Monk's after a game: Everyone shut up! My husband is on TV!
I think Shane coming hands free the first time he was fucked genuinely made Ilya feel insane. Like, here is your league-mandated rival, he skates like a god, he has the media eating out of the palm of his hand, he commands the room without even seeming to realise his power, he is fucking gorgeous, he drops to his knees at the slightest prompting, he moans like a whore, and, oh! he also fucking spurts all over himself just from having your dick in his ass. Have fun trying to content yourself with fucking literally anyone else for the rest of your life!
What room are you in? HEATED RIVALRY (2025 - ) ▸1x05, i'll believe in anything
[ubering to the club]
ilya: it is 2010s hits night so i hope they play lots of ke$ha
shane: i didn’t know kesha had songs other than the tik tok one
ilya: i can tell you are not pronouncing dollar sign.

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Bridgerton Law & Order 4x08 // Benedict “I love her, Your Honor” Bridgerton
ilya dutifully following cher's advice (insp. @smores100)